Let's all do the hungry dance.
Ill fancy your french fry if you let me have some
tickles.
And don't worry where the salt may lie,For all i know it's buried in my sigh
The sigh that is so salty and dry
Like the sarcasm that hits you
with desert wind,
makes you dry too,
but dry isn't the only one, what about
a humid sweaty mouth,
full of spring showers that soak those around
oozing drool leaking out the creases of your lips.
Which would you rather make out with?
A slobbery fool or a dry spoken maniac
Imagine...
That dry tongue licking your mouth clean,
like sandpaper candy, or toothbrush bristles
filing away at the unseen.
Or the wet seal that wiggles around,
slitherling slowly like a slug,
leaving a trail between your teeth and gum.
Is there balance, something to find?
You search and search for the one of a kind
When you see it is there some kinda sign?
Or is it just chance, luck, coincidence?
I don't know, ask yourself. that.
1.30.2011
1.29.2011
You.
You know the time, when you can't decifier fact from, fact?
It's all just a blur, your mind concentrates on the empty space.
What's in that empty space?
Well, anything.
Anything that you can draw with those paintbrush receptors in your head.
A scene, a conflict, a song, a joke, a new scientific discovery.
It's all there you just have to make it.
Make it into something beautiful, something you can appreciate.
You are your hardest critic, so please yourself, and other reviews seem to matter far less.
Let go of any constraints you build yourself into. Being boxed in like animals
being massproduced to feed our hungry gut of laziness is not something we're meant to do.
Be wild.
Be strong.
Be, someone who you can recogonize and say,
yes, this is who I am.
It's all just a blur, your mind concentrates on the empty space.
What's in that empty space?
Well, anything.
Anything that you can draw with those paintbrush receptors in your head.
A scene, a conflict, a song, a joke, a new scientific discovery.
It's all there you just have to make it.
Make it into something beautiful, something you can appreciate.
You are your hardest critic, so please yourself, and other reviews seem to matter far less.
Let go of any constraints you build yourself into. Being boxed in like animals
being massproduced to feed our hungry gut of laziness is not something we're meant to do.
Be wild.
Be strong.
Be, someone who you can recogonize and say,
yes, this is who I am.
1.28.2011
Something smells fishy...
IT'S TOTALLY FRIDAY! WHY ARE YOU READING THIS?
go out have a ball! or two if you are a real man.
Now what governs your mind. Do you have your own little king, sitting on a tiny control tower telling
the rest of the assembly to do the fuck as he says?
Or do you like to contemplate things more, maybe have a president and a couple of houses try and bat around
decisions and solutions.
Maybe it's more free thinking, like the fellow anarchist that just wants to do whatever. --and the hell with what everyone else thinks cause it's THEIR mind.
Whichever the case, none of these governing mental bodies can brace themselves from the underwater pressure that squeezes your internals so you choke on the inner membranes of the cell walls of your lungs.
That is why we should all grow gills, a fantastic FANTASTIC idea.
We could lift weights so much more efficiently, impress even the most muscle craving sexplosion into your arms.
OH, shit yea, what else? YOU HAVE RAINBOW SCALES?
what? you can just rearrange them to your liking cause clothes cannot beat the beauty of being colorfully naked all the time.
Some people may call you princess, but with scales you can spell out princess and be the smelly snatch out of the bunch.
Never have a "dry" spell again! YOU ARE ALWAYS LUBERCATED BY OCEAN CURRENTS!
and you'll be exfoliated constantly by the the brush of tantalizing sea salt.
WHY THE FUCK DONT WE LIVE IN THE OCEAN?
go out have a ball! or two if you are a real man.
Now what governs your mind. Do you have your own little king, sitting on a tiny control tower telling
the rest of the assembly to do the fuck as he says?
Or do you like to contemplate things more, maybe have a president and a couple of houses try and bat around
decisions and solutions.
Maybe it's more free thinking, like the fellow anarchist that just wants to do whatever. --and the hell with what everyone else thinks cause it's THEIR mind.
Whichever the case, none of these governing mental bodies can brace themselves from the underwater pressure that squeezes your internals so you choke on the inner membranes of the cell walls of your lungs.
That is why we should all grow gills, a fantastic FANTASTIC idea.
We could lift weights so much more efficiently, impress even the most muscle craving sexplosion into your arms.
OH, shit yea, what else? YOU HAVE RAINBOW SCALES?
what? you can just rearrange them to your liking cause clothes cannot beat the beauty of being colorfully naked all the time.
Some people may call you princess, but with scales you can spell out princess and be the smelly snatch out of the bunch.
