I need a new pair of legs and joints,
they are growing thin, and im only 20...
i'd recommend myself painkillers if i was a doctor.
and watch my bones wear themselves down,
like two angry people with broken arms trying to take swings at each other.
but alas, i don't have the power to be a doctor, too much everything will overwhelm my simple
little thought process, and then i'd feel like a top, or more so an upside down top made of cardboard
and the sticky parts of those sticky notes because there is no more scotch tape laying around in my arts and crafts box.
and my last arts and crafts box was so cool, but i stepped on it one day and my foot went through the plastic pieces and it broke like glass, but sounded like a dull thud of dropping your little plastic sippy cup on tiled floor of your kitchen.
And that's how i felt today.
11.30.2011
11.17.2011
language barriers.
Alright, there is no need to judge my use of can openers.
even if it is sexually oppressing.
i like starting wars in my pants
between witches and whos.
the whos being you!
And now a tall tall tale.
One day, i was waiting for the bus, and my hands were cold so i put them in my pockets.
But they were still cold so they started to turn purple, then blue, then azule! which is blue in Spanish!
so now my hands became fluent in Spanish and were blurting out words that i could not comprehend.
The bus arrived and a little Spanish speaking boy with his nose pressed up on the glass spotted my ethnic hands. Once i got on the bus he started chatting up a storm and my hands went left and right articulating these beautiful flowing words. i decided to give the child a double high five. But the shock of the impact must have been too strong, and knocked the Spanish right out of my hands. They were now purple and limp again.
I cry...
even if it is sexually oppressing.
i like starting wars in my pants
between witches and whos.
the whos being you!
And now a tall tall tale.
One day, i was waiting for the bus, and my hands were cold so i put them in my pockets.
But they were still cold so they started to turn purple, then blue, then azule! which is blue in Spanish!
so now my hands became fluent in Spanish and were blurting out words that i could not comprehend.
The bus arrived and a little Spanish speaking boy with his nose pressed up on the glass spotted my ethnic hands. Once i got on the bus he started chatting up a storm and my hands went left and right articulating these beautiful flowing words. i decided to give the child a double high five. But the shock of the impact must have been too strong, and knocked the Spanish right out of my hands. They were now purple and limp again.
I cry...
11.04.2011
.... (part 2)?
I feel like living
Is a term for breaking out
When you start to dissolve the particles
and one by one
each dust bite by dust bite
your spectrum of imagination widens
your thoughts are seen from more than a
180 degree point of view.
But 360
Each time you go around
720
1080…
You see more that you may have missed
more detail
more of the things that matter
and less of the cloudy clouds
that like to block
your awareness
with hazy thought.
mind fog..
its what we live to eradicate.
so we see clearly.
in to why we are.
and what we really want.
mind fog..
its what we live to eradicate.
so we see clearly.
in to why we are.
and what we really want.
...
Sometimes it takes a while to drift off
into the afternoon sunset
of one last faded memory
snips of sound are carassed
by images of mothers holding
their newborn
like any creation it is special
unique, a chemical project
Can happiness be a chemical?
or is it something more...
Is your brain wired with tubes of tissue
or cells with their own specific identity
all working together 1 by one, to give you
thought.
and understanding.
into the afternoon sunset
of one last faded memory
snips of sound are carassed
by images of mothers holding
their newborn
like any creation it is special
unique, a chemical project
Can happiness be a chemical?
or is it something more...
Is your brain wired with tubes of tissue
or cells with their own specific identity
all working together 1 by one, to give you
thought.
and understanding.
10.19.2011
Swag not Sag
My television is always on top of the table.
don't you think they should switch positions sometimes?
Like let the TV sit behind the table. or UNDER?
maybe even side by side.
What a lovely spoon, that's what my cereal says every morning.
Slurp slurp slurp goes the milk down your drain.
that warm muscle lined drain.
Be weary of hamsters.
They bite they tear,
All your favorite underwear.
try to play tag with yourself and you wont get far.
but if you are really clevar. you might get really far.
and that would be a winner.
Just like the toll, that says pay up or die.
But if your already dead, where would you lie?
I'd do swimming laps in the river styx.
Breathe that murky blackness?
Isn't it made out of lost souls?
Maybe i'll find my hamster that my dog ate so long ago.
The only rememberance is hair in his poop.
How sad, my dear hamster turned to hairy poop.
don't you think they should switch positions sometimes?
Like let the TV sit behind the table. or UNDER?
maybe even side by side.
What a lovely spoon, that's what my cereal says every morning.
Slurp slurp slurp goes the milk down your drain.
that warm muscle lined drain.
Be weary of hamsters.
They bite they tear,
All your favorite underwear.
try to play tag with yourself and you wont get far.
but if you are really clevar. you might get really far.
and that would be a winner.
Just like the toll, that says pay up or die.
But if your already dead, where would you lie?
I'd do swimming laps in the river styx.
Breathe that murky blackness?
Isn't it made out of lost souls?
Maybe i'll find my hamster that my dog ate so long ago.
The only rememberance is hair in his poop.
How sad, my dear hamster turned to hairy poop.
10.03.2011
Japan.
I really want to go to japan.
I just applied to study abroad this spring.
I want to dance in the tokyo lights.
Radiation? I think i'll be ok for a few months.
Whats the deal with Japan's Visa....WHY DO YOU NEED TO SEE MY BANK ACCOUNT.
but that's ok.
i like you anyway.
your sushi rolls
and sake bombs
chopstick utensils
and bamboo forests
I want some zany Japanese game show to send a mob chasing after me while i walk down the streets to go to class.
I want to make a picture log of all the weird positions i'll be in when i'm over there.
Yes, some wont be oh so original here. But in Japan. They BECOME ORIGINAL AGAIN.
and i can wipe my slate clean, and take a break from Americas Constipated Uptight Society.
no offense guys, but you make my hairline recede sometimes.
I heard your coffee sucks, but that's ok. it has stained my teeth and i had to buy all the whiting toothpaste crap and those white-strips? yeaaaa, id rather not go through that again.
I just applied to study abroad this spring.
I want to dance in the tokyo lights.
Radiation? I think i'll be ok for a few months.
Whats the deal with Japan's Visa....WHY DO YOU NEED TO SEE MY BANK ACCOUNT.
but that's ok.
i like you anyway.
your sushi rolls
and sake bombs
chopstick utensils
and bamboo forests
I want some zany Japanese game show to send a mob chasing after me while i walk down the streets to go to class.
I want to make a picture log of all the weird positions i'll be in when i'm over there.
Yes, some wont be oh so original here. But in Japan. They BECOME ORIGINAL AGAIN.
and i can wipe my slate clean, and take a break from Americas Constipated Uptight Society.
no offense guys, but you make my hairline recede sometimes.
I heard your coffee sucks, but that's ok. it has stained my teeth and i had to buy all the whiting toothpaste crap and those white-strips? yeaaaa, id rather not go through that again.
9.03.2011
Saturday is a different day.
But it is like every other day.
a day to check my grammar of things i wrote 9 months ago.
a day to sweat out all the stress of work, living, life...the ex, the ex ex ex.
AS IN SEX SEX SEX
booya,
cmon what senseless dribbling idiot would want to hear this mundane crap
at such a non mundane hour.
believe in powers that rub your magical zone at night.
then put a face to that power.
It would prolly resemble that of your late grandmother.
and then you will cut out (insert body part here)
and marinate it in your sorrows and fry it in a skillet
you have constructed out of your hopes and dreams
and fart out the convulsive baby that you have formed
with the father and mother being unknown, and all of its orifices
keep firing hearts and stars and little rainbows
that say
"i want you to fuck me there"
"nice and easy."
"nice."
a day to check my grammar of things i wrote 9 months ago.
a day to sweat out all the stress of work, living, life...the ex, the ex ex ex.
AS IN SEX SEX SEX
booya,
cmon what senseless dribbling idiot would want to hear this mundane crap
at such a non mundane hour.
believe in powers that rub your magical zone at night.
then put a face to that power.
It would prolly resemble that of your late grandmother.
and then you will cut out (insert body part here)
and marinate it in your sorrows and fry it in a skillet
you have constructed out of your hopes and dreams
and fart out the convulsive baby that you have formed
with the father and mother being unknown, and all of its orifices
keep firing hearts and stars and little rainbows
that say
"i want you to fuck me there"
"nice and easy."
"nice."
9.02.2011
A friday short
So i keep having a reoccuring dream.
that my brain will dissolve and spill onto the floor
leaving a messy goo
that will transform into a raccoon.
reincarnation.
that my brain will dissolve and spill onto the floor
leaving a messy goo
that will transform into a raccoon.
reincarnation.
9.01.2011
The life cycle of your psychology
when mushroom clouds start to collide
with Uranus.
you must have a problem.
of which.
you must deal.
and im not talking about taking the easy way out.
oh nonononono
there a few specific instructions i give to you,
and i assume you will not follow them.
because you are a bitch
and we all know that.
but for those who trend the way of the experimental,
the ones who like to tweek their third nipple out of enjoyment
and bring forth a dinner made of the meats from animals
you swore were not edible.
for this day it comes that you the man
or woman
of your idealistic
supremely accurate
imaginative
accordance
that you have with yourself
don't be a stuck up prune.
because those are the last ones picked in
the trail mix
and the last ones usually
get all slippery and wet from chillin'
in the bag all day in a drenching sun.
and
that
is
almost as bad as a person whose wrinkles are so deep
that they are unable to shower through those canyons of flab.
and they harvest a smell that is unfamiliar
to poop flies and maggots
so a message to all.
don't grow old and flabby.
cause you will always be a prune.
and only old people eat prunes.
with Uranus.
you must have a problem.
of which.
you must deal.
and im not talking about taking the easy way out.
oh nonononono
there a few specific instructions i give to you,
and i assume you will not follow them.
because you are a bitch
and we all know that.
but for those who trend the way of the experimental,
the ones who like to tweek their third nipple out of enjoyment
and bring forth a dinner made of the meats from animals
you swore were not edible.
for this day it comes that you the man
or woman
of your idealistic
supremely accurate
imaginative
accordance
that you have with yourself
don't be a stuck up prune.
because those are the last ones picked in
the trail mix
and the last ones usually
get all slippery and wet from chillin'
in the bag all day in a drenching sun.
and
that
is
almost as bad as a person whose wrinkles are so deep
that they are unable to shower through those canyons of flab.
and they harvest a smell that is unfamiliar
to poop flies and maggots
so a message to all.
don't grow old and flabby.
cause you will always be a prune.
and only old people eat prunes.
8.26.2011
Wonderland Wafflehouse.
so here i am.
sitting once again.
on a leather wrapped chair.
made from the ass skin of a rhino.
these tender tree roots massage my back,
and infuse my spine with magical whispers
that tell me to go fuck myself.
so i proceed to fuck myself.
and it was awkward to say the least.
not knowing when to start.
or how it would end.
i gave up shortly after blinking a few times
and giving a deep sigh to my stuffed kitten.
its litter box is empty.
im a sad sad child.
no responsibilities.
no life.
just
saddness.
i like cheese.
sitting once again.
on a leather wrapped chair.
made from the ass skin of a rhino.
these tender tree roots massage my back,
and infuse my spine with magical whispers
that tell me to go fuck myself.
so i proceed to fuck myself.
and it was awkward to say the least.
not knowing when to start.
or how it would end.
i gave up shortly after blinking a few times
and giving a deep sigh to my stuffed kitten.
its litter box is empty.
im a sad sad child.
no responsibilities.
no life.
just
saddness.
i like cheese.
8.21.2011
identity
please.
when i think of carrot smelling marathon runners
it is what i think of.
not some nonsensical grape farmer trying to weed out
the ravaging prostitues stealing his grapes and using them
to pose for roman styled street painters.
by my WORD! WHY ARE YOU READING THIS.
...for entertainment of course.
and i don't mean to scare you off.
please stay.
i.
want.
you.
inside of.
me.
so you can move my arms and legs
at your will.
with the fleshy pullies,
and pipes to pump
ideas and thoughts
OKAY TURN PAGE NOW.
and all you will see.
is the poopoo you now live in.
cause you can't live in my body silly.
the secrets of the universe are held there.
shhhh.
and so are my insecurities.
and you're not allowed to touch those.
unless you really really.
want to.
get to know me.
so that means look past what you think i am.
and ask who i am.
dum dum.
when i think of carrot smelling marathon runners
it is what i think of.
not some nonsensical grape farmer trying to weed out
the ravaging prostitues stealing his grapes and using them
to pose for roman styled street painters.
by my WORD! WHY ARE YOU READING THIS.
...for entertainment of course.
and i don't mean to scare you off.
please stay.
i.
want.
you.
inside of.
me.
so you can move my arms and legs
at your will.
with the fleshy pullies,
and pipes to pump
ideas and thoughts
OKAY TURN PAGE NOW.
and all you will see.
is the poopoo you now live in.
cause you can't live in my body silly.
the secrets of the universe are held there.
shhhh.
and so are my insecurities.
and you're not allowed to touch those.
unless you really really.
want to.
get to know me.
so that means look past what you think i am.
and ask who i am.
dum dum.
8.16.2011
good afternoon poo
ohh,
and i painted this when i was on a cruise.
cha cha.
enjoy
and i painted this when i was on a cruise.
cha cha.
enjoy
the camera sucks btw.
tootoo's like to play songs on my animal organs
WHAT THE EF?!
there is
an egg
FLOATING
in my soup!
cmon mother, you know i cant eat eggs.
they remind me of....torturous moments of when i decided
to experiment with boiled eggs.
and my.
my.
yoohoo.
i was puking for several weeks after several trips
to several doctors that all had
MOLES
on their armpits
and i don't know why you want me to talk about armpits
but
*SIGH*
i told you so.
and my my, why not take a gander at the sea floor
and eat all those yummy crabs that you will expell from your
earlobes in swarms of locus like crabs that will eat peoples finger nails off
that means you.
oh you know who you are.
you nail biter.
i like to bite thingstoo.
oh. la. la.
LIKE FOOD YOU TURNIP
hmm, that sounds like a nice name for my children
that i will never have because ill prolly be a hermit
who tries to thrive making hand made kites out of
pieces of my skin and loneliness.
i say. i go back to college.
in only a few days!
BE P\R]E[P/A1R2E3D4!
there is
an egg
FLOATING
in my soup!
cmon mother, you know i cant eat eggs.
they remind me of....torturous moments of when i decided
to experiment with boiled eggs.
and my.
my.
yoohoo.
i was puking for several weeks after several trips
to several doctors that all had
MOLES
on their armpits
and i don't know why you want me to talk about armpits
but
*SIGH*
i told you so.
and my my, why not take a gander at the sea floor
and eat all those yummy crabs that you will expell from your
earlobes in swarms of locus like crabs that will eat peoples finger nails off
that means you.
oh you know who you are.
you nail biter.
i like to bite thingstoo.
oh. la. la.
