NEW POSTTT NEW POSTTT
buzz buzz buzz goes the copy machine.
wait. what's this?
it's copying nude pictures of yourself?
what. when were these taken?
and when were you playing with a grapefruit while naked?
you have to find out, you slam the door to your car and jet off
to spring awakening,
tho when you get there, it is rather cold.
that is because you're in fucking ALASKA.
great, so you turn around, run out of gas, and end up pushing the car
endlessly towards the next gas station,
you're parched so you buy a water.
too bad the water is filled with cigarette buts.
damn damn damn.
you don't have enough money for gas, so the owner lets you trade your car
for a full tank of gas.
but then you realize how stupid that was and ask for trade backs.
the owner shakes their head and says.
"no refunds"
balls to the wall, is what your feeling now.
someone has put you on a roller coaster and you don't question why your there.
but how on earth are you supposed to stand the daunting drop into an acidic pool
of dismembered limbs.
you blink once and all is gone.
all the trees, the sky, and the rest of the scenery is just blank.
then you have an sudden sporadic cough and starts to spew out color and
the building blocks to support life in this empty land.
and that's when your life started.
3.30.2011
3.22.2011
It has returned.
Coupons available if you ever have the urge to donate your hair for my life size wooly mammoth model.
-pubic hair accepted.
3.21.2011
A simple workout routine to gain the perfect body.
So, i've been working on this routine to maintain the perfect
hot sizzling body that reflects sun rays off JUST as good as those
oily body builders.
i rub a dozen egg whites all over my body,
roll around in copper dust,
feed my leftover portions to my pet manatee
do laps around the pacific ring of fire every morning.
Chew on wood, for fiber and healthy gum development.
Then i relax in a cooling tub of hot fudge to clean my pores
and revitalize my sexual feeling for chocolate.
After just 2 days, here are my results.
Pretty irresistible right? Just imagine me in your bed. oh i would ruff those sheets,
arf arf, like a dog licking the carpet.
like a swallow eagerly awaiting more fresh and plentiful.
Gatorade.
is that all that's in you?
my sextuplet truffle chocolate with Skippy peanut butter on top?
And now time for some current events:
hot sizzling body that reflects sun rays off JUST as good as those
oily body builders.
i rub a dozen egg whites all over my body,
roll around in copper dust,
feed my leftover portions to my pet manatee
do laps around the pacific ring of fire every morning.
Chew on wood, for fiber and healthy gum development.
Then i relax in a cooling tub of hot fudge to clean my pores
and revitalize my sexual feeling for chocolate.
After just 2 days, here are my results.
Pretty irresistible right? Just imagine me in your bed. oh i would ruff those sheets,
arf arf, like a dog licking the carpet.
like a swallow eagerly awaiting more fresh and plentiful.
Gatorade.
is that all that's in you?
my sextuplet truffle chocolate with Skippy peanut butter on top?
And now time for some current events:
3.19.2011
Words a plenty to feed the fat and hungry.
I mean, i haven't posted in a while because.
IT WAS SPRING BREAK AND I NEEDED A BREAK.
but now, im back, and i have a few tricks
and sticks
and a whoooole lotta bricks.
IM GUNNA BUILD A HOUSE.
and it will be especially for you,
my girl in the deep blue.
The fish that sings me to sleep,
and afterward you won't hear a peep.
mustard and cashews are the best combination,
mix and serve to the whole entire nation.
I'm a song write, a play write, a fantastic write.
but i can't do spells, or write anything that sells.
throw your bag over your shoulder feel its intensity sear through your skin.
it's because it is on fire, and you are a traveling fire salesmen,
born from the stone age, you brought fire to good people and made Johnny Appleseed look like a some broke dope, who ate one too many apple seeds and now his liver is in poor condition and he poops out fertilizer for trees.
Now his descendants own an apple orchard. Do not. buy their apples.
they have WORMSSSSS!!!!
it feels good to be back!
bon soir!
IT WAS SPRING BREAK AND I NEEDED A BREAK.
but now, im back, and i have a few tricks
and sticks
and a whoooole lotta bricks.
IM GUNNA BUILD A HOUSE.
and it will be especially for you,
my girl in the deep blue.
The fish that sings me to sleep,
and afterward you won't hear a peep.
mustard and cashews are the best combination,
mix and serve to the whole entire nation.
I'm a song write, a play write, a fantastic write.
but i can't do spells, or write anything that sells.
throw your bag over your shoulder feel its intensity sear through your skin.
it's because it is on fire, and you are a traveling fire salesmen,
born from the stone age, you brought fire to good people and made Johnny Appleseed look like a some broke dope, who ate one too many apple seeds and now his liver is in poor condition and he poops out fertilizer for trees.