Never have a "dry" spell again! YOU ARE ALWAYS LUBERCATED BY OCEAN CURRENTS!
and you'll be exfoliated constantly by the the brush of tantalizing sea salt.
WHY THE FUCK DONT WE LIVE IN THE OCEAN?
1.27.2011
Excitement!
I also like strange erotic hats...IS THAT A PROBLEM?
:D
:D
 |
| I decided to censor what i originally drew so i gave her/whatever that is, a robe. |
The Elmers glue, a doorway to creativity.
sooooooo, anyway. how you are? what are you doing tonite?will that include a sac of watermellons?
And that sac being your boobs,
SO CAN I EAT YO WATTA MELLONS!?
im parched and need hydration from the lickity sweetness of the land of tits
or by god damn i'll throw a fit!
I'll whine and scream just like a child you wish you never had.
I'll throw my peas out the window and it will land on the newly fixed windshield,
broken by a previous bowl of mooshy fewd.
I'll run around and feed your cows, and yes i mean THOSE COWS.
The cows that are your tits, your beautiful utters that flomp around without support,
'less of course they are bit on the shy side and don't hang loose like a drunk senior citizen.
Then by all means show your mounds, the proud things you have found when you started
to develop hair under there.
Moving along pubic hair and such, what about the pimples some people never got, don't you wish you could
just flick yours off and onto their spotless face? A little splatter art with puss and blood for those who know all too well what happens when you pop a serious "biggie".
But it's cool, you grow older and understand it all. The birds and the bees become natural things like they always have been. You live amongst flowery dreams and nestle in your own creativity. You want to tell others what you have found, but they are so uptight and dreamless that they have lost what it really means.
don't be a fool, stay cool, cause that's all you.
And that sac being your boobs,
SO CAN I EAT YO WATTA MELLONS!?
im parched and need hydration from the lickity sweetness of the land of tits
or by god damn i'll throw a fit!
I'll whine and scream just like a child you wish you never had.
I'll throw my peas out the window and it will land on the newly fixed windshield,
broken by a previous bowl of mooshy fewd.
I'll run around and feed your cows, and yes i mean THOSE COWS.
The cows that are your tits, your beautiful utters that flomp around without support,
'less of course they are bit on the shy side and don't hang loose like a drunk senior citizen.
Then by all means show your mounds, the proud things you have found when you started
to develop hair under there.
Moving along pubic hair and such, what about the pimples some people never got, don't you wish you could
just flick yours off and onto their spotless face? A little splatter art with puss and blood for those who know all too well what happens when you pop a serious "biggie".
But it's cool, you grow older and understand it all. The birds and the bees become natural things like they always have been. You live amongst flowery dreams and nestle in your own creativity. You want to tell others what you have found, but they are so uptight and dreamless that they have lost what it really means.
don't be a fool, stay cool, cause that's all you.
bleeebedity dooo i have found a video for you!
yea, idk what that was either. It's what i do when my creative writing brain needs a break. TooodaLLOOOO.
-another lazy postttt by me. NJOY. :D
(audio is kinda crap, but like i said. LAZYY )
-another lazy postttt by me. NJOY. :D
(audio is kinda crap, but like i said. LAZYY )
1.25.2011
They have come BACK!
I HAD TO STOPEEEEE
cleaning my room became way to intense and i started having dancing seizures
which made putting my clothes back on my hangers utterly impossible!
I also love crepes! YOU SHOULD TOO.
because they are sooo lean, so thin, so floppy.
just like my ideal mate.
Then i'll ask this mate or if it's the first time, date. To pour delicious
oozy strawberry comPOTE all over her body. So i can eat her up in
tiny sections little by little.
Does this sound sexual? Cause it's not.
Anyway, breathing out kidney juice from your pores doesn't sound like
a nice way to die.
Yoyoyo i'm not responsible for anything you do with your kidneys.
All those drug infections from overdosing on bread.
silly kids, BREAD IS FOR THE DEAD.
ithink i'll make a cereal, made out of the unhappiness that people emit
so unhappiness equals poo
which trancends to food for trees.
WHICH MAKES TREES EVIL.
It's a good thing we cut down so many, i don't know what i'd do if they
started to overrun our peaceful civilizations and make forests!
WE'D BE SO FUCKED!
no more easy street to get your morning coffee cause there is a FUCKING
OAK TREE IN YOUR PATH! YOU LOSE!
and that's how the human civilization dies.
cleaning my room became way to intense and i started having dancing seizures
which made putting my clothes back on my hangers utterly impossible!
I also love crepes! YOU SHOULD TOO.
because they are sooo lean, so thin, so floppy.
just like my ideal mate.
Then i'll ask this mate or if it's the first time, date. To pour delicious
oozy strawberry comPOTE all over her body. So i can eat her up in
tiny sections little by little.