LIKE FOOD YOU TURNIP
hmm, that sounds like a nice name for my children
that i will never have because ill prolly be a hermit
who tries to thrive making hand made kites out of
pieces of my skin and loneliness.
i say. i go back to college.
in only a few days!
BE P\R]E[P/A1R2E3D4!
7.29.2011
7.26.2011
Bark my little chiwahwah
tenderloin,
repeat. tenderloin over.
we need your assistance,
someone is in need of fat scribbling poopoo,
and you're the guy for the job.
my little.
tenderloin.
Bowling balls,
get some balls to go bowling in!
Shiny marbles half off,
but they are not as good for bowling.
Sneeze:
A brief injection of your bacteria,
into my face
now i have face herpes,
oh wait... that's just acne.
my endings always consist of pirate beards and fancy eye wear.
you tiny tit.
gross.
repeat. tenderloin over.
we need your assistance,
someone is in need of fat scribbling poopoo,
and you're the guy for the job.
my little.
tenderloin.
Bowling balls,
get some balls to go bowling in!
Shiny marbles half off,
but they are not as good for bowling.
Sneeze:
A brief injection of your bacteria,
into my face
now i have face herpes,
oh wait... that's just acne.
my endings always consist of pirate beards and fancy eye wear.
you tiny tit.
gross.
7.25.2011
sleeping under the low hum of a cruise missle
two posts in a day?
not even!
every have that anti climatic feeling when u think you really have to go poo.
but in reality its just your intestines having micro seizures from all the old beer still
going around and around you like a smoothie machine?
yea yea, heavy drinking is poor to your health, leads to wonderful accidents, and a weird alter ego.
do some people live in this alter ego? i wonderrr.
nah but really, the tuna sandwhich i had earlier made me feel like i had an alter ego. I think it was the eggs.
so according to your billing statement, someone calls you an asshole and takes 500 dollars from your paycheck. i smell something fishy, and its not the tuna farts ive been having.
or the paycheck envelope wrapped around the fresh salmon i caught earlier today with my mind powers all the way in Vermont.
hooha, if i had mind powers i would take off all your clothes, and then. PUT THEM ON ALL BACKWARDS WOOO
that'd be a hell of a day for the receiving end. Oh, i might buy a digital pen tablet thing for my computer, so i can do even more FANTASTIC ARTWORK FOR YOUUU
and i mean fantastic.
till next time im bored. achoo achoo i found you too.
not even!
every have that anti climatic feeling when u think you really have to go poo.
but in reality its just your intestines having micro seizures from all the old beer still
going around and around you like a smoothie machine?
yea yea, heavy drinking is poor to your health, leads to wonderful accidents, and a weird alter ego.
do some people live in this alter ego? i wonderrr.
nah but really, the tuna sandwhich i had earlier made me feel like i had an alter ego. I think it was the eggs.
so according to your billing statement, someone calls you an asshole and takes 500 dollars from your paycheck. i smell something fishy, and its not the tuna farts ive been having.
or the paycheck envelope wrapped around the fresh salmon i caught earlier today with my mind powers all the way in Vermont.
hooha, if i had mind powers i would take off all your clothes, and then. PUT THEM ON ALL BACKWARDS WOOO
that'd be a hell of a day for the receiving end. Oh, i might buy a digital pen tablet thing for my computer, so i can do even more FANTASTIC ARTWORK FOR YOUUU
and i mean fantastic.
till next time im bored. achoo achoo i found you too.
welcome back
yea, i finally caved in.
i. got. a. new. keyboard.
now while waiting all these depressing weeks. I have found some activities.
For instance, i was growing my own cabbage, inwhich i ingested all of it
and used my personal compost to saute some beautiful macaroons.
but wait, you say that doesn't make sense. THOSE ARE COOKIES.
well they are not your damn cookies. so lay off the prestine fabric that covers my legs.
(i'm also starting a clothing line using threads spun from the backs of hairy people.
who are not werewolves, but they could be close.)
calm down pubic face. my brain is off top top
I AM SO HUNGRY. and besides being hungry, i want to eat a platoon of candy cane cats.
March on one by one, till the fun im done. I'll speak when spoken to... unless you stick your thumb in your bum.
Ye' old adversary.
you are so old.
and for this i write you a poem
of how old you are.
i hope you're not dead yet
xoxo
Joe's shoes half off
peace
bon soir
AEROPLANES YEA RITE, i fly that shit for breakfast.
did i mention i was really hungry? The food awaiting me is blended fish and eggwhites.
oh hell yesss.
i. got. a. new. keyboard.
now while waiting all these depressing weeks. I have found some activities.
For instance, i was growing my own cabbage, inwhich i ingested all of it
and used my personal compost to saute some beautiful macaroons.
but wait, you say that doesn't make sense. THOSE ARE COOKIES.
well they are not your damn cookies. so lay off the prestine fabric that covers my legs.
(i'm also starting a clothing line using threads spun from the backs of hairy people.
who are not werewolves, but they could be close.)
calm down pubic face. my brain is off top top
I AM SO HUNGRY. and besides being hungry, i want to eat a platoon of candy cane cats.
March on one by one, till the fun im done. I'll speak when spoken to... unless you stick your thumb in your bum.
Ye' old adversary.
you are so old.
and for this i write you a poem
of how old you are.
i hope you're not dead yet
xoxo
Joe's shoes half off
peace
bon soir
AEROPLANES YEA RITE, i fly that shit for breakfast.
did i mention i was really hungry? The food awaiting me is blended fish and eggwhites.
oh hell yesss.
7.01.2011
I like to cough in your face and laugh at your behind.
i've been gone a long time
and some of you may think,
ooooh he's gunna have a super awesome post because he's been thinking about what to post 24/7 but
truth is... im a senior citizen that has problems walking to the computer because my two grandchildren are clung to my calves like cinderblocks.
but really, i just spilled moldy pomegranant juice on my keyboard (if you follow my twitter you'd know this http://twitter.com/#!/JoesShoeStore) because i was trying to show someone via webcam at how gross it was. Then i used a old soaking wet dish sponge...then i sprayed it with windex because the dish sponge made it smell worse, and then i relized it was starting to fuck things up.
now now, it's alrite. Im using another laptop, but christ the way these keys are spaced make everyother word i type take 2 hours. Yes, i'm taking that long to write this piece of useless information about my life. And yes, this is why i don't have a life.
I would also like to thank the Swedes for ranking the highest hits on my blog. I had no idea you guys were into intergalactic shoes. But most of you prolly find out, that indeed, i do not sell shoes. And if i did, they would be made from my old shoes wrapped in glitter and sparkles with small Bic lighters attached to the sides to emulate rockets.
Oh, and one of my best friends is Swedish, i may visit him when he's up there. I hope to find at least 1 actual fan there and be there friend, and brag about it to all my friends that i met a fan from Sweden because this blog is so god damn popular it is being read all over the world.
(again, mostly Sweden)
So of course imma try and start posting regularly, for all the raccoons that have rabies, and all the little children who dream of space shoes.
i'll keep you guys updated. Even if you don't read a word i'm typing.
toodles~
and some of you may think,
ooooh he's gunna have a super awesome post because he's been thinking about what to post 24/7 but
truth is... im a senior citizen that has problems walking to the computer because my two grandchildren are clung to my calves like cinderblocks.
but really, i just spilled moldy pomegranant juice on my keyboard (if you follow my twitter you'd know this http://twitter.com/#!/JoesShoeStore) because i was trying to show someone via webcam at how gross it was. Then i used a old soaking wet dish sponge...then i sprayed it with windex because the dish sponge made it smell worse, and then i relized it was starting to fuck things up.
now now, it's alrite. Im using another laptop, but christ the way these keys are spaced make everyother word i type take 2 hours. Yes, i'm taking that long to write this piece of useless information about my life. And yes, this is why i don't have a life.
I would also like to thank the Swedes for ranking the highest hits on my blog. I had no idea you guys were into intergalactic shoes. But most of you prolly find out, that indeed, i do not sell shoes. And if i did, they would be made from my old shoes wrapped in glitter and sparkles with small Bic lighters attached to the sides to emulate rockets.
Oh, and one of my best friends is Swedish, i may visit him when he's up there. I hope to find at least 1 actual fan there and be there friend, and brag about it to all my friends that i met a fan from Sweden because this blog is so god damn popular it is being read all over the world.
(again, mostly Sweden)
So of course imma try and start posting regularly, for all the raccoons that have rabies, and all the little children who dream of space shoes.
i'll keep you guys updated. Even if you don't read a word i'm typing.
toodles~
6.15.2011
Bonnaroo 2011
Now, only some of you may know what this thing is.
Oh the Bonnaroo, a strange creature of sorts that likes to engulf you
with loud thumping drums, and soothing vocals.
It tempts you with food that is so delicious, that before you know it
you just spent 15$ on a burrito because it had alligator in it.
And mind you the people there were all so nice. No assholes allowed must have been a rule.
But when the sun turned off, and the night begain to thrive was my favorite.
colored top hats with gadgets and gears, streaks of flourescent beams littered throughout the crowd,
staves with animal creatures holding swords and other things
my my the image was so perfect, so brilliant, so exciting.
one did not need any drugs to attain the feeling everyone else was giving.
So my advice is, if you haven't been to a music festival before.
and dont mind the occasional porta-potty with poop smeared on the walls, and splatter marks from a used tampon ...or the lack of a normal shower, and giant ass spiders that seek refuge under your sleeping bag at night.
then please. I urge you to go to one. It is surreal. and worth it.
Oh the Bonnaroo, a strange creature of sorts that likes to engulf you
with loud thumping drums, and soothing vocals.
It tempts you with food that is so delicious, that before you know it
you just spent 15$ on a burrito because it had alligator in it.
And mind you the people there were all so nice. No assholes allowed must have been a rule.
But when the sun turned off, and the night begain to thrive was my favorite.
colored top hats with gadgets and gears, streaks of flourescent beams littered throughout the crowd,
staves with animal creatures holding swords and other things
my my the image was so perfect, so brilliant, so exciting.
one did not need any drugs to attain the feeling everyone else was giving.
So my advice is, if you haven't been to a music festival before.
and dont mind the occasional porta-potty with poop smeared on the walls, and splatter marks from a used tampon ...or the lack of a normal shower, and giant ass spiders that seek refuge under your sleeping bag at night.
then please. I urge you to go to one. It is surreal. and worth it.
6.04.2011
Peacemaker 3000 (everything sounds more futuristic with a couple of grand behind it)
So i was eating my steak sandwich and screaming at the fact they only gave me
one tiny cup of barbecue sauce for it.
i was sooo angry, that i ate my sandwich.
(which was pretty damn good)
and did this in Photoshop.
one tiny cup of barbecue sauce for it.
i was sooo angry, that i ate my sandwich.
(which was pretty damn good)
and did this in Photoshop.
 |
| btw, that's a picture of ME! :D |
5.29.2011
Thinking about you.
you know...when your brain starts to seperate at the wrinkles?
Unfolding revealing some of your neurology.
And loosening the binds of the void.
The endless expansion of the minds container.
dot. dot. dot.
Why doesn't your brain become denser when you learn more, rather lighter as you grow older?
Are those thoughts being thrown out somewhere? compressed? condensed?
what would happen if you peel each layer of memory, thought, and emotion,
and lay them flat on a table?
would that be your all your life, sprawled out.
a record? a blue print?
and if someone stole that blue print, they could become you.
inject it into their mind. and become you.
and you will live on.
Unfolding revealing some of your neurology.
And loosening the binds of the void.
The endless expansion of the minds container.
dot. dot. dot.
Why doesn't your brain become denser when you learn more, rather lighter as you grow older?
Are those thoughts being thrown out somewhere? compressed? condensed?
what would happen if you peel each layer of memory, thought, and emotion,
and lay them flat on a table?
would that be your all your life, sprawled out.
a record? a blue print?
and if someone stole that blue print, they could become you.
inject it into their mind. and become you.
and you will live on.
5.27.2011
Pirates of the Caribbean 5
thank you come again!
5.21.2011
The end of the world
so you guys really think the world will end?
how will it end?
will the earth shrivel into a raisin and just fall off of orbit?
how about the earth's crust is eaten by a big ugly vagina space monster
that makes the girl in "Teeth" look like a joke.
Or how about the ground turns to quicksand and we are all sucked into
the hot mantel of the earth and all burned in the hot tub of what appears to be.
hell?
shit only way to be saved is to invest in my new shoe.
the Pegasus shoe.
is that already coined?
FUCK.
well, vibrating insoles are on sale too and they are just as pleasurable
for those with an itch for a foot fetish.
Nono, the earth will be hit by a giant tennis racket and flung into the sun!
oh! we will be invaded by aliens and cowboys, and will be doomed to living in the old west forever.
i'd say that's be the end of the world.
or. we all. run out. of toilet. paper.
mmm, maybe. MAYBE.
Mars will be like. fuck you earth and decided to kamikaze us, because of all our irrational thinking and massive amounts of body odor that is emitted into space from our sweatshops and workout chambers.
onomnom a giant gorilla will drink our oceans up and then replace it with its piss, mutating all our whales into..
MAN EATING LAND WHALES.
well, however the world will end, whenever the world will end.
be sure to pack a second pair of underwear.
in case you shit yourself, because no one wants soiled underwear in their afterlife.
and now, a message from our sponsors.
And Here Are 50 Reasons Why The World Is Definitely Ending On Saturday
happy end of the world?
how will it end?
will the earth shrivel into a raisin and just fall off of orbit?
how about the earth's crust is eaten by a big ugly vagina space monster
that makes the girl in "Teeth" look like a joke.
Or how about the ground turns to quicksand and we are all sucked into
the hot mantel of the earth and all burned in the hot tub of what appears to be.
hell?
shit only way to be saved is to invest in my new shoe.
the Pegasus shoe.
is that already coined?
FUCK.
well, vibrating insoles are on sale too and they are just as pleasurable
for those with an itch for a foot fetish.
Nono, the earth will be hit by a giant tennis racket and flung into the sun!
oh! we will be invaded by aliens and cowboys, and will be doomed to living in the old west forever.
i'd say that's be the end of the world.
or. we all. run out. of toilet. paper.
mmm, maybe. MAYBE.
Mars will be like. fuck you earth and decided to kamikaze us, because of all our irrational thinking and massive amounts of body odor that is emitted into space from our sweatshops and workout chambers.
onomnom a giant gorilla will drink our oceans up and then replace it with its piss, mutating all our whales into..
MAN EATING LAND WHALES.
well, however the world will end, whenever the world will end.
be sure to pack a second pair of underwear.
in case you shit yourself, because no one wants soiled underwear in their afterlife.
and now, a message from our sponsors.
 |
| we see you |
And Here Are 50 Reasons Why The World Is Definitely Ending On Saturday
happy end of the world?
5.20.2011
a video pick, to enlarge your inner sexual desires.
Every now and then, i come across a video that makes me
squirt liquids out my ass,
and that is when i buy new pants.
heery cheery
HERE YOU GO!