Now his descendants own an apple orchard. Do not. buy their apples.
they have WORMSSSSS!!!!
it feels good to be back!
bon soir!
3.14.2011
Weightlessness
High above,
the voices of everyday life.
In the stratosphere where it is calm, neutral.
Besides the lack of oxygen it's peaceful, a place where you mind can lounge against
bubbly little clouds.
The sun shines brighter here.
Almost blinding, you need sunglasses, but you left them down on earth.
aw fuck. haha.
Go down with the wind rushing in your face and pockets of air forming in the insides of your cheeks.
Stop yourself momentary to catch your breath, which seems to be lost amongst the vast volume of air that is all around you.
Lower yourself down and search for those damn glasses.
but you search and search and there are not to be found.
what gives, has someone stolen your prized glasses?
Find them and cut their legs off!
it's pirate season, and they can work the peg legs so don't feel guilty.
keep those legs as a prize in a pickle jar, next to your dead gram gram's ashes.
Your little house of trinkets will soon be a museum wonderland!
where you can charge little ones to expel there imagination onto the floors like vomit!
But remember, take a break in the sky once and a while, where it is whisper quiet and storms can easily avoided.
Bum ba chaaa! drums. drums. drums.
or maybe a sexy sexy saxophone?
the voices of everyday life.
In the stratosphere where it is calm, neutral.
Besides the lack of oxygen it's peaceful, a place where you mind can lounge against
bubbly little clouds.
The sun shines brighter here.
Almost blinding, you need sunglasses, but you left them down on earth.
aw fuck. haha.
Go down with the wind rushing in your face and pockets of air forming in the insides of your cheeks.
Stop yourself momentary to catch your breath, which seems to be lost amongst the vast volume of air that is all around you.
Lower yourself down and search for those damn glasses.
but you search and search and there are not to be found.
what gives, has someone stolen your prized glasses?
Find them and cut their legs off!
it's pirate season, and they can work the peg legs so don't feel guilty.
keep those legs as a prize in a pickle jar, next to your dead gram gram's ashes.
Your little house of trinkets will soon be a museum wonderland!
where you can charge little ones to expel there imagination onto the floors like vomit!
But remember, take a break in the sky once and a while, where it is whisper quiet and storms can easily avoided.
Bum ba chaaa! drums. drums. drums.
or maybe a sexy sexy saxophone?
3.11.2011
1:06 am talks
hey hey hey,
we meet again in the bathroom,
you are smearing makeup all over the mirror.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!
that face in the mirror is not yours,
it's your evil twin.
And if you are not careful, it will jump out and fill
your body with naughty pleasures and fruit baskets.
Bread or wine.
Bread soaked in wine?
wine soaked in bread?
What the hell does this mean?
LET'S GET DRUNK OFF OF BREAD!
I'm sure it's more tasty than your carbonated cough syrup you like to call
4-locos.
Bridge that gap between the innocence of your thighs,
i don't wanna see your underwear soaked in wine.
DRUNK OFF OF UNDERWEAR!
now isn't that gross?
let's have a toast.
to meat and cheese, and everything you can please.
My furniture is attractive, sofuckingwhat.
i like my couch too much?
it's unconditional love.
My favorite. You lie, cheat, abuse and it's still always there for you!
is that offensive? That you grace your buttocks on the seats of other couches?
Furniture does not have feelings, they have soft wonder cushions crafted
by the aliens in our non-existent planet Pluto.
My my time has flown, i'll be older than i know it, and then my knees will just disintegrate into dust while i'm walking. ohhh that would be quite an eventful day.
Bring it on my wonder duck.
Bring. it. on.
we meet again in the bathroom,
you are smearing makeup all over the mirror.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!
that face in the mirror is not yours,
it's your evil twin.
And if you are not careful, it will jump out and fill
your body with naughty pleasures and fruit baskets.
Bread or wine.
Bread soaked in wine?
wine soaked in bread?
What the hell does this mean?
LET'S GET DRUNK OFF OF BREAD!
I'm sure it's more tasty than your carbonated cough syrup you like to call
4-locos.
Bridge that gap between the innocence of your thighs,
i don't wanna see your underwear soaked in wine.
DRUNK OFF OF UNDERWEAR!
now isn't that gross?
let's have a toast.
to meat and cheese, and everything you can please.
My furniture is attractive, sofuckingwhat.
i like my couch too much?
it's unconditional love.