Does this sound sexual? Cause it's not.
Anyway, breathing out kidney juice from your pores doesn't sound like
a nice way to die.
Yoyoyo i'm not responsible for anything you do with your kidneys.
All those drug infections from overdosing on bread.
silly kids, BREAD IS FOR THE DEAD.
ithink i'll make a cereal, made out of the unhappiness that people emit
so unhappiness equals poo
which trancends to food for trees.
WHICH MAKES TREES EVIL.
It's a good thing we cut down so many, i don't know what i'd do if they
started to overrun our peaceful civilizations and make forests!
WE'D BE SO FUCKED!
no more easy street to get your morning coffee cause there is a FUCKING
OAK TREE IN YOUR PATH! YOU LOSE!
and that's how the human civilization dies.
1.24.2011
Squiggly man and his adventures.
Hmm, that sounds like another series. Maybe next time... :O
 |
| Sometimes The "Good Jam" is just to get the bad jams taste out of her mouth. |
1.23.2011
Dirty talks from the Bathroom!
Bloggidittydo my god look at my poo!
it's rock hard, its sought after, its constipation all into one!
it's like coal, just something you could really mole.
For the time being, lets pretend that poo is priceless, a chemical reaction
the result from cooking your food twice, once on the stove and then reheated
in your metaboloven.
It gives me the jitters, it gives me a breath of relaxation
cept when the potty is dirty and mean
for one too many times have i seen it so obscene
piss and paper line the seat.
How could my butt ever meet?
Do i stand legs spread apart ready to drop bombs?
Or do i hunch over ready to throb?
Bathroom jokes are always funny and odd.
Someone making noises next to you like an animal.
Are you afraid of them crawling underneath the stall?
Or are you just worried about laughing your lungs out and choking on the smell.
Poo well my folks. poooooo well.
it's rock hard, its sought after, its constipation all into one!
it's like coal, just something you could really mole.
For the time being, lets pretend that poo is priceless, a chemical reaction
the result from cooking your food twice, once on the stove and then reheated
in your metaboloven.
It gives me the jitters, it gives me a breath of relaxation
cept when the potty is dirty and mean
for one too many times have i seen it so obscene
piss and paper line the seat.
How could my butt ever meet?
Do i stand legs spread apart ready to drop bombs?
Or do i hunch over ready to throb?
Bathroom jokes are always funny and odd.
Someone making noises next to you like an animal.
Are you afraid of them crawling underneath the stall?
Or are you just worried about laughing your lungs out and choking on the smell.
Poo well my folks. poooooo well.
1.22.2011
Back again, it's time again. to find...again?
Now i don't know who actually cares, but for those of you who do.
I'm wearing a pair of socks on each foot.
For those who can manage to see me in person, inquire about mouth liquidating croissants that i bake from a microwave built out of my unused "3rd" drawer.
Once i get back into the swing of things ill do just that! SWING
and bring wonderful portraits of me swinging very INTENSELY.
Anyway, I wrote this on the car ride here. I used such a nice pen that i had a hard time drawing because my fingers were going into sporadic orgasms.
I'm wearing a pair of socks on each foot.
For those who can manage to see me in person, inquire about mouth liquidating croissants that i bake from a microwave built out of my unused "3rd" drawer.
Once i get back into the swing of things ill do just that! SWING
and bring wonderful portraits of me swinging very INTENSELY.
Anyway, I wrote this on the car ride here. I used such a nice pen that i had a hard time drawing because my fingers were going into sporadic orgasms.
 |
| Note: This is not reflecting the fact that i myself cannot grow symmetrical facial hair. CAUSE I CAN TOO!!!!! :( |
1.20.2011
Somethings wrong with my head...
-
My Obsession with cows:
My Obsession with cows:
 |
| Yes, he was so shocked he grew facial hair. Totally happens to me all the time. |
House of Dreams.
Remember when you were a child and you always wanted that home away from home?
To live amongst the tree people?
To bring that indoor outdoor carpet outside for once.
Remember when you got older and it started to get much smaller, stinky and waterlogged.
Remember when the roof flew off one windy day, hitting a squirrel and killing it?
Remember putting that squirrel on a stick and pretending it was a sword?
Remember that you have a paper due in 5 min and you shouldn't be remembering?
Day dreams,
Why? What? Of course, and but.
The avid day dreamer may look ditsy and oblivious.
But what goes on in that little cranial effort of theirs?
Are they undressing their teacher with their mind? One garment at a time?
Are they imagining their desk is the cockpit of a spaceship, ready to launch?
Is their brain convulsing, spitting out ideas of color and shrapnel of sounds?