***disclaimer, please don't watch more than 30 sec. or your brain cells will decide to runaway and make a farm that grows perverted sex plants, cause you're a sick bastard***
squirt liquids out my ass,
and that is when i buy new pants.
heery cheery
HERE YOU GO!
***disclaimer, please don't watch more than 30 sec. or your brain cells will decide to runaway and make a farm that grows perverted sex plants, cause you're a sick bastard***
5.19.2011
I'm playing with your fonts, muhaw
man, to be honest
things have been a little slow.
real world sucks sometimes.
which is why i want to live on planet full of squishy organisms that make you happy in ways you would have never thought.
and why do we have such extensively over thinking brains?
i think we'd be a little more peaceful if we were all a little more simple minded.
well i blow my nose on you, achoo achoo
and you can lick my belly button too!
i mean also...
i mean, LICK MY FUCKING BELLY BUTTON OR YOU WILL
sufffer a lot of pain.
and i'm serious.
pain that is so tiny and sharp, and it will sit right ontop of your most sensative nerve.
yessss, that sexy little nerve that is as tiny as a microdot of lsd.
the one located on the tip of your (add sexual organ here)
yes this includes people with both, neither, or the occasional DIY expirements.
are italics sexy?
or you more into the rock hard bold.
either way you think. you will grow old
and your vagina will wrinkle,
your penis will droop
your eyes will sag
and your tits will dangle
your hairs will grey
your balls will be in grocery bags
basically all your favorites or non favorites for those self conscious types.
will elope from your body
making you proportionally weak
YOU PICKLED PRUNE
and here is some of my artwork for the day! yayyy
things have been a little slow.
real world sucks sometimes.
which is why i want to live on planet full of squishy organisms that make you happy in ways you would have never thought.
and why do we have such extensively over thinking brains?
i think we'd be a little more peaceful if we were all a little more simple minded.
well i blow my nose on you, achoo achoo
and you can lick my belly button too!
i mean also...
i mean, LICK MY FUCKING BELLY BUTTON OR YOU WILL
sufffer a lot of pain.
and i'm serious.
pain that is so tiny and sharp, and it will sit right ontop of your most sensative nerve.
yessss, that sexy little nerve that is as tiny as a microdot of lsd.
the one located on the tip of your (add sexual organ here)
yes this includes people with both, neither, or the occasional DIY expirements.
are italics sexy?
or you more into the rock hard bold.
either way you think. you will grow old
and your vagina will wrinkle,
your penis will droop
your eyes will sag
and your tits will dangle
your hairs will grey
your balls will be in grocery bags
basically all your favorites or non favorites for those self conscious types.
will elope from your body
making you proportionally weak
YOU PICKLED PRUNE
and here is some of my artwork for the day! yayyy
5.15.2011
mmm eroticism cakes
touch me touch me,
say that you'll touch me
yes.
touch me, erotically.
massage my elbows
and listen to my subsonic
moans
grace your eyebrow hairs against mine
and feel the eruption
of powerful enzymes battling it out
procuring a beautiful spark of
eyebrow love
man, i told you.
don't get all soft on me.
i'll have to whip you back in shape
with the extraneously long back hairs
woven into a cat-of-nine-tails.
torturous wounds are playful in my realm
breathing salt is a wonderful decongestant
and licking my eyeballs gives me powerful blindness
to what you really look like
in bed.
I'm hungry,
goodbye.
say that you'll touch me
yes.
touch me, erotically.
massage my elbows
and listen to my subsonic
moans
grace your eyebrow hairs against mine
and feel the eruption
of powerful enzymes battling it out
procuring a beautiful spark of
eyebrow love
man, i told you.
don't get all soft on me.
i'll have to whip you back in shape
with the extraneously long back hairs
woven into a cat-of-nine-tails.
torturous wounds are playful in my realm
breathing salt is a wonderful decongestant
and licking my eyeballs gives me powerful blindness
to what you really look like
in bed.
I'm hungry,
goodbye.
5.09.2011
Gang green
Imagine a running shoe.
and when you place you foot inside it.
jello squishes between your toes.
and every crevice is filled with green jello.
It hardens and thickens and eventually your foot is stuck
you panic. you scream, but you have succumbed to the mean green
you decide to run for miles thinking the impacts of each step will
make it crumble.
but no, oh no.
IT GETS WORSE!
WORSE I TELL YA
the jello under goes a metamorphis from your toe sweat
it starts to crawl up your leg.
you try to shave it off, but i consumes you razor and evolves to
stage 3 gang green jello.
It is getting close to the crotchal region.
you have two options
cut your leg off.
or find out what the jello will do to your genitals.
use your imagination.young panda.
imagine your sausage and biscuits engrossed in this anamorphic jello
and jello and clams don't sound good together either
if you have to be peg leg Pete for the rest of your life.
i think it wouldn't be so bad.
u always have a Halloween costume.
it's fully customizable, with engravings, wood stains.
and you can opt for titanium.
and kick some doors down to people who pissed you off.
or if you just happen to get locked out one day.
THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS.
in fact i may just cut off my own legs.
sounds fun.
and when you place you foot inside it.
jello squishes between your toes.
and every crevice is filled with green jello.
It hardens and thickens and eventually your foot is stuck
you panic. you scream, but you have succumbed to the mean green
you decide to run for miles thinking the impacts of each step will
make it crumble.
but no, oh no.
IT GETS WORSE!
WORSE I TELL YA
the jello under goes a metamorphis from your toe sweat
it starts to crawl up your leg.
you try to shave it off, but i consumes you razor and evolves to
stage 3 gang green jello.
It is getting close to the crotchal region.
you have two options
cut your leg off.
or find out what the jello will do to your genitals.
use your imagination.young panda.
imagine your sausage and biscuits engrossed in this anamorphic jello
and jello and clams don't sound good together either
if you have to be peg leg Pete for the rest of your life.
i think it wouldn't be so bad.
u always have a Halloween costume.
it's fully customizable, with engravings, wood stains.
and you can opt for titanium.
and kick some doors down to people who pissed you off.
or if you just happen to get locked out one day.
THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS.
in fact i may just cut off my own legs.
sounds fun.
5.07.2011
Dating profile for the young and hopeless
I LIKE BIG BLUE HAMMER
i'm disproportionate and have an excessive amount of FAT
and it's all around the knees
which look like inner tubes.
I'm losing all my hair except for the fuzz on my ass.
My body odor smells like wet snails doused in gasoline
I have as many nipples as a short tailed opossum (yes i had to Google that shit)
my breath requires a whole bottle of Listerine every hour to stay bearable
My clothes are the same ones since the 5th grade
i chew on various forms of non edible substances for nutrition
i do yoga naked on top of hot blacktop in the summer
I take showers by rolling around on a few moist towels
my fingers are like chopsticks
my brain is melted watery doo doo
one of my knees bends the other way so i walk like a G (grandma).
my family tells me I'm related, but i have a high suspicion
I'm not.
Sometimes i like to smell my own underwear
And no, I'm not good at sex either.
i'm disproportionate and have an excessive amount of FAT
and it's all around the knees
which look like inner tubes.
I'm losing all my hair except for the fuzz on my ass.
My body odor smells like wet snails doused in gasoline
I have as many nipples as a short tailed opossum (yes i had to Google that shit)
my breath requires a whole bottle of Listerine every hour to stay bearable
My clothes are the same ones since the 5th grade
i chew on various forms of non edible substances for nutrition
i do yoga naked on top of hot blacktop in the summer
I take showers by rolling around on a few moist towels
my fingers are like chopsticks
my brain is melted watery doo doo
one of my knees bends the other way so i walk like a G (grandma).
my family tells me I'm related, but i have a high suspicion
I'm not.
Sometimes i like to smell my own underwear
And no, I'm not good at sex either.
achoo achoo i see you!
fresh squeezed happiness at your doorstep!
it comes in a box, and the box is packaged with a
new organic packing method.
WORMS
yes your happiness is covered in icky stick gooey
WORMS
please refrain from plucking them off as they will bite fingers
and guess what?
THEY ARE ALL SOAKED IN LSD!
muhahaha you're infected, you got it. a 12 hour bug that will make u
bonkers.
but just hold that happiness tight and you're set.
so my friend indeed, don't spill the beans on the curdled milk
infested with sludge monsters and subtle disease.
wake up morning with a rooster in my throat
feel like my side has been plowed by a boat.
staring at the bottom a trash can, and my heads afloat
has anyone found my missing coat?
morning bliss.
it comes in a box, and the box is packaged with a
new organic packing method.
WORMS
yes your happiness is covered in icky stick gooey
WORMS
please refrain from plucking them off as they will bite fingers
and guess what?
THEY ARE ALL SOAKED IN LSD!
muhahaha you're infected, you got it. a 12 hour bug that will make u
bonkers.
but just hold that happiness tight and you're set.
so my friend indeed, don't spill the beans on the curdled milk
infested with sludge monsters and subtle disease.
wake up morning with a rooster in my throat
feel like my side has been plowed by a boat.
staring at the bottom a trash can, and my heads afloat
has anyone found my missing coat?
morning bliss.
5.05.2011
blogger's delight
-take
-a
-step
-down
and feel my toes squibble squabble
FEEL THEM i say!
all sweaty and pink
swollen and crooked
you know what they say about big feet.
but what if only one foot's big,
and the other one just shy
of being the size of a 8 yr old cow.
i'd say you have a problem.
but don't you fear! Joe's Intergalactic Shoe Store
carries shoes from the far reaches of the cosmos!
some made of meteor, others of gas
star dust and minerals
from another planet alas!
space poop and sun flares
all combine to be-
wormholes, snakeholes, frogholes, and more!
just check out what's in my store!
are these shoes practical?
why certainly so!
just...pick the right size you know.
singy songy dancy pantsy
i'll rub my face in your hot soup,
and you will watch in awe, as the noodles
become absorbed through my skin
it burns and irritates
i may be blind for a short while
but who else can say!
they can eat soup from the pores on their face.
-a
-step
-down
and feel my toes squibble squabble
FEEL THEM i say!
all sweaty and pink
swollen and crooked
you know what they say about big feet.
but what if only one foot's big,
and the other one just shy
of being the size of a 8 yr old cow.
i'd say you have a problem.
but don't you fear! Joe's Intergalactic Shoe Store
carries shoes from the far reaches of the cosmos!
some made of meteor, others of gas
star dust and minerals
from another planet alas!
space poop and sun flares
all combine to be-
wormholes, snakeholes, frogholes, and more!
just check out what's in my store!
are these shoes practical?
why certainly so!
just...pick the right size you know.
singy songy dancy pantsy
i'll rub my face in your hot soup,
and you will watch in awe, as the noodles
become absorbed through my skin
it burns and irritates
i may be blind for a short while
but who else can say!
they can eat soup from the pores on their face.
5.04.2011
Morning Wood
So my brains a little tired,
it's wired.
i'm fired.
with passion deep within,
that runs my veins and arteries thin
with a lazy left lung,
it's hard to inhale
all the pollution of your sick naughty ideas
permeating through my walls and windows
telling me to stick my wee wee in places i shouldn't
like dryer fans and oblong seals.
so vanish my boredom rain,
and wash it down through the crust of the earth
and feel it bubble with excitement and glee
and erupt into a mighty volcano, for the top of the world
to see
it's wired.
i'm fired.
with passion deep within,
that runs my veins and arteries thin
with a lazy left lung,
it's hard to inhale
all the pollution of your sick naughty ideas
permeating through my walls and windows
telling me to stick my wee wee in places i shouldn't
like dryer fans and oblong seals.
so vanish my boredom rain,
and wash it down through the crust of the earth
and feel it bubble with excitement and glee
and erupt into a mighty volcano, for the top of the world
to see
4.25.2011
4.24.2011
masturbation procrastination
STOP, HALT!
take those hands out of your pants.
stop squeezing your little friend till it turns blue!
that's just sad of you,
wait a while and then you'll see.
how anticipation is the key.
you want that fountain to shoot sky high?
then crack your knuckles and massage those arms.
for the task ahead, you better be armed
to the teeth with sexual fantasy.
you want to be breathing oh so heavily
grab the edge of your seat like your flying free
the worlds tallest roller coaster is just a joke,
compared to what you are about to invoke
it's the call of the wild,
song of the wolves
those molecules within you are about to explode!
stop and take it slow for a while,
sip some wine if you have the time
enjoy, and massage that puppy of yours
but don't rub it too hard
unless you want sores.
procrastinate? what was i saying,
finish now i'm done with this playing.
take those hands out of your pants.
stop squeezing your little friend till it turns blue!
that's just sad of you,
wait a while and then you'll see.
how anticipation is the key.
you want that fountain to shoot sky high?
then crack your knuckles and massage those arms.
for the task ahead, you better be armed
to the teeth with sexual fantasy.
you want to be breathing oh so heavily
grab the edge of your seat like your flying free
the worlds tallest roller coaster is just a joke,
compared to what you are about to invoke
it's the call of the wild,
song of the wolves
those molecules within you are about to explode!
stop and take it slow for a while,
sip some wine if you have the time
enjoy, and massage that puppy of yours
but don't rub it too hard
unless you want sores.
procrastinate? what was i saying,
finish now i'm done with this playing.
4.23.2011
100th post surprise!
it's my 100 post, so here's a little somethin somethin'
***
I see you slidin' round
with, your high heels on
drop your waist
to the bass down low.
don't stop,
and mess my flow.
so bring it back
throw me on the wall
roll that nice ass to the ground
pop, stop, don't look back
just let our bodies do the talkin'
let our sides keep on rockin'
you pushy? that's nice.
come ova here and get a slice
you shy? that's fine.
come say hi, it's no crime
can't dance? alrite.
just follow me, and then you'll see
how music seduces you and me
____
tonight i'll pop your bottle,
make the champagne fizz
so remove that dress
and we'll make a mess
-touch your breast
i'm already obsessed
but listen to me here
i don't aim to please,
im here to blow your mind,
ready for me?
***
I see you slidin' round
with, your high heels on
drop your waist
to the bass down low.
don't stop,
and mess my flow.
so bring it back
throw me on the wall
roll that nice ass to the ground
pop, stop, don't look back
just let our bodies do the talkin'
let our sides keep on rockin'
you pushy? that's nice.
come ova here and get a slice
you shy? that's fine.
come say hi, it's no crime
can't dance? alrite.
just follow me, and then you'll see
how music seduces you and me
____
tonight i'll pop your bottle,
make the champagne fizz
so remove that dress
and we'll make a mess
-touch your breast
i'm already obsessed
but listen to me here
i don't aim to please,
im here to blow your mind,
ready for me?
4.19.2011
Time for a quicky?
I always love the opportunity when i can incorporate musical nonsense into my posts.
next post is number 100!
I'll think of something interesting...
next post is number 100!
I'll think of something interesting...