My favorite. You lie, cheat, abuse and it's still always there for you!
is that offensive? That you grace your buttocks on the seats of other couches?
Furniture does not have feelings, they have soft wonder cushions crafted
by the aliens in our non-existent planet Pluto.
My my time has flown, i'll be older than i know it, and then my knees will just disintegrate into dust while i'm walking. ohhh that would be quite an eventful day.
Bring it on my wonder duck.
Bring. it. on.
3.08.2011
drug diet.
I have found it!
It's the drug of all drugs,
the one that makes you witty
and sly,
and makes everything look great under only one eye.
Your feet will scream orgasm! orgasm! each time you walk!
and even when you talk, your words will be carried out
on fluffy little clouds,
made of the evaporated happiness,
that is stored in your lungs.
Your kidneys will vibrate and stimulate your pee,
and you will moan and groan with exasperated please.
You will neither be cold nor hot,
but a mellow in between.
this drug will make you feel anything but mean.
However one should take caution with a lifestyle driven by mad happiness.
it can make you blind, and you'll spin off like a top
and in live in a world full of color and awe,
but that's not reality.
that's not all.
but go out and have a ball if you wish.
just don't forget to bring your favorite dish.
to the dinner party on Sunday.
It's the drug of all drugs,
the one that makes you witty
and sly,
and makes everything look great under only one eye.
Your feet will scream orgasm! orgasm! each time you walk!
and even when you talk, your words will be carried out
on fluffy little clouds,
made of the evaporated happiness,
that is stored in your lungs.
Your kidneys will vibrate and stimulate your pee,
and you will moan and groan with exasperated please.
You will neither be cold nor hot,
but a mellow in between.
this drug will make you feel anything but mean.
However one should take caution with a lifestyle driven by mad happiness.
it can make you blind, and you'll spin off like a top
and in live in a world full of color and awe,
but that's not reality.
that's not all.
but go out and have a ball if you wish.
just don't forget to bring your favorite dish.
to the dinner party on Sunday.
3.06.2011
sleep.
sitting there staring deeply at your last cigarette,
the way it withers and burns towards your finger tips
a depressing facade pulls down from overhead
as night falls and crawls between the posts of your bed
sucks into your ears where you dreams slither and weave
between the vast interconnectedness of every chemical
reaction being translated into thoughts, conversations, and imagery
one may stutter, another may trip, and the information highway
will suddenly collapse.
your motor skills will buckle under the lack of input
your body will do the minimum to stay alive,
just to conserve all that energy when you really want to go out
with a bang.
the way it withers and burns towards your finger tips
a depressing facade pulls down from overhead
as night falls and crawls between the posts of your bed
sucks into your ears where you dreams slither and weave
between the vast interconnectedness of every chemical
reaction being translated into thoughts, conversations, and imagery
one may stutter, another may trip, and the information highway
will suddenly collapse.
your motor skills will buckle under the lack of input
your body will do the minimum to stay alive,
just to conserve all that energy when you really want to go out
with a bang.
3.03.2011
Beef chicken noodle stew.
Go around the merry machine
once, twice
three times
and puke puke puke,
puke out creativity until it
splatters all over the canvas of your
goals in life,
flash colorful chunks of to do's
and acidic dribble of mistakes
all onto one page.
let it cure, dry and heave it over
to the printing press and make
SO MANY COPIES
so many that your eyes will spin 360 degrees and
flash an image of what your subconscious
is really feeling.
gather all the copies quick,
before they dissolve with
the heat sensitive ink.
Believe me, you don't want to waste
all this time, in making yourself,
who you really are.
good ole' word vomit
once, twice
three times
and puke puke puke,
puke out creativity until it
splatters all over the canvas of your
goals in life,
flash colorful chunks of to do's
and acidic dribble of mistakes
all onto one page.
let it cure, dry and heave it over
to the printing press and make
SO MANY COPIES
so many that your eyes will spin 360 degrees and
flash an image of what your subconscious
is really feeling.
gather all the copies quick,
before they dissolve with
the heat sensitive ink.
Believe me, you don't want to waste
all this time, in making yourself,
who you really are.
good ole' word vomit
3.02.2011
The time machine.
OH NO -HOOOO NO!
i got less then 10 minutes to post this before it's
THURSDAY!
i have already been inconsistent so far,
NOT COOL
must take large amounts of caffeine in my EYES.
rub leprechauns in all my opens sores, and if i don't have any.
