I LIKE BIG BLUE HAMMER
i'm disproportionate and have an excessive amount of FAT
and it's all around the knees
which look like inner tubes.
I'm losing all my hair except for the fuzz on my ass.
My body odor smells like wet snails doused in gasoline
I have as many nipples as a short tailed opossum (yes i had to Google that shit)
my breath requires a whole bottle of Listerine every hour to stay bearable
My clothes are the same ones since the 5th grade
i chew on various forms of non edible substances for nutrition
i do yoga naked on top of hot blacktop in the summer
I take showers by rolling around on a few moist towels
my fingers are like chopsticks
my brain is melted watery doo doo
one of my knees bends the other way so i walk like a G (grandma).
my family tells me I'm related, but i have a high suspicion
I'm not.
Sometimes i like to smell my own underwear
And no, I'm not good at sex either.
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