4.15.2011
Relationships with someone else.
fuck,
those drums,
that keep misplacing all my thoughts.
it's honestly a distraction,
when the flare of the snare
and the kick of the bass start to push my neurons aside
to make room for the sensory overflow,
the electronic cataclysm
that bounces around my head when music arrives,
like a bride to a wedding,
big and majestic, takes priority over my body,
ties the controls to my muscles to play with the arms and legs
like a puppet master.
damn music, stop being so good.
my drug.
those drums,
that keep misplacing all my thoughts.
it's honestly a distraction,
when the flare of the snare
and the kick of the bass start to push my neurons aside
to make room for the sensory overflow,
the electronic cataclysm
that bounces around my head when music arrives,
like a bride to a wedding,
big and majestic, takes priority over my body,
ties the controls to my muscles to play with the arms and legs
like a puppet master.
damn music, stop being so good.
my drug.
4.13.2011
Dizzy art.
Soo i dug up my old art supplies
and with a little magic.
i did this.
OOOOO!
^click to see, a bigger version of me!^
and with a little magic.
i did this.
OOOOO!
4.11.2011
Ever stick your hands in a dying animal to keep warm?
If you trip on yourself
fall into step,
drop your hat
in the beginning, middle,
of being fat
flick up with your toes,
feel the air whistle thin.
against all your curves, and
that slightly bent brim
it's nice outside
beam it to all hearing ears
let the sun taint you with
feel good tears
and the chill'd water
calm your overexcited cells
hello fat bottom bitches
chillin' by the sea.
my horoscope says
i'll be your nectar,
if you be my bumble bee.
have a slice of my cheese
you pretty little pink.
sunset by the trees.
more of this warm weather please!
fall into step,
drop your hat
in the beginning, middle,
of being fat
flick up with your toes,
feel the air whistle thin.
against all your curves, and
that slightly bent brim
it's nice outside
beam it to all hearing ears
let the sun taint you with
feel good tears
and the chill'd water
calm your overexcited cells
hello fat bottom bitches
chillin' by the sea.
my horoscope says
i'll be your nectar,
if you be my bumble bee.
have a slice of my cheese
you pretty little pink.
sunset by the trees.
more of this warm weather please!
4.09.2011
strange times of my life,
well, we have a startling. discovery.
my friend. abe o'donachey. has fallen.
he. will be remembered. oh yea.
let's have sex on the beach to commemorate.
yes, ill hump every living in sight.
go without flight.
a wingless beast having intercourse.
but gentle hearts give me morsel.
enough to live, spread my legs out wide.
and c'mon guys, gander whats inside.
my belly button it looks like an orange.
sliced in half 50-50.
i know its strange, but give me time
to start my kangaroo farm.
here in the states, where deer run rapid.
ill make rabid kangaroo's to feast on their
overpopulation.
our population is too big, live a little less.
next time your feeling down, just jump from your nest.
with your wingless wings, you will try to flap when you
have second thoughts.
but it is too late, as the ground welcomes you.
my friend. abe o'donachey. has fallen.
he. will be remembered. oh yea.
let's have sex on the beach to commemorate.
yes, ill hump every living in sight.
go without flight.
a wingless beast having intercourse.
but gentle hearts give me morsel.
enough to live, spread my legs out wide.
and c'mon guys, gander whats inside.
my belly button it looks like an orange.
sliced in half 50-50.
i know its strange, but give me time
to start my kangaroo farm.
here in the states, where deer run rapid.
ill make rabid kangaroo's to feast on their
overpopulation.
our population is too big, live a little less.
next time your feeling down, just jump from your nest.
with your wingless wings, you will try to flap when you
have second thoughts.
but it is too late, as the ground welcomes you.
4.07.2011
Dubstep.
I'll be starting my own dance class soon.
SOOOO
-bring your pets with you!
-it's good for your heart!
-be sure to wear safety pads if you're a novice
-and lastly, let dubstep's snips and sparks of sound rattle your connective tissue till it peels off the bone.
SOOOO
-bring your pets with you!
-it's good for your heart!
-be sure to wear safety pads if you're a novice
-and lastly, let dubstep's snips and sparks of sound rattle your connective tissue till it peels off the bone.
4.04.2011
Underwear and song.
Bring them, out.
all your unused underwear.
i have yet another brilliant business plan.
to sell used underwear to all the perverts of the land!
i'll bejewel them, encrust them with fine gold dust,
lace some up or lace others down.
and yes i'll even take the ones with a little bit of brown.
make sure you don't wash them. They are unique to their owners.
people want the special smell of your penis sweat.
or the leaky residue from an over excited vagina.
and the more holes, the more thrills.
i always say.
AND NOW LETS SING!
all your unused underwear.
i have yet another brilliant business plan.
to sell used underwear to all the perverts of the land!
i'll bejewel them, encrust them with fine gold dust,
lace some up or lace others down.
and yes i'll even take the ones with a little bit of brown.
make sure you don't wash them. They are unique to their owners.
people want the special smell of your penis sweat.
or the leaky residue from an over excited vagina.
and the more holes, the more thrills.
i always say.
AND NOW LETS SING!
4.02.2011
6:16 am talk
Shut up,
it's not 6 am. I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!
liar liar father time,
mother time?
grandson TIME!
what are all these times? perception. duh.
that's all it is. Ever notice why time moves faster and slower sometimes?
yea, do something boring and it will seem forever, do something exciting.
then well.
SHIT HAPPENS.
and not the shit that covers your brand name briefs with silly little brown spots!
Critics from a Critic:
nah nah. just take your life mannn.
take it and enjoy it mannn.
it won't even go by fasterrrrr.
cause you won't even know the time dudeeee!
hahahhahahaha
and you'll just have that smirk on your face the whole time hahaha.
damnnn i want my face to be like that all the time. shiiiiit.
hahahaha
that's life i guessss mannn.
-the critic.
so
bring it back and around.
fella pass that joint to the left.
don't be slow, feel the riff.
of that weird ass guitar fello playing in the back
you all just ignore, but it gets to you in fact
a slight twitch of your foot starts moving to the beat
oh no, you've got a strain of musical influence
bearing deep in your neurological state
guess this guys got skills
i wonder his fate?
haha. sleeping.
it's not 6 am. I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!
liar liar father time,
mother time?
grandson TIME!
what are all these times? perception. duh.
that's all it is. Ever notice why time moves faster and slower sometimes?
yea, do something boring and it will seem forever, do something exciting.
then well.
SHIT HAPPENS.
and not the shit that covers your brand name briefs with silly little brown spots!
Critics from a Critic:
nah nah. just take your life mannn.
take it and enjoy it mannn.
it won't even go by fasterrrrr.
cause you won't even know the time dudeeee!
hahahhahahaha
and you'll just have that smirk on your face the whole time hahaha.
damnnn i want my face to be like that all the time. shiiiiit.
hahahaha
that's life i guessss mannn.
-the critic.
so
bring it back and around.
fella pass that joint to the left.
don't be slow, feel the riff.
of that weird ass guitar fello playing in the back
you all just ignore, but it gets to you in fact
a slight twitch of your foot starts moving to the beat
oh no, you've got a strain of musical influence
bearing deep in your neurological state
guess this guys got skills
i wonder his fate?
haha. sleeping.
3.30.2011
the creator.
NEW POSTTT NEW POSTTT
buzz buzz buzz goes the copy machine.
wait. what's this?
it's copying nude pictures of yourself?
what. when were these taken?
and when were you playing with a grapefruit while naked?
you have to find out, you slam the door to your car and jet off
to spring awakening,
tho when you get there, it is rather cold.
that is because you're in fucking ALASKA.
great, so you turn around, run out of gas, and end up pushing the car
endlessly towards the next gas station,
you're parched so you buy a water.
too bad the water is filled with cigarette buts.
damn damn damn.
you don't have enough money for gas, so the owner lets you trade your car
for a full tank of gas.
but then you realize how stupid that was and ask for trade backs.
the owner shakes their head and says.
"no refunds"
balls to the wall, is what your feeling now.
someone has put you on a roller coaster and you don't question why your there.
but how on earth are you supposed to stand the daunting drop into an acidic pool
of dismembered limbs.
you blink once and all is gone.
all the trees, the sky, and the rest of the scenery is just blank.
then you have an sudden sporadic cough and starts to spew out color and
the building blocks to support life in this empty land.
and that's when your life started.
buzz buzz buzz goes the copy machine.
wait. what's this?
it's copying nude pictures of yourself?
what. when were these taken?
and when were you playing with a grapefruit while naked?
you have to find out, you slam the door to your car and jet off
to spring awakening,
tho when you get there, it is rather cold.
that is because you're in fucking ALASKA.
great, so you turn around, run out of gas, and end up pushing the car
endlessly towards the next gas station,
you're parched so you buy a water.
too bad the water is filled with cigarette buts.
damn damn damn.
you don't have enough money for gas, so the owner lets you trade your car
for a full tank of gas.
but then you realize how stupid that was and ask for trade backs.
the owner shakes their head and says.
"no refunds"
balls to the wall, is what your feeling now.
someone has put you on a roller coaster and you don't question why your there.
but how on earth are you supposed to stand the daunting drop into an acidic pool
of dismembered limbs.
you blink once and all is gone.
all the trees, the sky, and the rest of the scenery is just blank.
then you have an sudden sporadic cough and starts to spew out color and
the building blocks to support life in this empty land.
and that's when your life started.
3.22.2011
It has returned.
Coupons available if you ever have the urge to donate your hair for my life size wooly mammoth model.
-pubic hair accepted.
3.21.2011
A simple workout routine to gain the perfect body.
So, i've been working on this routine to maintain the perfect
hot sizzling body that reflects sun rays off JUST as good as those
oily body builders.
i rub a dozen egg whites all over my body,
roll around in copper dust,
feed my leftover portions to my pet manatee
do laps around the pacific ring of fire every morning.
Chew on wood, for fiber and healthy gum development.
Then i relax in a cooling tub of hot fudge to clean my pores
and revitalize my sexual feeling for chocolate.
After just 2 days, here are my results.
Pretty irresistible right? Just imagine me in your bed. oh i would ruff those sheets,
arf arf, like a dog licking the carpet.
like a swallow eagerly awaiting more fresh and plentiful.
Gatorade.
is that all that's in you?
my sextuplet truffle chocolate with Skippy peanut butter on top?
And now time for some current events:
hot sizzling body that reflects sun rays off JUST as good as those
oily body builders.
i rub a dozen egg whites all over my body,
roll around in copper dust,
feed my leftover portions to my pet manatee
do laps around the pacific ring of fire every morning.
Chew on wood, for fiber and healthy gum development.
Then i relax in a cooling tub of hot fudge to clean my pores
and revitalize my sexual feeling for chocolate.
After just 2 days, here are my results.
Pretty irresistible right? Just imagine me in your bed. oh i would ruff those sheets,
arf arf, like a dog licking the carpet.
like a swallow eagerly awaiting more fresh and plentiful.
Gatorade.
is that all that's in you?
my sextuplet truffle chocolate with Skippy peanut butter on top?
And now time for some current events:
3.19.2011
Words a plenty to feed the fat and hungry.
I mean, i haven't posted in a while because.
IT WAS SPRING BREAK AND I NEEDED A BREAK.
but now, im back, and i have a few tricks
and sticks
and a whoooole lotta bricks.
IM GUNNA BUILD A HOUSE.
and it will be especially for you,
my girl in the deep blue.
The fish that sings me to sleep,
and afterward you won't hear a peep.
mustard and cashews are the best combination,
mix and serve to the whole entire nation.
I'm a song write, a play write, a fantastic write.
but i can't do spells, or write anything that sells.
throw your bag over your shoulder feel its intensity sear through your skin.
it's because it is on fire, and you are a traveling fire salesmen,
born from the stone age, you brought fire to good people and made Johnny Appleseed look like a some broke dope, who ate one too many apple seeds and now his liver is in poor condition and he poops out fertilizer for trees.
Now his descendants own an apple orchard. Do not. buy their apples.
they have WORMSSSSS!!!!
it feels good to be back!
bon soir!
IT WAS SPRING BREAK AND I NEEDED A BREAK.
but now, im back, and i have a few tricks
and sticks
and a whoooole lotta bricks.
IM GUNNA BUILD A HOUSE.
and it will be especially for you,
my girl in the deep blue.
The fish that sings me to sleep,
and afterward you won't hear a peep.
mustard and cashews are the best combination,
mix and serve to the whole entire nation.
I'm a song write, a play write, a fantastic write.
but i can't do spells, or write anything that sells.
throw your bag over your shoulder feel its intensity sear through your skin.
it's because it is on fire, and you are a traveling fire salesmen,
born from the stone age, you brought fire to good people and made Johnny Appleseed look like a some broke dope, who ate one too many apple seeds and now his liver is in poor condition and he poops out fertilizer for trees.
Now his descendants own an apple orchard. Do not. buy their apples.
they have WORMSSSSS!!!!
it feels good to be back!
bon soir!
3.14.2011
Weightlessness
High above,
the voices of everyday life.
In the stratosphere where it is calm, neutral.
Besides the lack of oxygen it's peaceful, a place where you mind can lounge against
bubbly little clouds.
The sun shines brighter here.
Almost blinding, you need sunglasses, but you left them down on earth.
aw fuck. haha.
Go down with the wind rushing in your face and pockets of air forming in the insides of your cheeks.
Stop yourself momentary to catch your breath, which seems to be lost amongst the vast volume of air that is all around you.
Lower yourself down and search for those damn glasses.
but you search and search and there are not to be found.
what gives, has someone stolen your prized glasses?
Find them and cut their legs off!
it's pirate season, and they can work the peg legs so don't feel guilty.
keep those legs as a prize in a pickle jar, next to your dead gram gram's ashes.
Your little house of trinkets will soon be a museum wonderland!
where you can charge little ones to expel there imagination onto the floors like vomit!
But remember, take a break in the sky once and a while, where it is whisper quiet and storms can easily avoided.
Bum ba chaaa! drums. drums. drums.
or maybe a sexy sexy saxophone?
the voices of everyday life.
In the stratosphere where it is calm, neutral.
Besides the lack of oxygen it's peaceful, a place where you mind can lounge against
bubbly little clouds.
The sun shines brighter here.
Almost blinding, you need sunglasses, but you left them down on earth.
aw fuck. haha.
Go down with the wind rushing in your face and pockets of air forming in the insides of your cheeks.
Stop yourself momentary to catch your breath, which seems to be lost amongst the vast volume of air that is all around you.
Lower yourself down and search for those damn glasses.
but you search and search and there are not to be found.
what gives, has someone stolen your prized glasses?
Find them and cut their legs off!
it's pirate season, and they can work the peg legs so don't feel guilty.
keep those legs as a prize in a pickle jar, next to your dead gram gram's ashes.
Your little house of trinkets will soon be a museum wonderland!
where you can charge little ones to expel there imagination onto the floors like vomit!
But remember, take a break in the sky once and a while, where it is whisper quiet and storms can easily avoided.