MAKE SOME.
then calmly do my ritual dance around the toilette grasping a roll
of the the finest rice paper toliet paper encrusted with tiny gemstones
in the micro-weave fiber 1000 times denser than
the distance between the molecules in your fried eggs.
golly gee, mr, tawaneee, have you some more tea for me?
Erotic tea, tea that makes you libido crush itself into a very
very,
intense SUPERNOVA.
my god you will erupt with such a good feeling the blood in your body
will be pushed to all your extremities, and you will feel like your
dieing but AWESOME at the same time.
relax, you won't actually die if you have surgically installed 5 hearts
randomly in your body. Awwww YEA bitches.
I also installed a third arm, but sat on it too long by accident and now it's
just a floppy piece of cell membrane that blows around the wind like molted
snake skin.
Putting my daily routine aside. I have big plans awaiting, BIG ones, soon as it starts getting warm enough to feel my body. As my blood circulates through me like molasses making me a human heat-sink.
A word to the wise...
Blasphemy comes in strange colors.
the end.
WOOO FINISHED IN TIME!
i got less then 10 minutes to post this before it's
THURSDAY!
i have already been inconsistent so far,
NOT COOL
must take large amounts of caffeine in my EYES.
rub leprechauns in all my opens sores, and if i don't have any.
MAKE SOME.
then calmly do my ritual dance around the toilette grasping a roll
of the the finest rice paper toliet paper encrusted with tiny gemstones
in the micro-weave fiber 1000 times denser than
the distance between the molecules in your fried eggs.
golly gee, mr, tawaneee, have you some more tea for me?
Erotic tea, tea that makes you libido crush itself into a very
very,
intense SUPERNOVA.
my god you will erupt with such a good feeling the blood in your body
will be pushed to all your extremities, and you will feel like your
dieing but AWESOME at the same time.
relax, you won't actually die if you have surgically installed 5 hearts
randomly in your body. Awwww YEA bitches.
I also installed a third arm, but sat on it too long by accident and now it's
just a floppy piece of cell membrane that blows around the wind like molted
snake skin.
Putting my daily routine aside. I have big plans awaiting, BIG ones, soon as it starts getting warm enough to feel my body. As my blood circulates through me like molasses making me a human heat-sink.
A word to the wise...
Blasphemy comes in strange colors.
the end.
WOOO FINISHED IN TIME!
3.01.2011
Pool Party
Don't go poopoo in the poolpool.
'cmon, no-one wants a floating battleship composed of
shit and other toxic materials.
And if you happen to have very dense rockhard poop.
NO ONE WANTS TO STEP ON SUBMARINES,
especially if they are mutated and decide to replicate
by shooting out tiny torpedo turds.
That's a nono for pool etiquette.
You need big adventure balloon floaty things.
Where you play sudden death matches NAKED.
better be well acquainted with your sudden death opponent.
Otherwise sexual harassment calls will be sent,
and you will be sent to jail and end up shitting
a mixture of poo and pain.
And if you're a woman, you will come out of prison
with a hole so wide that it'd have to be inspected every month
for weird makeshift sex objects and shanks that may have been
lodged in the upper ridges of your vagina canal.
And by canal i mean the ones you can tug a barge along by mule,
filled with treasures and silks from the far east you nincompoop.
trading is a fascinating trade isn't it?
wordy words give words a bad name, like your face after you make out with a blender.
Install programs in 3 easy steps
- bang your head on the keyboard
- rip all articles of clothing off
- massage your power chords like a garden snake.
don't offend, be a friend.
:]
'cmon, no-one wants a floating battleship composed of
shit and other toxic materials.
And if you happen to have very dense rockhard poop.
NO ONE WANTS TO STEP ON SUBMARINES,
especially if they are mutated and decide to replicate
by shooting out tiny torpedo turds.
That's a nono for pool etiquette.
You need big adventure balloon floaty things.
Where you play sudden death matches NAKED.
better be well acquainted with your sudden death opponent.
Otherwise sexual harassment calls will be sent,
and you will be sent to jail and end up shitting
a mixture of poo and pain.
And if you're a woman, you will come out of prison
with a hole so wide that it'd have to be inspected every month
for weird makeshift sex objects and shanks that may have been
lodged in the upper ridges of your vagina canal.
And by canal i mean the ones you can tug a barge along by mule,
filled with treasures and silks from the far east you nincompoop.
trading is a fascinating trade isn't it?
wordy words give words a bad name, like your face after you make out with a blender.
Install programs in 3 easy steps
- bang your head on the keyboard
- rip all articles of clothing off
- massage your power chords like a garden snake.
don't offend, be a friend.
:]
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