tootoo's like to play songs on my animal organs

WHAT THE EF?!

there is
an egg

FLOATING

in my soup!

cmon mother, you know i cant eat eggs.
they remind me of....torturous moments of when i decided
to experiment with boiled eggs.
and my.
my.
yoohoo.

i was puking for several weeks after several trips
to several doctors that all had
MOLES
on their armpits
and i don't know why you want me to talk about armpits
but
*SIGH*
i told you so.

and my my, why not take a gander at the sea floor
and eat all those yummy crabs that you will expell from your
earlobes in swarms of locus like crabs that will eat peoples finger nails off
that means you.
oh you know who you are.
you nail biter.

i like to bite thingstoo.

oh. la. la.

LIKE FOOD YOU TURNIP

hmm, that sounds like a nice name for my children
that i will never have because ill prolly be a hermit
who tries to thrive making hand made kites out of
pieces of my skin and loneliness.

i say. i go back to college.
in only a few days!
BE P\R]E[P/A1R2E3D4!

The time machine.

OH NO -HOOOO NO!
i got less then 10 minutes to post this before it's
THURSDAY!
i have already been inconsistent so far,
NOT COOL
must take large amounts of caffeine in my EYES.
rub leprechauns in all my opens sores, and if i don't have any.
MAKE SOME.

then calmly do my ritual dance around the toilette grasping a roll
of the the finest rice paper toliet paper encrusted with tiny gemstones
in the micro-weave fiber 1000 times denser than
the distance between the molecules in your fried eggs.

golly gee, mr, tawaneee, have you some more tea for me?
Erotic tea, tea that makes you libido crush itself into a very
very,
intense SUPERNOVA.
my god you will erupt with such a good feeling the blood in your body
will be pushed to all your extremities, and you will feel like your
dieing but AWESOME at the same time.

relax, you won't actually die if you have surgically installed 5 hearts
randomly in your body. Awwww YEA bitches.
I also installed a third arm, but sat on it too long by accident and now it's
just a floppy piece of cell membrane that blows around the wind like molted
snake skin.

Putting my daily routine aside. I have big plans awaiting, BIG ones, soon as it starts getting warm enough to feel my body. As my blood circulates through me like molasses making me a human heat-sink.

A word to the wise...
Blasphemy comes in strange colors.
the end.

WOOO FINISHED IN TIME!

Pool Party

Don't go poopoo in the poolpool.
'cmon, no-one wants a floating battleship composed of
shit and other toxic materials.
And if you happen to have very dense rockhard poop.
NO ONE WANTS TO STEP ON SUBMARINES,
especially if they are mutated and decide to replicate
by shooting out tiny torpedo turds.

That's a nono for pool etiquette.
You need big adventure balloon floaty things.
Where you play sudden death matches NAKED.
better be well acquainted with your sudden death opponent.
Otherwise sexual harassment calls will be sent,
and you will be sent to jail and end up shitting
a mixture of poo and pain.
And if you're a woman, you will come out of prison
with a hole so wide that it'd have to be inspected every month
for weird makeshift sex objects and shanks that may have been
lodged in the upper ridges of your vagina canal.

And by canal i mean the ones you can tug a barge along by mule,
filled with treasures and silks from the far east you nincompoop.

trading is a fascinating trade isn't it?
wordy words give words a bad name, like your face after you make out with a blender.
Install programs in 3 easy steps
- bang your head on the keyboard
- rip all articles of clothing off
- massage your power chords like a garden snake.

don't offend, be a friend.
:]

It's at your door. what will you do?

Happy travels.
A con artist is at your doorstep.
what do you do?
Well, ill tell you a little something something.
RUN AWayayyayy!
for he is pretending to be your father.
He may look like him, talk like him. Have the same scars he did.
But this is not the father you had.
This can't be the father that died long ago.

So the only reasonable conclusion is a con artist trying to get your MONEY.
Don't believe his lies when he tries to convince you.
don't believe his remarkably convincing back story of why he is still alive.

GO in your kitchen, pick up the meat cleaver and start banging pots to freak him out. Start pulling your hair out and ripping off pieces of your clothes. let your eyes BUG out and your saliva drool. jump on the counter and try to air hump the light fixtures on the ceiling. Lick the backs of the knives and slide them erotically over your left nipple. Throw everything out of the fridge and onto the floors and devour them with no hands. Look up at his horrified face and scratch your nose, then continue what you were doing. Hopefully he won't approach. And just back away soo slowly, then suddenly dart off back to his highly waxed BMW.

Advice from your crazy neighbor, never felt so good.