Bum ba chaaa! drums. drums. drums.
or maybe a sexy sexy saxophone?
3.11.2011
1:06 am talks
hey hey hey,
we meet again in the bathroom,
you are smearing makeup all over the mirror.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!
that face in the mirror is not yours,
it's your evil twin.
And if you are not careful, it will jump out and fill
your body with naughty pleasures and fruit baskets.
Bread or wine.
Bread soaked in wine?
wine soaked in bread?
What the hell does this mean?
LET'S GET DRUNK OFF OF BREAD!
I'm sure it's more tasty than your carbonated cough syrup you like to call
4-locos.
Bridge that gap between the innocence of your thighs,
i don't wanna see your underwear soaked in wine.
DRUNK OFF OF UNDERWEAR!
now isn't that gross?
let's have a toast.
to meat and cheese, and everything you can please.
My furniture is attractive, sofuckingwhat.
i like my couch too much?
it's unconditional love.
My favorite. You lie, cheat, abuse and it's still always there for you!
is that offensive? That you grace your buttocks on the seats of other couches?
Furniture does not have feelings, they have soft wonder cushions crafted
by the aliens in our non-existent planet Pluto.
My my time has flown, i'll be older than i know it, and then my knees will just disintegrate into dust while i'm walking. ohhh that would be quite an eventful day.
Bring it on my wonder duck.
Bring. it. on.
we meet again in the bathroom,
you are smearing makeup all over the mirror.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!
that face in the mirror is not yours,
it's your evil twin.
And if you are not careful, it will jump out and fill
your body with naughty pleasures and fruit baskets.
Bread or wine.
Bread soaked in wine?
wine soaked in bread?
What the hell does this mean?
LET'S GET DRUNK OFF OF BREAD!
I'm sure it's more tasty than your carbonated cough syrup you like to call
4-locos.
Bridge that gap between the innocence of your thighs,
i don't wanna see your underwear soaked in wine.
DRUNK OFF OF UNDERWEAR!
now isn't that gross?
let's have a toast.
to meat and cheese, and everything you can please.
My furniture is attractive, sofuckingwhat.
i like my couch too much?
it's unconditional love.
My favorite. You lie, cheat, abuse and it's still always there for you!
is that offensive? That you grace your buttocks on the seats of other couches?
Furniture does not have feelings, they have soft wonder cushions crafted
by the aliens in our non-existent planet Pluto.
My my time has flown, i'll be older than i know it, and then my knees will just disintegrate into dust while i'm walking. ohhh that would be quite an eventful day.
Bring it on my wonder duck.
Bring. it. on.
3.08.2011
drug diet.
I have found it!
It's the drug of all drugs,
the one that makes you witty
and sly,
and makes everything look great under only one eye.
Your feet will scream orgasm! orgasm! each time you walk!
and even when you talk, your words will be carried out
on fluffy little clouds,
made of the evaporated happiness,
that is stored in your lungs.
Your kidneys will vibrate and stimulate your pee,
and you will moan and groan with exasperated please.
You will neither be cold nor hot,
but a mellow in between.
this drug will make you feel anything but mean.
However one should take caution with a lifestyle driven by mad happiness.
it can make you blind, and you'll spin off like a top
and in live in a world full of color and awe,
but that's not reality.
that's not all.
but go out and have a ball if you wish.
just don't forget to bring your favorite dish.
to the dinner party on Sunday.
It's the drug of all drugs,
the one that makes you witty
and sly,
and makes everything look great under only one eye.
Your feet will scream orgasm! orgasm! each time you walk!
and even when you talk, your words will be carried out
on fluffy little clouds,
made of the evaporated happiness,
that is stored in your lungs.
Your kidneys will vibrate and stimulate your pee,
and you will moan and groan with exasperated please.
You will neither be cold nor hot,
but a mellow in between.
this drug will make you feel anything but mean.
However one should take caution with a lifestyle driven by mad happiness.
it can make you blind, and you'll spin off like a top
and in live in a world full of color and awe,
but that's not reality.
that's not all.
but go out and have a ball if you wish.
just don't forget to bring your favorite dish.
to the dinner party on Sunday.
3.06.2011
sleep.
sitting there staring deeply at your last cigarette,
the way it withers and burns towards your finger tips
a depressing facade pulls down from overhead
as night falls and crawls between the posts of your bed
sucks into your ears where you dreams slither and weave
between the vast interconnectedness of every chemical
reaction being translated into thoughts, conversations, and imagery
one may stutter, another may trip, and the information highway
will suddenly collapse.
your motor skills will buckle under the lack of input
your body will do the minimum to stay alive,
just to conserve all that energy when you really want to go out
with a bang.
the way it withers and burns towards your finger tips
a depressing facade pulls down from overhead
as night falls and crawls between the posts of your bed
sucks into your ears where you dreams slither and weave
between the vast interconnectedness of every chemical
reaction being translated into thoughts, conversations, and imagery
one may stutter, another may trip, and the information highway
will suddenly collapse.
your motor skills will buckle under the lack of input
your body will do the minimum to stay alive,
just to conserve all that energy when you really want to go out
with a bang.
3.03.2011
Beef chicken noodle stew.
Go around the merry machine
once, twice
three times
and puke puke puke,
puke out creativity until it
splatters all over the canvas of your
goals in life,
flash colorful chunks of to do's
and acidic dribble of mistakes
all onto one page.
let it cure, dry and heave it over
to the printing press and make
SO MANY COPIES
so many that your eyes will spin 360 degrees and
flash an image of what your subconscious
is really feeling.
gather all the copies quick,
before they dissolve with
the heat sensitive ink.
Believe me, you don't want to waste
all this time, in making yourself,
who you really are.
good ole' word vomit
once, twice
three times
and puke puke puke,
puke out creativity until it
splatters all over the canvas of your
goals in life,
flash colorful chunks of to do's
and acidic dribble of mistakes
all onto one page.
let it cure, dry and heave it over
to the printing press and make
SO MANY COPIES
so many that your eyes will spin 360 degrees and
flash an image of what your subconscious
is really feeling.
gather all the copies quick,
before they dissolve with
the heat sensitive ink.
Believe me, you don't want to waste
all this time, in making yourself,
who you really are.
good ole' word vomit
3.02.2011
The time machine.
OH NO -HOOOO NO!
i got less then 10 minutes to post this before it's
THURSDAY!
i have already been inconsistent so far,
NOT COOL
must take large amounts of caffeine in my EYES.
rub leprechauns in all my opens sores, and if i don't have any.
MAKE SOME.
then calmly do my ritual dance around the toilette grasping a roll
of the the finest rice paper toliet paper encrusted with tiny gemstones
in the micro-weave fiber 1000 times denser than
the distance between the molecules in your fried eggs.
golly gee, mr, tawaneee, have you some more tea for me?
Erotic tea, tea that makes you libido crush itself into a very
very,
intense SUPERNOVA.
my god you will erupt with such a good feeling the blood in your body
will be pushed to all your extremities, and you will feel like your
dieing but AWESOME at the same time.
relax, you won't actually die if you have surgically installed 5 hearts
randomly in your body. Awwww YEA bitches.
I also installed a third arm, but sat on it too long by accident and now it's
just a floppy piece of cell membrane that blows around the wind like molted
snake skin.
Putting my daily routine aside. I have big plans awaiting, BIG ones, soon as it starts getting warm enough to feel my body. As my blood circulates through me like molasses making me a human heat-sink.
A word to the wise...
Blasphemy comes in strange colors.
the end.
WOOO FINISHED IN TIME!
i got less then 10 minutes to post this before it's
THURSDAY!
i have already been inconsistent so far,
NOT COOL
must take large amounts of caffeine in my EYES.
rub leprechauns in all my opens sores, and if i don't have any.
MAKE SOME.
then calmly do my ritual dance around the toilette grasping a roll
of the the finest rice paper toliet paper encrusted with tiny gemstones
in the micro-weave fiber 1000 times denser than
the distance between the molecules in your fried eggs.
golly gee, mr, tawaneee, have you some more tea for me?
Erotic tea, tea that makes you libido crush itself into a very
very,
intense SUPERNOVA.
my god you will erupt with such a good feeling the blood in your body
will be pushed to all your extremities, and you will feel like your
dieing but AWESOME at the same time.
relax, you won't actually die if you have surgically installed 5 hearts
randomly in your body. Awwww YEA bitches.
I also installed a third arm, but sat on it too long by accident and now it's
just a floppy piece of cell membrane that blows around the wind like molted
snake skin.
Putting my daily routine aside. I have big plans awaiting, BIG ones, soon as it starts getting warm enough to feel my body. As my blood circulates through me like molasses making me a human heat-sink.
A word to the wise...
Blasphemy comes in strange colors.
the end.
WOOO FINISHED IN TIME!
3.01.2011
Pool Party
Don't go poopoo in the poolpool.
'cmon, no-one wants a floating battleship composed of
shit and other toxic materials.
And if you happen to have very dense rockhard poop.
NO ONE WANTS TO STEP ON SUBMARINES,
especially if they are mutated and decide to replicate
by shooting out tiny torpedo turds.
That's a nono for pool etiquette.
You need big adventure balloon floaty things.
Where you play sudden death matches NAKED.
better be well acquainted with your sudden death opponent.
Otherwise sexual harassment calls will be sent,
and you will be sent to jail and end up shitting
a mixture of poo and pain.
And if you're a woman, you will come out of prison
with a hole so wide that it'd have to be inspected every month
for weird makeshift sex objects and shanks that may have been
lodged in the upper ridges of your vagina canal.
And by canal i mean the ones you can tug a barge along by mule,
filled with treasures and silks from the far east you nincompoop.
trading is a fascinating trade isn't it?
wordy words give words a bad name, like your face after you make out with a blender.
Install programs in 3 easy steps
- bang your head on the keyboard
- rip all articles of clothing off
- massage your power chords like a garden snake.
don't offend, be a friend.
:]
'cmon, no-one wants a floating battleship composed of
shit and other toxic materials.
And if you happen to have very dense rockhard poop.
NO ONE WANTS TO STEP ON SUBMARINES,
especially if they are mutated and decide to replicate
by shooting out tiny torpedo turds.
That's a nono for pool etiquette.
You need big adventure balloon floaty things.
Where you play sudden death matches NAKED.
better be well acquainted with your sudden death opponent.
Otherwise sexual harassment calls will be sent,
and you will be sent to jail and end up shitting
a mixture of poo and pain.
And if you're a woman, you will come out of prison
with a hole so wide that it'd have to be inspected every month
for weird makeshift sex objects and shanks that may have been
lodged in the upper ridges of your vagina canal.
And by canal i mean the ones you can tug a barge along by mule,
filled with treasures and silks from the far east you nincompoop.
trading is a fascinating trade isn't it?
wordy words give words a bad name, like your face after you make out with a blender.
Install programs in 3 easy steps
- bang your head on the keyboard
- rip all articles of clothing off
- massage your power chords like a garden snake.
don't offend, be a friend.
:]
2.27.2011
Whatever you do, don't press THAT button.
It doesn't feel like morning.
It doesn't feel like anything.
nothing, at all.
empty?
plain.
boring.
mundane.
Throat has a little scratchy scratch to it.
swollen vocal chords that make you feel like you have
a lump in your throat. Soothe it with cool water from the
tap. burp out some air that has been hiding in your stomach.
Scratch your head and yawn so big your jaw might pop a little.
giant cheeseburgers for eyes?
a slight twitch to your left arm...
internals feel hot and dry.
quick go jump in the snow to survive.
and eat it all as if it were mashed potatoes.
that would be quite the feast.
if you ask me..
good morning folks.
It doesn't feel like anything.
nothing, at all.
empty?
plain.
boring.
mundane.
Throat has a little scratchy scratch to it.
swollen vocal chords that make you feel like you have
a lump in your throat. Soothe it with cool water from the
tap. burp out some air that has been hiding in your stomach.
Scratch your head and yawn so big your jaw might pop a little.
giant cheeseburgers for eyes?
a slight twitch to your left arm...
internals feel hot and dry.
quick go jump in the snow to survive.
and eat it all as if it were mashed potatoes.
that would be quite the feast.
if you ask me..
good morning folks.
2.25.2011
3:22 am talks
ahh sleep deprivation.
I welcome you back.
Maybe if i owned a love sack,
i'd give it a little tap tap
and pass out in your loving
squishy, beany buns.
mmm. buns.
Buns buns buns,
the more buns, the more fun.
Bread buns, sad buns,
red buns, saggy buns?
buns that make your lower eye lid quiver.
buns that retaliate when you stare at them too long.
I sell a dozen buns a-day.
over at joe's bun shop.
yes, i own a chain of stores.
some filled with really smelly cheese,
others with creative gifts to give to your deceased
pets.
But word oh word,
what kind of shops are those?
HOW ABSURD.
ill spit and pout,
fill some bean curd in your mouth
ruffle you up, and squeeze you thin
turn the tables on you,
be wary of the people you talk to,
ill fight them in a lick
throw some moves that'll make you sick
turn your body into a mangled mess.
make you cry back to your mama's breast.
but it's all just a test.
for your rite of passage.
into an underworld of thoughts,
a dark sinister plot.
To teach you all that i was taught.
a mouthful of words,
so confusing and dry.
seemingly indifferent.
is the only way to get by.
I welcome you back.
Maybe if i owned a love sack,
i'd give it a little tap tap
and pass out in your loving
squishy, beany buns.
mmm. buns.
Buns buns buns,
the more buns, the more fun.
Bread buns, sad buns,
red buns, saggy buns?
buns that make your lower eye lid quiver.
buns that retaliate when you stare at them too long.
I sell a dozen buns a-day.
over at joe's bun shop.
yes, i own a chain of stores.
some filled with really smelly cheese,
others with creative gifts to give to your deceased
pets.
But word oh word,
what kind of shops are those?
HOW ABSURD.
ill spit and pout,
fill some bean curd in your mouth
ruffle you up, and squeeze you thin
turn the tables on you,
be wary of the people you talk to,
ill fight them in a lick
throw some moves that'll make you sick
turn your body into a mangled mess.
make you cry back to your mama's breast.
but it's all just a test.
for your rite of passage.
into an underworld of thoughts,
a dark sinister plot.
To teach you all that i was taught.
a mouthful of words,
so confusing and dry.
seemingly indifferent.
is the only way to get by.
2.23.2011
2.22.2011
Asexual
I can hear them!
They're comming!
TAKE COVER
wooooooooosh~
IT'S A SEA OF SEX DEPRIVATION
oh my god, they are humping everything into DUST.
Scruffy? WHERE ARE YOU GOING SCRUFFY?!?!?
don't...NOO...don't do that to my brother!
You have just lost your brother.
He has been suffucated by sex juice
and sweaty thighs.
but you can't mourn.
You cannot sit by and watch the lunatic
gaze in their eyes zero in on you.
You must carry off on foot, or car or bus, or airplane.
whatever is readily available!
