Thinking about you.

you know...when your brain starts to seperate at the wrinkles?
Unfolding revealing some of your neurology.
And loosening the binds of the void.
The endless expansion of the minds container.

dot. dot. dot.

Why doesn't your brain become denser when you learn more, rather lighter as you grow older?

Are those thoughts being thrown out somewhere? compressed? condensed?
what would happen if you peel each layer of memory, thought, and emotion,
and lay them flat on a table?
would that be your all your life, sprawled out.
a record? a blue print?
and if someone stole that blue print, they could become you.
inject it into their mind. and become you.

and you will live on.

Pirates of the Caribbean 5

yeaaaa, im casting roles as we speak.  All old men must report to the interviews full frontal nude.
thank you come again!

The end of the world

so you guys really think the world will end?
how will it end?
will the earth shrivel into a raisin and just fall off of orbit?
how about the earth's crust is eaten by a big ugly vagina space monster
that makes the girl in "Teeth" look like a joke.
Or how about the ground turns to quicksand and we are all sucked into
the hot mantel of the earth and all burned in the hot tub of what appears to be.
hell?
shit only way to be saved is to invest in my new shoe.
the Pegasus shoe.
is that already coined?
FUCK.
well, vibrating insoles are on sale too and they are just as pleasurable
for those with an itch for a foot fetish.

Nono, the earth will be hit by a giant tennis racket and flung into the sun!
oh! we will be invaded by aliens and cowboys, and will be doomed to living in the old west forever.
i'd say that's be the end of the world.

or. we all. run out. of toilet. paper.

mmm, maybe. MAYBE.
Mars will be like. fuck you earth and decided to kamikaze us, because of all our irrational thinking and massive amounts of body odor that is emitted into space from our sweatshops and workout chambers.

onomnom a giant gorilla will drink our oceans up and then replace it with its piss, mutating all our whales into..

MAN EATING LAND WHALES.

well, however the world will end, whenever the world will end.
be sure to pack a second pair of underwear.
in case you shit yourself, because no one wants soiled underwear in their afterlife.

and now, a message from our sponsors.

we see you

And Here Are 50 Reasons Why The World Is Definitely Ending On Saturday

happy end of the world?

a video pick, to enlarge your inner sexual desires.

Every now and then, i come across a video that makes me
squirt liquids out my ass,
and that is when i buy new pants.
heery cheery
HERE YOU GO!



***disclaimer, please don't watch more than 30 sec. or your brain cells will decide to runaway and make a farm that grows perverted sex plants, cause you're a sick bastard***

I'm playing with your fonts, muhaw

man, to be honest
things have been a little slow.
real world sucks sometimes.
which is why i want to live on planet full of squishy organisms that make you happy in ways you would have never thought.
and why do we have such extensively over thinking brains?
i think we'd be a little more peaceful if we were all a little more simple minded.

well i blow my nose on you, achoo achoo
and you can lick my belly button too!
i mean also...
i mean, LICK MY FUCKING BELLY BUTTON OR YOU WILL
sufffer a lot of pain.
and i'm serious.
pain that is so tiny and sharp, and it will sit right ontop of your most sensative nerve.
yessss, that sexy little nerve that is as tiny as a microdot of lsd.
the one located on the tip of your (add sexual organ here)
yes this includes people with both, neither, or the occasional DIY expirements.

are italics sexy?
or you more into the rock hard bold.
either way you think. you will grow old 
and your vagina will wrinkle,
your penis will droop
your eyes will sag
and your tits will dangle
your hairs will grey
your balls will be in grocery bags
basically all your favorites or non favorites for those self conscious types.
will elope from your body
making you proportionally weak
YOU PICKLED PRUNE

and here is some of my artwork for the day! yayyy

 

mmm eroticism cakes

touch me touch me,
say that you'll touch me

yes.

touch me, erotically.
massage my elbows
and listen to my subsonic
moans

grace your eyebrow hairs against mine
and feel the eruption
of powerful enzymes battling it out
procuring a beautiful spark of
eyebrow love

man, i told you.
don't get all soft on me.

i'll have to whip you back in shape
with the extraneously long back hairs
woven into a cat-of-nine-tails.

torturous wounds are playful in my realm
breathing salt is a wonderful decongestant
and licking my eyeballs gives me powerful blindness
to what you really look like
in bed.

