journal entry #1

I need a new pair of legs and joints,
they are growing thin, and im only 20...
i'd recommend myself painkillers if i was a doctor.
and watch my bones wear themselves down,
like two angry people with broken arms trying to take swings at each other.

but alas, i don't have the power to be a doctor, too much everything will overwhelm my simple
little thought process, and then i'd feel like a top, or more so an upside down top made of cardboard
and the sticky parts of those sticky notes because there is no more scotch tape laying around in my arts and crafts box.

and my last arts and crafts box was so cool, but i stepped on it one day and my foot went through the plastic pieces and it broke like glass, but sounded like a dull thud of dropping your little plastic sippy cup on tiled floor of your kitchen.

And that's how i felt today.

language barriers.

Alright, there is no need to judge my use of can openers.

even if it is sexually oppressing.

i like starting wars in my pants
between witches and whos.
the whos being you!

And now a tall tall tale.

One day, i was waiting for the bus, and my hands were cold so i put them in my pockets.
But they were still cold so they started to turn purple, then blue, then azule!  which is blue in Spanish!
so now my hands became fluent in Spanish and were blurting out words that i could not comprehend.

The bus arrived and a little Spanish speaking boy with his nose pressed up on the glass spotted my ethnic hands.  Once i got on the bus he started chatting up a storm and my hands went left and right articulating these beautiful flowing words.  i decided to give the child a double high five.  But the shock of the impact must have been too strong, and knocked the Spanish right out of my hands.  They were now purple and limp again.

I cry...

.... (part 2)?

I feel like living

Is a term for breaking out

When you start to dissolve the particles

and one by one

each dust bite by dust bite

your spectrum of imagination widens

your thoughts are seen from more than a

180 degree point of view.

But 360

Each time you go around

720

1080…

You see more that you may have missed

more detail

more of the things that matter

and less of the cloudy clouds

that like to block

your awareness

with hazy thought.


mind fog..
its what we live to eradicate.
so we see clearly.
in to why we are.
and what we really want.

...

Sometimes it takes a while to drift off
into the afternoon sunset
of one last faded memory

snips of sound are carassed
by images of mothers holding
their newborn

like any creation it is special
unique, a chemical project

Can happiness be a chemical?
or is it something more...

Is your brain wired with tubes of tissue
or cells with their own specific identity
all working together 1 by one, to give you
thought.
and understanding.