Leave the country, cover your tracks.
Once they smell your scent, they will cross oceans
to find you.
Burn all traces of your name and cover yourself in something that smells different.
Break into the skunk exhibit and rub Mr. and Mrs. Skunk all over your body
and then paint yourself black and white and live together with them as a happy family.
Only then will you be truely free.
From the sex craved marketing schemes
that have taken the form of really large,
rather hairy, and rather deformed.
men.
...if they can even be called. "men" anymore.
They're comming!
TAKE COVER
wooooooooosh~
IT'S A SEA OF SEX DEPRIVATION
oh my god, they are humping everything into DUST.
Scruffy? WHERE ARE YOU GOING SCRUFFY?!?!?
don't...NOO...don't do that to my brother!
You have just lost your brother.
He has been suffucated by sex juice
and sweaty thighs.
but you can't mourn.
You cannot sit by and watch the lunatic
gaze in their eyes zero in on you.
You must carry off on foot, or car or bus, or airplane.
whatever is readily available!
Leave the country, cover your tracks.
Once they smell your scent, they will cross oceans
to find you.
Burn all traces of your name and cover yourself in something that smells different.
Break into the skunk exhibit and rub Mr. and Mrs. Skunk all over your body
and then paint yourself black and white and live together with them as a happy family.
Only then will you be truely free.
From the sex craved marketing schemes
that have taken the form of really large,
rather hairy, and rather deformed.
men.
...if they can even be called. "men" anymore.
2.21.2011
They all fall down.
Sometimes i like to breathe Oscar Meyer wieners out my nose.
Don't judge. It's the best way to prepare
a delicious meal for a party.
Snot makes the best garnish for your wiener.
Partying is special. A time to celebrate living.
Or if it's an ACTUAL occasion for once.
like groundhog day.
OR the invention of the furry flavored ice pop.
made from real groundhogs.
But we indulge into a social atmosphere and jerk our hips
back and forth to the heavy bass waves
singing "dance dance dance" to your bones.
Your wiggly little BONES.
Then a mad dog tries to get your bones.
You be like naaah, fuck that. MY bones stay
with me. Then you proceed to try and steal someone elses
bones.
Bones make up you. And they make up me.
Disassemble and rearrange and you have
JENGA! and everything will fall to the ground
because the original factory structure has been
illegally hacked and torn from the packaging and
put together by a bunch of inbreed monkey fish
that have only 2 eyes.
pff. the words that come out of some peoples mouths!
Lay off the drink, brah.
Milk that bong a little less.
Sterilize your syringe first.
And remember, happy thoughts always.
even if your jenga blocks fall down.
Personally i woulda punched the interviewer in the face and fed him those blocks one by one till he started pooping them out as fast as he was ingesting them. Making him a perpetual device. That'll be a good Guinness book world record.
Don't judge. It's the best way to prepare
a delicious meal for a party.
Snot makes the best garnish for your wiener.
Partying is special. A time to celebrate living.
Or if it's an ACTUAL occasion for once.
like groundhog day.
OR the invention of the furry flavored ice pop.
made from real groundhogs.
But we indulge into a social atmosphere and jerk our hips
back and forth to the heavy bass waves
singing "dance dance dance" to your bones.
Your wiggly little BONES.
Then a mad dog tries to get your bones.
You be like naaah, fuck that. MY bones stay
with me. Then you proceed to try and steal someone elses
bones.
Bones make up you. And they make up me.
Disassemble and rearrange and you have
JENGA! and everything will fall to the ground
because the original factory structure has been
illegally hacked and torn from the packaging and
put together by a bunch of inbreed monkey fish
that have only 2 eyes.
pff. the words that come out of some peoples mouths!
Lay off the drink, brah.
Milk that bong a little less.
Sterilize your syringe first.
And remember, happy thoughts always.
even if your jenga blocks fall down.
Personally i woulda punched the interviewer in the face and fed him those blocks one by one till he started pooping them out as fast as he was ingesting them. Making him a perpetual device. That'll be a good Guinness book world record.
2.19.2011
food for thought?
PALPITATIONS~
hooray!
bump bump goes that overbearing heart beat.
god are you gunna die?
FUCK FUCK
we gotta do everything we can before your heart decides to turn
into rancid onions.
(by the way, i can't eat onions. They make me gag)
Fresh flowers, you need flowers, in every orifice of your body.
You gotta turn yourself into that bouquet of beautiful MAN flowers,
or women flowers. But i like to think they are flowers already. MAN FLOWERS ALL THE WAY.
Inhale every thing that you were afraid to because it would shorten your life.
asbestos is at the top of the list, go to that old abandoned factory you live next door to and rip lines from the deteriorating walls. I want that nose of yours to BE the vacuum of the cleaning lady that doesn't speak English very well aka. the nicest person in the world.
Once you feel like you are dying, it will make dying easier, and you will have no hope. Because you know there is no chance because you have 50000 different things that cause cancer in your body by now.
die having fun, make your body hate you and turn to NOODLES before your very eyes.
You will be such a noodley mess when you hit your grave. They will strain your blood in an extra large colander and spread your sauce to all the little Italys in the world.
mmm, im hungry. are you?
hooray!
bump bump goes that overbearing heart beat.
god are you gunna die?
FUCK FUCK
we gotta do everything we can before your heart decides to turn
into rancid onions.
(by the way, i can't eat onions. They make me gag)
Fresh flowers, you need flowers, in every orifice of your body.
You gotta turn yourself into that bouquet of beautiful MAN flowers,
or women flowers. But i like to think they are flowers already. MAN FLOWERS ALL THE WAY.
Inhale every thing that you were afraid to because it would shorten your life.
asbestos is at the top of the list, go to that old abandoned factory you live next door to and rip lines from the deteriorating walls. I want that nose of yours to BE the vacuum of the cleaning lady that doesn't speak English very well aka. the nicest person in the world.
Once you feel like you are dying, it will make dying easier, and you will have no hope. Because you know there is no chance because you have 50000 different things that cause cancer in your body by now.
die having fun, make your body hate you and turn to NOODLES before your very eyes.
You will be such a noodley mess when you hit your grave. They will strain your blood in an extra large colander and spread your sauce to all the little Italys in the world.
mmm, im hungry. are you?
2.18.2011
It's at your door. what will you do?
Happy travels.
A con artist is at your doorstep.
what do you do?
Well, ill tell you a little something something.
RUN AWayayyayy!
for he is pretending to be your father.
He may look like him, talk like him. Have the same scars he did.
But this is not the father you had.
This can't be the father that died long ago.
So the only reasonable conclusion is a con artist trying to get your MONEY.
Don't believe his lies when he tries to convince you.
don't believe his remarkably convincing back story of why he is still alive.
GO in your kitchen, pick up the meat cleaver and start banging pots to freak him out. Start pulling your hair out and ripping off pieces of your clothes. let your eyes BUG out and your saliva drool. jump on the counter and try to air hump the light fixtures on the ceiling. Lick the backs of the knives and slide them erotically over your left nipple. Throw everything out of the fridge and onto the floors and devour them with no hands. Look up at his horrified face and scratch your nose, then continue what you were doing. Hopefully he won't approach. And just back away soo slowly, then suddenly dart off back to his highly waxed BMW.
Advice from your crazy neighbor, never felt so good.
A con artist is at your doorstep.
what do you do?
Well, ill tell you a little something something.
RUN AWayayyayy!
for he is pretending to be your father.
He may look like him, talk like him. Have the same scars he did.
But this is not the father you had.
This can't be the father that died long ago.
So the only reasonable conclusion is a con artist trying to get your MONEY.
Don't believe his lies when he tries to convince you.
don't believe his remarkably convincing back story of why he is still alive.
GO in your kitchen, pick up the meat cleaver and start banging pots to freak him out. Start pulling your hair out and ripping off pieces of your clothes. let your eyes BUG out and your saliva drool. jump on the counter and try to air hump the light fixtures on the ceiling. Lick the backs of the knives and slide them erotically over your left nipple. Throw everything out of the fridge and onto the floors and devour them with no hands. Look up at his horrified face and scratch your nose, then continue what you were doing. Hopefully he won't approach. And just back away soo slowly, then suddenly dart off back to his highly waxed BMW.
Advice from your crazy neighbor, never felt so good.
2.16.2011
Rabid fantasia.
So if you've actually been reading my posts.
You will know that I LOVE RACCOONS.
as much as i love cows.
One day, when i have enough money. I will build a lab with it's primary focus as genetically
fusing both a raccoon and a cow.
It will be called. the Raccow.
Now the Raccow will be different from BOTH it's parents.
It needs to breast feed every 20 min.
and it doesn't scavenge for garbage.
It scavanges for lost souls floating around
in random infinite abysses
that you may or may not have fallin into
during your life expirences.
It's super fast~
You can train them to become a vehicle to work.
All they need as fuel is your naughty thoughts,
so perverts THIS IS FOR YOU.
You will save the planet from Fossil fuel emissions!
and if anyone has a negative comment about you talking dirty to your raccow.
squirt the raccow's 20 gallon reserve of milk into their face!
BOOYA
You will know that I LOVE RACCOONS.
as much as i love cows.
One day, when i have enough money. I will build a lab with it's primary focus as genetically
fusing both a raccoon and a cow.
It will be called. the Raccow.
Now the Raccow will be different from BOTH it's parents.
It needs to breast feed every 20 min.
and it doesn't scavenge for garbage.
It scavanges for lost souls floating around
in random infinite abysses
that you may or may not have fallin into
during your life expirences.
It's super fast~
You can train them to become a vehicle to work.
All they need as fuel is your naughty thoughts,
so perverts THIS IS FOR YOU.
You will save the planet from Fossil fuel emissions!
and if anyone has a negative comment about you talking dirty to your raccow.
squirt the raccow's 20 gallon reserve of milk into their face!
BOOYA
2.15.2011
Pick yourself up, like leaves in the fall.
Watch out for cliff hangers.
They will pick you up,
and you'll never fall down.
That is, until you meet the conclusion within
yourself.
and you just give up.
Then you'll be dropped.
But not too fast.
Actually.
Pretty slow.
You'll float back down,
like a leaf or a petal,
Like you weigh
nothing.
However, once you hit the ground.
It won't be the same place you were before.
It'll be different. Changed.
Will you get back into your old swing?
Or find a newer, cooler swing?
Another beat to carry your step.
Maybe a slow thud of a bass line
bends yours knees,
and the snare of a drum
launches each step with a snap.
Once you have a groove,
change it up.
Play some trembly highs with your eyes.
Sway to those mid tones with your waist.
Fall in both directions,
and melt into the mix.
Your sight will dither,
You will get farther from reality with each step.
And maybe find something new.
Something awe inspiring.
Each step you take, farther into the beyond.
Will change you.
Don't be afraid,
if you know your steps are in the right direction.
Don't look back.
It'll slow you down.
You only have so much time.
Go for it.
Inspire.
They will pick you up,
and you'll never fall down.
That is, until you meet the conclusion within
yourself.
and you just give up.
Then you'll be dropped.
But not too fast.
Actually.
Pretty slow.
You'll float back down,
like a leaf or a petal,
Like you weigh
nothing.
However, once you hit the ground.
It won't be the same place you were before.
It'll be different. Changed.
Will you get back into your old swing?
Or find a newer, cooler swing?
Another beat to carry your step.
Maybe a slow thud of a bass line
bends yours knees,
and the snare of a drum
launches each step with a snap.
Once you have a groove,
change it up.
Play some trembly highs with your eyes.
Sway to those mid tones with your waist.
Fall in both directions,
and melt into the mix.
Your sight will dither,
You will get farther from reality with each step.
And maybe find something new.
Something awe inspiring.
Each step you take, farther into the beyond.
Will change you.
Don't be afraid,
if you know your steps are in the right direction.
Don't look back.
It'll slow you down.
You only have so much time.
Go for it.
Inspire.
2.14.2011
2.13.2011
It's hot in here.
I feel it wiggling in my stomach.
Oh my word it's a FLY,
A fly got trapped in my stomach you see!
It's traveling through my intestines!
EWWW IT CAME OUT MY BUTT.
and this is why flies hang around poo.
THEY ARE POO.
but.
IT'S AN EVOLUTIONARY TRAIT,
poo with wings > poo
Yay for evolution! What do you think will come next.
What would humans evolve into.
fang'd creatures?
Wingly Beasts?
A large advertisement for Wal Mart?
maybe, we will just become smarter.
Our brains will evolve, and we could see
problems as they are coming right at you.
Allowing you to side step DODGE that traffic
and cruise life in the fast lane.
Then we would have no pain, no more loss. No more issues.
Everything bad will be avoided.
And it will be just good.
everything will be good.
your shits, will be good.
too.
PEACE OUTTT
Oh my word it's a FLY,
A fly got trapped in my stomach you see!
It's traveling through my intestines!
EWWW IT CAME OUT MY BUTT.
and this is why flies hang around poo.
THEY ARE POO.
but.
IT'S AN EVOLUTIONARY TRAIT,
poo with wings > poo
Yay for evolution! What do you think will come next.
What would humans evolve into.
fang'd creatures?
Wingly Beasts?
A large advertisement for Wal Mart?
maybe, we will just become smarter.
Our brains will evolve, and we could see
problems as they are coming right at you.
Allowing you to side step DODGE that traffic
and cruise life in the fast lane.
Then we would have no pain, no more loss. No more issues.
Everything bad will be avoided.
And it will be just good.
everything will be good.
your shits, will be good.
too.
PEACE OUTTT
2.12.2011
Treat yourself to something nice.
Hellloo!
everyone.
I'm here to bring all your attention. The big sign with darty arrows IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
yea, that one. hm, signs like that would be quite...
I mean, just loook, at them!
youuuu know.
ha ha ha ha ha.
Well, drifting offf into outerspace. It's nice to drip down into the atmosphere every now and then. Just dip your feet. The ones you dance on, do that ratatapn'
all over the place. The ceiling! the WALLS! and possibly the floor? Only if you are rightside up in the head. Which i am not, you could say i'm a tad bit off my rocker.
But. why is that so bad? To be energetic in the things you like? well, i get a kick out of watching my mind dance and flutter to whooonoes. An empty space.
Deep meditation? Self realization? to spin the refracting lens on your perception?
Hmph, possible. But i don't know what's really up there.
OOOO
wouldn't it be cool if you looked up.
and.
say, everyone's thoughts.
slipping past each other.
In strands of characters and punctuation.
DNA strands, of our existence.
Even when we die.
Those thoughts. YOUR PERSONAL THOUGHTS.
still float around, in the endless web.
that is our,
existence.
Wow. Wooooahwaowoah. wow.
C'mon people, let me hear your heart pound strong. Flail your arms in discombobulated ways.
And say hi to the world.
In which the world, will smile back.
and.
Say how do you do?!
You yell. AJDFGSFAWAEUJDSAGHA.
World yells back. Me too. Me too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
happiness.
everyone.