I'm hungry,
goodbye.

Gang green

Imagine a running shoe.
and when you place you foot inside it.
jello squishes between your toes.
and every crevice is filled with green jello.
It hardens and thickens and eventually your foot is stuck
you panic. you scream, but you have succumbed to the mean green
you decide to run for miles thinking the impacts of each step will
make it crumble.
but no, oh no.
IT GETS WORSE!
WORSE I TELL YA
the jello under goes a metamorphis from your toe sweat
it starts to crawl up your leg.
you try to shave it off, but i consumes you razor and evolves to
stage 3 gang green jello.
It is getting close to the crotchal region.
you have two options
cut your leg off.
or find out what the jello will do to your genitals.




use your imagination.young panda.


imagine your sausage and biscuits engrossed in this anamorphic jello
and jello and clams don't sound good together either
if you have to be peg leg Pete for the rest of your life.
i think it wouldn't be so bad.
u always have a Halloween costume.
it's fully customizable, with engravings, wood stains.
and you can opt for titanium.
and kick some doors down to people who pissed you off.
or if you just happen to get locked out one day.
THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS.
in fact i may just cut off my own legs.
sounds fun.

Oh man, oh shit, oh wow

we are watching you

Just had to do it. 

Dating profile for the young and hopeless

I LIKE BIG BLUE HAMMER
i'm disproportionate and have an excessive amount of FAT
and it's all around the knees
which look like inner tubes.
I'm losing all my hair except for the fuzz on my ass.
My body odor smells like wet snails doused in gasoline
I have as many nipples as a short tailed opossum (yes i had to Google that shit)
my breath requires a whole bottle of Listerine every hour to stay bearable
My clothes are the same ones since the 5th grade
i chew on various forms of non edible substances for nutrition
i do yoga naked on top of hot blacktop in the summer
I take showers by rolling around on a few moist towels
my fingers are like chopsticks
my brain is melted watery doo doo
one of my knees bends the other way so i walk like a G (grandma).
my family tells me I'm related, but i have a high suspicion
I'm not.
Sometimes i like to smell my own underwear
And no, I'm not good at sex either.

achoo achoo i see you!

fresh squeezed happiness at your doorstep!
it comes in a box, and the box is packaged with a
new organic packing method.
WORMS
yes your happiness is covered in icky stick gooey
WORMS
please refrain from plucking them off as they will bite fingers
and guess what?
THEY ARE ALL SOAKED IN LSD!
muhahaha you're infected, you got it. a 12 hour bug that will make u
bonkers.
but just hold that happiness tight and you're set.

so my friend indeed, don't spill the beans on the curdled milk
infested with sludge monsters and subtle disease.
wake up morning with a rooster in my throat
feel like my side has been plowed by a boat.
staring at the bottom a trash can, and my heads afloat
has anyone found my missing coat?

morning bliss.

blogger's delight

-take
-a
-step
-down
and feel my toes squibble squabble
FEEL THEM i say!
all sweaty and pink
swollen and crooked

you know what they say about big feet.
but what if only one foot's big,
and the other one just shy
of being the size of a 8 yr old cow.
i'd say you have a problem.
but don't you fear! Joe's Intergalactic Shoe Store
carries shoes from the far reaches of the cosmos!
some made of meteor, others of gas
star dust and minerals
from another planet alas!
space poop and sun flares
all combine to be-
wormholes, snakeholes, frogholes, and more!
just check out what's in my store!
are these shoes practical?
why certainly so!
just...pick the right size you know.

singy songy dancy pantsy
i'll rub my face in your hot soup,
and you will watch in awe, as the noodles
become absorbed through my skin
it burns and irritates
i may be blind for a short while
but who else can say!
they can eat soup from the pores on their face.

Morning Wood

So my brains a little tired,
it's wired.
i'm fired.
with passion deep within,
that runs my veins and arteries thin
with a lazy left lung,
it's hard to inhale
all the pollution of your sick naughty ideas
permeating through my walls and windows
telling me to stick my wee wee in places i shouldn't
like dryer fans and oblong seals.
so vanish my boredom rain,
and wash it down through the crust of the earth
and feel it bubble with excitement and glee
and erupt into a mighty volcano, for the top of the world
to see