I'm here to bring all your attention. The big sign with darty arrows IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
yea, that one. hm, signs like that would be quite...
I mean, just loook, at them!
youuuu know.
ha ha ha ha ha.
Well, drifting offf into outerspace. It's nice to drip down into the atmosphere every now and then. Just dip your feet. The ones you dance on, do that ratatapn'
all over the place. The ceiling! the WALLS! and possibly the floor? Only if you are rightside up in the head. Which i am not, you could say i'm a tad bit off my rocker.
But. why is that so bad? To be energetic in the things you like? well, i get a kick out of watching my mind dance and flutter to whooonoes. An empty space.
Deep meditation? Self realization? to spin the refracting lens on your perception?
Hmph, possible. But i don't know what's really up there.
OOOO
wouldn't it be cool if you looked up.
and.
say, everyone's thoughts.
slipping past each other.
In strands of characters and punctuation.
DNA strands, of our existence.
Even when we die.
Those thoughts. YOUR PERSONAL THOUGHTS.
still float around, in the endless web.
that is our,
existence.
Wow. Wooooahwaowoah. wow.
C'mon people, let me hear your heart pound strong. Flail your arms in discombobulated ways.
And say hi to the world.
In which the world, will smile back.
and.
Say how do you do?!
You yell. AJDFGSFAWAEUJDSAGHA.
World yells back. Me too. Me too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
happiness.
2.10.2011
Let's play a game.
Helllooooo!
Now we will do a fun activity.
Everyone take the biggest mistake you've
made in your life at this point.
Got it?
ok!
we are going to turn this into an
interactive game for children 4 and up!
Made from corrugated cardboard and glitter,
it will teach kids NEVER to fuck up like you have!
Without them even knowing it!
They will laugh and sing to your problem,
With their innocent little minds you are being
the wise one, in teaching them a wise lesson.
Example A:
"I took large amounts of CRACK. I love CRACK. I did CRACK
ALL the time with my CRACK head friends. Now all i feel is CRACK,
I have no emotion, and i twitch sporadically so i can't even jerk off
without banging my hand against the person sitting next to me in class!
Oh CRACK, my love, why are you so cruel! I can't even do multiplication
anymore as i just fill in CRACK for all the answers. I failed math, science,
English, Spanish, and even my origami class. My life is a pool of dribbling
stooopidity. Gosh, i should have done something besides CRACK, like
my homework."
-Life of a crackhead.
Now the game is simple. We build a board, color in some squares with glitter, have a few six sided die, then just throw in some game pieces made of CRACK. The children are 4 and up, so you don't have to worry about them ingesting anything. Lastly put some epic adventure tale and build creative cards corresponding to the spaces.
The game will be a riot! And thanks to classical "conditioning" the kids will indulge in the sense of feeling and seeing what CRACK is actually like! So when they grow older, and a crackhead tries to deal them crack, they will look at it and be like "NO WAY DUDE! YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO SELL ME GAME PIECES! you wack! stupid motherfuckin' con artist!" They will then proceed to kick the crackheads ass and take all his money.
So, if YOU want your child to be "street smart", and make some money on the side in order to support higher education. Treat them with a game of CRACK! They'll never go back!
Now we will do a fun activity.
Everyone take the biggest mistake you've
made in your life at this point.
Got it?
ok!
we are going to turn this into an
interactive game for children 4 and up!
Made from corrugated cardboard and glitter,
it will teach kids NEVER to fuck up like you have!
Without them even knowing it!
They will laugh and sing to your problem,
With their innocent little minds you are being
the wise one, in teaching them a wise lesson.
Example A:
"I took large amounts of CRACK. I love CRACK. I did CRACK
ALL the time with my CRACK head friends. Now all i feel is CRACK,
I have no emotion, and i twitch sporadically so i can't even jerk off
without banging my hand against the person sitting next to me in class!
Oh CRACK, my love, why are you so cruel! I can't even do multiplication
anymore as i just fill in CRACK for all the answers. I failed math, science,
English, Spanish, and even my origami class. My life is a pool of dribbling
stooopidity. Gosh, i should have done something besides CRACK, like
my homework."
-Life of a crackhead.
Now the game is simple. We build a board, color in some squares with glitter, have a few six sided die, then just throw in some game pieces made of CRACK. The children are 4 and up, so you don't have to worry about them ingesting anything. Lastly put some epic adventure tale and build creative cards corresponding to the spaces.
The game will be a riot! And thanks to classical "conditioning" the kids will indulge in the sense of feeling and seeing what CRACK is actually like! So when they grow older, and a crackhead tries to deal them crack, they will look at it and be like "NO WAY DUDE! YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO SELL ME GAME PIECES! you wack! stupid motherfuckin' con artist!" They will then proceed to kick the crackheads ass and take all his money.
So, if YOU want your child to be "street smart", and make some money on the side in order to support higher education. Treat them with a game of CRACK! They'll never go back!
Music hits me like an angry frat boy sometimes
I think i'm feeling it now, OH YEA
more moremoremoremoreee, right THERE
all around THERE
touch it please but don't be rough,
the play button can only take so much.
cause it's sensitive and if you do.
it will become raw and never talk to you.
and we don't want that. do we?
:D
Across The Universe. by Joe Baker the music man
Listen to my cover of Across the Universe by the Beatles! I've been meaning to cover this song for a long long time! It's just a quick demo at the moment, because i've been so busy, but enjoy!
Here's my Sound Cloud!
I have 2 other songs that i made in a land before time...it's preeettty coool. aha
more moremoremoremoreee, right THERE
all around THERE
touch it please but don't be rough,
the play button can only take so much.
cause it's sensitive and if you do.
it will become raw and never talk to you.
and we don't want that. do we?
:D
Across The Universe. by Joe Baker the music man
Listen to my cover of Across the Universe by the Beatles! I've been meaning to cover this song for a long long time! It's just a quick demo at the moment, because i've been so busy, but enjoy!
Here's my Sound Cloud!
I have 2 other songs that i made in a land before time...it's preeettty coool. aha
2.08.2011
Poetic exercise (vlog)
beware, of highlighter pink underwear
FOR MEN.
they eat your semen..
Everything after "giggly little worm" is improv! :D
FOR MEN.
they eat your semen..
Everything after "giggly little worm" is improv! :D
2.07.2011
Do you need senses to feel something real?
I’m going to a party, it’s in a city… a strange city I’m not familiar with. While walking around I see some familiar faces waiting by an old wooden door attached to a large brick wall. They knock a few times and are let in. I follow of course.
Inside is a small corridor leading to a set of windy stairs to the left. Straight ahead is a dining hall where it looks like someone is having a wedding recession. Well I take the stairs to the basement.
Down there I see more familiar faces and am instantly hit with a force that makes my body feel altered. There is music playing, but it isn’t something I heard before, it was completely original and seemed to emit from the walls.
Of course, for those who know me, music + me = dance. So I danced, danced to my heart’s content until someone said the cops were coming. How cliché, how overdone, I ran outside to see the commotion.
It was practically nothing and the owners of the place smooth talked or bribed the officer into leaving. I walked back into the side entrance and found myself in a different hallway. It was weird so I went back outside and I was absolutely positive this was the way I exited. The hallways had a bathroom with men shaving on one end. The other end looked to be a science convention, with a few old high school friends playing ping pong in lab coats. I exchanged some glances around the maze of creation and found no other way out.
I ventured outside again and contemplated using the front door. But as I approached the front steps, something ominous came over me. I decided the bad vibes were not something I wanted to deal with and again checked the side entrance.
Much to my surprise, the room changed completely. No more hallways, I was in a guitar exhibit from a museum. I scanned the guitars hung on the walls each with their own unique coloring. Two kids suddenly rushed in. One of them had a guitar cradled in his arms like a wounded solider. They approached a man with glasses, and he started to exam the guitar as if he was a doctor. The two kids looked scared, and overwhelmed at the situation.
Well, I as overwhelmed as they were. As I walked around I got a weirder sense of this world, the familiarity of my surroundings were combated with many strange oddities.
Makes you think sometimes --what DOES this all mean?
2.06.2011
A super beer
It's that time again,
the holiday where beer farts run rapid
throughout the whole country
reducing oxygen levels in the atmosphere
and allowing us to feel the natural
"high" we get when our brain cells
die from the deprived oxygen.
Pour some beer in your Cheerios
to make them "extra" cheery
Replace all shampoos and soups with
a fine cocktail of wine,vodka,rum,gin,tequila,whiskey,moonshine,absinthe, and of course.
More beer.
You will be transformed into that drink you crave,
Your liver will become your own distillery
and your piss will contain more alcohol than any other drink on the market,
The toilet bowl becomes a mixing bowl, have you and your buddies take turns
filling it up and then reroute the plumbing into your mouth,
to start the process all over again!
chug chug chug goes your heart trying to deliver every last bit of ethynol
to the eagerly awaiting cells, head to toe.
But sometimes too much is too much
and your friend becomes a foe
inwhich your body slams in reverse, and the momentum
carries everything you injest up and away,
and you close your eyes to only to open them,
another day.
-Cheers everybody, cheers.
the holiday where beer farts run rapid
throughout the whole country
reducing oxygen levels in the atmosphere
and allowing us to feel the natural
"high" we get when our brain cells
die from the deprived oxygen.
Pour some beer in your Cheerios
to make them "extra" cheery
Replace all shampoos and soups with
a fine cocktail of wine,vodka,rum,gin,tequila,whiskey,moonshine,absinthe, and of course.
More beer.
You will be transformed into that drink you crave,
Your liver will become your own distillery
and your piss will contain more alcohol than any other drink on the market,
The toilet bowl becomes a mixing bowl, have you and your buddies take turns
filling it up and then reroute the plumbing into your mouth,
to start the process all over again!
chug chug chug goes your heart trying to deliver every last bit of ethynol
to the eagerly awaiting cells, head to toe.
But sometimes too much is too much
and your friend becomes a foe
inwhich your body slams in reverse, and the momentum
carries everything you injest up and away,
and you close your eyes to only to open them,
another day.
-Cheers everybody, cheers.
2.05.2011
IM TIRED.
Farrr outtt, she said she said.
As she took me to her bed.
Under her bed were amusing things
lint and dirt, people that were once hurt,
dust bunnies from hell, ones that are not
so swell,
Speak to the little one on the right,
be careful of what you say, for you may be
in for a fight,
stand your ground. chin up high
(or low in this manner so you don't hit the ceiling of the bed)
Cripple the sun of a bitch and it will all go dark,
Soothe the loner and it will be alrite,
Overtime it will collect friends,
Reassure it this, and im sure you'll spend more time
under your own bed.
As she took me to her bed.
Under her bed were amusing things
lint and dirt, people that were once hurt,
dust bunnies from hell, ones that are not
so swell,
Speak to the little one on the right,
be careful of what you say, for you may be
in for a fight,
stand your ground. chin up high
(or low in this manner so you don't hit the ceiling of the bed)
Cripple the sun of a bitch and it will all go dark,
Soothe the loner and it will be alrite,
Overtime it will collect friends,
Reassure it this, and im sure you'll spend more time
under your own bed.
2.04.2011
Swimming in a sea, of brain wave simplicity.
I just love fridays,
it's a weird feeling, like AHHH I just took a big shit and something is gone,
something that needs to be filled up,
my fun meter?
uhuhuhuh! :D
I tend to deposit random objects in that void.
Dolphines are my number one target.
They feel funny when the swim around inside me.
Sometimes they have sex in certain body cavities that are off limits,
those darn dolphines, i gotta tame them.
Usually when they dance i dance,
They get into the tips of my fingers and swim forward pulling the rest of my body
in the same direction,
When they here a funny joke they tap my diaphragm and cause my lungs to convulse
in what we call laughing.
Sometimes they have bad gas and give me heartburn,
but it's ok, i love them anyway.
Whatever i injest, they do too.
Which explains a lot.
:)
Tame your inner dolphine! tame yo body, rock that shit, and don't talk to strangers with hairy hairy hands.
it's a weird feeling, like AHHH I just took a big shit and something is gone,
something that needs to be filled up,
my fun meter?
uhuhuhuh! :D
I tend to deposit random objects in that void.
Dolphines are my number one target.
They feel funny when the swim around inside me.
Sometimes they have sex in certain body cavities that are off limits,
those darn dolphines, i gotta tame them.
Usually when they dance i dance,
They get into the tips of my fingers and swim forward pulling the rest of my body
in the same direction,
When they here a funny joke they tap my diaphragm and cause my lungs to convulse
in what we call laughing.
Sometimes they have bad gas and give me heartburn,
but it's ok, i love them anyway.
Whatever i injest, they do too.
Which explains a lot.
:)
Tame your inner dolphine! tame yo body, rock that shit, and don't talk to strangers with hairy hairy hands.
2.03.2011
2.02.2011
Rumble rumble fart
MY TUMMY!
someone save my dear tummy.
It's pulling away, im going to have a hole there!
A black hole, or maybe a purple one. Are they customizable?
NO i must maintain concentration!
OHMMM OHMMM MEDITATIVE STANCE!
FLYING DRAGON WITH SCALES THAT BURN
like lemons in your eyes!
I am the lemon dragon!
full of lemons, full of despair.
Lemonade half off?
Ahem,
Welcome one and all to Joe's Nacho stand.
Fresh lemonade from dragons and fresh nachos
from our nacho plants deep in the heart of the U.S.
110% organic!
FEEL and SEE the nachos go through your body with our x-ray
toys given out in our nacho bags for kids!
Choose from the array of our radioactive colored sauces!
Some even i haven't tried yet, this gives you SUPER SUSPENSE IN EACH BITE
Beef or no beef? chicken? horse? Duck? Whale? Easter bunny?
Slam any type of meat in your mouth with those crispy chips
Don't forget to lick the tables clean! Plates are for barbarians!
Be served on the table, clean the table, and i won't have to hire a busboy again!
...Dammit i'm hungry.
someone save my dear tummy.
It's pulling away, im going to have a hole there!
A black hole, or maybe a purple one. Are they customizable?
NO i must maintain concentration!
OHMMM OHMMM MEDITATIVE STANCE!
FLYING DRAGON WITH SCALES THAT BURN
like lemons in your eyes!
I am the lemon dragon!
full of lemons, full of despair.
Lemonade half off?
Ahem,
Welcome one and all to Joe's Nacho stand.
Fresh lemonade from dragons and fresh nachos
from our nacho plants deep in the heart of the U.S.
110% organic!
FEEL and SEE the nachos go through your body with our x-ray
toys given out in our nacho bags for kids!
Choose from the array of our radioactive colored sauces!
Some even i haven't tried yet, this gives you SUPER SUSPENSE IN EACH BITE
Beef or no beef? chicken? horse? Duck? Whale? Easter bunny?
Slam any type of meat in your mouth with those crispy chips
Don't forget to lick the tables clean! Plates are for barbarians!
Be served on the table, clean the table, and i won't have to hire a busboy again!
...Dammit i'm hungry.
2.01.2011
Brain Toxicity.
...wait I felt this before
I feel like…
Like googoo gaga’s and unicorn farts
It’s quite intoxicating those unicorn farts.
Moving along, I thought of you.
of course, in a song
A song that plays in the back of my head
Well, to me it kinda said.
Crack goes the bell at dawn
when I wake up next to you
My dear little fawn.
But nonono it’s not the crack that you smoke
From the moment you toke
you know that you’re broke
Come to think of it maybe that’s life
Instead of expending energy,
Let’s smoke some crack
Then we will all be the same,
No more classes of popularity
And no more kingdoms for the rich
For we will all be crack heads.
I feel like…
Like googoo gaga’s and unicorn farts
It’s quite intoxicating those unicorn farts.
Moving along, I thought of you.
of course, in a song
A song that plays in the back of my head
Well, to me it kinda said.
Crack goes the bell at dawn
when I wake up next to you
My dear little fawn.
But nonono it’s not the crack that you smoke
From the moment you toke
you know that you’re broke
Come to think of it maybe that’s life
Instead of expending energy,
Let’s smoke some crack
Then we will all be the same,
No more classes of popularity
And no more kingdoms for the rich
For we will all be crack heads.
argghhh, pirate day is only one dubloon away!
And thus i give you this,
for he is one of my many heroes :P
for he is one of my many heroes :P
1.30.2011
Making out with your food.
Let's all do the hungry dance.
Ill fancy your french fry if you let me have some
tickles.
And don't worry where the salt may lie,For all i know it's buried in my sigh
The sigh that is so salty and dry
Like the sarcasm that hits you
with desert wind,
makes you dry too,
but dry isn't the only one, what about
a humid sweaty mouth,
full of spring showers that soak those around
oozing drool leaking out the creases of your lips.
Which would you rather make out with?
A slobbery fool or a dry spoken maniac
Imagine...
That dry tongue licking your mouth clean,
like sandpaper candy, or toothbrush bristles
filing away at the unseen.
Or the wet seal that wiggles around,
slitherling slowly like a slug,
leaving a trail between your teeth and gum.
Is there balance, something to find?
You search and search for the one of a kind
When you see it is there some kinda sign?
Or is it just chance, luck, coincidence?
I don't know, ask yourself. that.
Ill fancy your french fry if you let me have some
tickles.
And don't worry where the salt may lie,For all i know it's buried in my sigh
The sigh that is so salty and dry
Like the sarcasm that hits you
with desert wind,
makes you dry too,
but dry isn't the only one, what about
a humid sweaty mouth,
full of spring showers that soak those around
oozing drool leaking out the creases of your lips.
Which would you rather make out with?
A slobbery fool or a dry spoken maniac
Imagine...
That dry tongue licking your mouth clean,
like sandpaper candy, or toothbrush bristles
filing away at the unseen.
Or the wet seal that wiggles around,
slitherling slowly like a slug,
leaving a trail between your teeth and gum.
Is there balance, something to find?
You search and search for the one of a kind
When you see it is there some kinda sign?
Or is it just chance, luck, coincidence?
I don't know, ask yourself. that.
1.29.2011
You.
You know the time, when you can't decifier fact from, fact?
It's all just a blur, your mind concentrates on the empty space.
What's in that empty space?
Well, anything.
Anything that you can draw with those paintbrush receptors in your head.
A scene, a conflict, a song, a joke, a new scientific discovery.
It's all there you just have to make it.
Make it into something beautiful, something you can appreciate.
You are your hardest critic, so please yourself, and other reviews seem to matter far less.
Let go of any constraints you build yourself into. Being boxed in like animals
being massproduced to feed our hungry gut of laziness is not something we're meant to do.
Be wild.
Be strong.
Be, someone who you can recogonize and say,
yes, this is who I am.
It's all just a blur, your mind concentrates on the empty space.
What's in that empty space?
Well, anything.
Anything that you can draw with those paintbrush receptors in your head.
A scene, a conflict, a song, a joke, a new scientific discovery.
It's all there you just have to make it.
Make it into something beautiful, something you can appreciate.
You are your hardest critic, so please yourself, and other reviews seem to matter far less.
Let go of any constraints you build yourself into. Being boxed in like animals
being massproduced to feed our hungry gut of laziness is not something we're meant to do.
Be wild.
Be strong.
Be, someone who you can recogonize and say,
yes, this is who I am.
1.28.2011
Something smells fishy...
IT'S TOTALLY FRIDAY! WHY ARE YOU READING THIS?
go out have a ball! or two if you are a real man.
Now what governs your mind. Do you have your own little king, sitting on a tiny control tower telling
the rest of the assembly to do the fuck as he says?
Or do you like to contemplate things more, maybe have a president and a couple of houses try and bat around
decisions and solutions.
Maybe it's more free thinking, like the fellow anarchist that just wants to do whatever. --and the hell with what everyone else thinks cause it's THEIR mind.
Whichever the case, none of these governing mental bodies can brace themselves from the underwater pressure that squeezes your internals so you choke on the inner membranes of the cell walls of your lungs.
That is why we should all grow gills, a fantastic FANTASTIC idea.
We could lift weights so much more efficiently, impress even the most muscle craving sexplosion into your arms.
OH, shit yea, what else? YOU HAVE RAINBOW SCALES?
what? you can just rearrange them to your liking cause clothes cannot beat the beauty of being colorfully naked all the time.
Some people may call you princess, but with scales you can spell out princess and be the smelly snatch out of the bunch.
Never have a "dry" spell again! YOU ARE ALWAYS LUBERCATED BY OCEAN CURRENTS!
and you'll be exfoliated constantly by the the brush of tantalizing sea salt.
WHY THE FUCK DONT WE LIVE IN THE OCEAN?
go out have a ball! or two if you are a real man.
Now what governs your mind. Do you have your own little king, sitting on a tiny control tower telling
the rest of the assembly to do the fuck as he says?
Or do you like to contemplate things more, maybe have a president and a couple of houses try and bat around
decisions and solutions.
Maybe it's more free thinking, like the fellow anarchist that just wants to do whatever. --and the hell with what everyone else thinks cause it's THEIR mind.
Whichever the case, none of these governing mental bodies can brace themselves from the underwater pressure that squeezes your internals so you choke on the inner membranes of the cell walls of your lungs.
That is why we should all grow gills, a fantastic FANTASTIC idea.
We could lift weights so much more efficiently, impress even the most muscle craving sexplosion into your arms.
OH, shit yea, what else? YOU HAVE RAINBOW SCALES?
what? you can just rearrange them to your liking cause clothes cannot beat the beauty of being colorfully naked all the time.
Some people may call you princess, but with scales you can spell out princess and be the smelly snatch out of the bunch.
Never have a "dry" spell again! YOU ARE ALWAYS LUBERCATED BY OCEAN CURRENTS!
and you'll be exfoliated constantly by the the brush of tantalizing sea salt.
WHY THE FUCK DONT WE LIVE IN THE OCEAN?
1.27.2011
Excitement!
I also like strange erotic hats...IS THAT A PROBLEM?
:D
:D
 |
| I decided to censor what i originally drew so i gave her/whatever that is, a robe. |
The Elmers glue, a doorway to creativity.
sooooooo, anyway. how you are? what are you doing tonite?will that include a sac of watermellons?
And that sac being your boobs,
SO CAN I EAT YO WATTA MELLONS!?
im parched and need hydration from the lickity sweetness of the land of tits
or by god damn i'll throw a fit!
I'll whine and scream just like a child you wish you never had.
I'll throw my peas out the window and it will land on the newly fixed windshield,
broken by a previous bowl of mooshy fewd.
I'll run around and feed your cows, and yes i mean THOSE COWS.
The cows that are your tits, your beautiful utters that flomp around without support,
'less of course they are bit on the shy side and don't hang loose like a drunk senior citizen.
Then by all means show your mounds, the proud things you have found when you started
to develop hair under there.
Moving along pubic hair and such, what about the pimples some people never got, don't you wish you could
just flick yours off and onto their spotless face? A little splatter art with puss and blood for those who know all too well what happens when you pop a serious "biggie".
But it's cool, you grow older and understand it all. The birds and the bees become natural things like they always have been. You live amongst flowery dreams and nestle in your own creativity. You want to tell others what you have found, but they are so uptight and dreamless that they have lost what it really means.
don't be a fool, stay cool, cause that's all you.
And that sac being your boobs,
SO CAN I EAT YO WATTA MELLONS!?
im parched and need hydration from the lickity sweetness of the land of tits
or by god damn i'll throw a fit!
I'll whine and scream just like a child you wish you never had.
I'll throw my peas out the window and it will land on the newly fixed windshield,
broken by a previous bowl of mooshy fewd.
I'll run around and feed your cows, and yes i mean THOSE COWS.
The cows that are your tits, your beautiful utters that flomp around without support,
'less of course they are bit on the shy side and don't hang loose like a drunk senior citizen.
Then by all means show your mounds, the proud things you have found when you started
to develop hair under there.
Moving along pubic hair and such, what about the pimples some people never got, don't you wish you could
just flick yours off and onto their spotless face? A little splatter art with puss and blood for those who know all too well what happens when you pop a serious "biggie".
But it's cool, you grow older and understand it all. The birds and the bees become natural things like they always have been. You live amongst flowery dreams and nestle in your own creativity. You want to tell others what you have found, but they are so uptight and dreamless that they have lost what it really means.
don't be a fool, stay cool, cause that's all you.
bleeebedity dooo i have found a video for you!
yea, idk what that was either. It's what i do when my creative writing brain needs a break. TooodaLLOOOO.
-another lazy postttt by me. NJOY. :D
(audio is kinda crap, but like i said. LAZYY )
-another lazy postttt by me. NJOY. :D
(audio is kinda crap, but like i said. LAZYY )
1.25.2011
They have come BACK!
I HAD TO STOPEEEEE
cleaning my room became way to intense and i started having dancing seizures
which made putting my clothes back on my hangers utterly impossible!
I also love crepes! YOU SHOULD TOO.
because they are sooo lean, so thin, so floppy.
just like my ideal mate.
Then i'll ask this mate or if it's the first time, date. To pour delicious
oozy strawberry comPOTE all over her body. So i can eat her up in
tiny sections little by little.
Does this sound sexual? Cause it's not.
Anyway, breathing out kidney juice from your pores doesn't sound like
a nice way to die.
Yoyoyo i'm not responsible for anything you do with your kidneys.
All those drug infections from overdosing on bread.
silly kids, BREAD IS FOR THE DEAD.
ithink i'll make a cereal, made out of the unhappiness that people emit
so unhappiness equals poo
which trancends to food for trees.
WHICH MAKES TREES EVIL.
It's a good thing we cut down so many, i don't know what i'd do if they
started to overrun our peaceful civilizations and make forests!
WE'D BE SO FUCKED!
no more easy street to get your morning coffee cause there is a FUCKING
OAK TREE IN YOUR PATH! YOU LOSE!
and that's how the human civilization dies.
cleaning my room became way to intense and i started having dancing seizures
which made putting my clothes back on my hangers utterly impossible!
I also love crepes! YOU SHOULD TOO.
because they are sooo lean, so thin, so floppy.
just like my ideal mate.
Then i'll ask this mate or if it's the first time, date. To pour delicious
oozy strawberry comPOTE all over her body. So i can eat her up in
tiny sections little by little.
Does this sound sexual? Cause it's not.
Anyway, breathing out kidney juice from your pores doesn't sound like
a nice way to die.
Yoyoyo i'm not responsible for anything you do with your kidneys.
All those drug infections from overdosing on bread.
silly kids, BREAD IS FOR THE DEAD.
ithink i'll make a cereal, made out of the unhappiness that people emit
so unhappiness equals poo
which trancends to food for trees.
WHICH MAKES TREES EVIL.
It's a good thing we cut down so many, i don't know what i'd do if they
started to overrun our peaceful civilizations and make forests!
WE'D BE SO FUCKED!
no more easy street to get your morning coffee cause there is a FUCKING
OAK TREE IN YOUR PATH! YOU LOSE!
and that's how the human civilization dies.
1.24.2011
Squiggly man and his adventures.
Hmm, that sounds like another series. Maybe next time... :O
 |
| Sometimes The "Good Jam" is just to get the bad jams taste out of her mouth. |
1.23.2011
Dirty talks from the Bathroom!
Bloggidittydo my god look at my poo!
it's rock hard, its sought after, its constipation all into one!
it's like coal, just something you could really mole.
For the time being, lets pretend that poo is priceless, a chemical reaction
the result from cooking your food twice, once on the stove and then reheated
in your metaboloven.
It gives me the jitters, it gives me a breath of relaxation
cept when the potty is dirty and mean
for one too many times have i seen it so obscene
piss and paper line the seat.
How could my butt ever meet?
Do i stand legs spread apart ready to drop bombs?
Or do i hunch over ready to throb?
Bathroom jokes are always funny and odd.
Someone making noises next to you like an animal.
Are you afraid of them crawling underneath the stall?
Or are you just worried about laughing your lungs out and choking on the smell.
Poo well my folks. poooooo well.
it's rock hard, its sought after, its constipation all into one!
it's like coal, just something you could really mole.
For the time being, lets pretend that poo is priceless, a chemical reaction
the result from cooking your food twice, once on the stove and then reheated
in your metaboloven.
It gives me the jitters, it gives me a breath of relaxation
cept when the potty is dirty and mean
for one too many times have i seen it so obscene
piss and paper line the seat.
How could my butt ever meet?
Do i stand legs spread apart ready to drop bombs?
Or do i hunch over ready to throb?
Bathroom jokes are always funny and odd.
Someone making noises next to you like an animal.
Are you afraid of them crawling underneath the stall?
Or are you just worried about laughing your lungs out and choking on the smell.
Poo well my folks. poooooo well.
1.22.2011
Back again, it's time again. to find...again?
Now i don't know who actually cares, but for those of you who do.
I'm wearing a pair of socks on each foot.
For those who can manage to see me in person, inquire about mouth liquidating croissants that i bake from a microwave built out of my unused "3rd" drawer.
Once i get back into the swing of things ill do just that! SWING
and bring wonderful portraits of me swinging very INTENSELY.
Anyway, I wrote this on the car ride here. I used such a nice pen that i had a hard time drawing because my fingers were going into sporadic orgasms.
I'm wearing a pair of socks on each foot.
For those who can manage to see me in person, inquire about mouth liquidating croissants that i bake from a microwave built out of my unused "3rd" drawer.
Once i get back into the swing of things ill do just that! SWING
and bring wonderful portraits of me swinging very INTENSELY.
Anyway, I wrote this on the car ride here. I used such a nice pen that i had a hard time drawing because my fingers were going into sporadic orgasms.
 |
| Note: This is not reflecting the fact that i myself cannot grow symmetrical facial hair. CAUSE I CAN TOO!!!!! :( |
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