Or is it just they did one too many drugs to keep a sane mind.
One too many brains to keep in line.
Multitasking? Or multiple issues.
Just sit tight, grab hold of something (real or not real) and take a ride somewhere, to the deepest reaches of your map-less mind.
Who knows what you will find?
To live amongst the tree people?
To bring that indoor outdoor carpet outside for once.
Remember when you got older and it started to get much smaller, stinky and waterlogged.
Remember when the roof flew off one windy day, hitting a squirrel and killing it?
Remember putting that squirrel on a stick and pretending it was a sword?
Remember that you have a paper due in 5 min and you shouldn't be remembering?
Day dreams,
Why? What? Of course, and but.
The avid day dreamer may look ditsy and oblivious.
But what goes on in that little cranial effort of theirs?
Are they undressing their teacher with their mind? One garment at a time?
Are they imagining their desk is the cockpit of a spaceship, ready to launch?
Is their brain convulsing, spitting out ideas of color and shrapnel of sounds?
Or is it just they did one too many drugs to keep a sane mind.
One too many brains to keep in line.
Multitasking? Or multiple issues.
Just sit tight, grab hold of something (real or not real) and take a ride somewhere, to the deepest reaches of your map-less mind.
Who knows what you will find?
1.19.2011
BREAKING IDEA
So while eating my king sized slice of pizza,
i thought of something.
Here you go :)
i thought of something.
Here you go :)
 |
| Salads are stronger than you may think. |
12:02 am talks
WHAT THE FUCK???
Is it true my sleep has gone so ass backwards, that it has corrected itself
and i'm actually TIRED right now?
Yes...yes...and yes...
Girls and Guys will both meet their demise.
The hungry omnisex will destroy both genders with its conflicting sexual ograns.
It will lash out its beast of a tail to the weakest of woman creating a soft sore between their legs. And it will eat out the ever multiplying cat-tails that haunt some peoples dreams.
Gross.
And nowww time forrrr, fairytaleadventurelandfulloffunandallthatothershit EXCURSION OF THE CENTURY.
Look left! now! and now back down! at your toes! they are gone! the Toe toe monster stole your toe toes. Now you are fucked! Go get them before you fall on your face! OH SHIT! too late! You fell on your face and are now eating elephant dung that was allowed to ferment and created a strong concoction of super concentrated shit. Now you're in deep shit. It's poisonous-- grab the antidote from the most hated person in your life. Wait a second! THATS YOU! stick your hand in your front pocket and don't get distracted by its close proximity to your nono zone. IT'S CALLED THAT FOR A REASON. Now place the vial up your rectum and pretend your taking a reverse shit. Inhale with your asshole and sit on your head if you have to!
You have now passed the test into adulthood. Now wasn't that more exciting then getting your drivers license? I think so. no... i know so.
And i know you.
:)
Is it true my sleep has gone so ass backwards, that it has corrected itself
and i'm actually TIRED right now?
Yes...yes...and yes...
~ <---eheh squiggle...
Girls and Guys will both meet their demise.
The hungry omnisex will destroy both genders with its conflicting sexual ograns.
It will lash out its beast of a tail to the weakest of woman creating a soft sore between their legs. And it will eat out the ever multiplying cat-tails that haunt some peoples dreams.
Gross.
And nowww time forrrr, fairytaleadventurelandfulloffunandallthatothershit EXCURSION OF THE CENTURY.
Look left! now! and now back down! at your toes! they are gone! the Toe toe monster stole your toe toes. Now you are fucked! Go get them before you fall on your face! OH SHIT! too late! You fell on your face and are now eating elephant dung that was allowed to ferment and created a strong concoction of super concentrated shit. Now you're in deep shit. It's poisonous-- grab the antidote from the most hated person in your life. Wait a second! THATS YOU! stick your hand in your front pocket and don't get distracted by its close proximity to your nono zone. IT'S CALLED THAT FOR A REASON. Now place the vial up your rectum and pretend your taking a reverse shit. Inhale with your asshole and sit on your head if you have to!
You have now passed the test into adulthood. Now wasn't that more exciting then getting your drivers license? I think so. no... i know so.
And i know you.
:)
1.18.2011
The mystery series.
 | |
|
You're fat.
You are fat.
What do you think about that?
We have to build cars bigger to haul your ass around.
Fit more food per cent you pay.
Make food come to you, so you don't have to come to it.
You are fat, give it up.
No exercise will make you lean,
For you will abandon it in time you'll see.
Desperation will overcome your life, as that haunting 3rd ass check
will make it seem.
Those jeans you want to wear again, will never see the light of day
and lay folded, tucked away.
You'll adapt, oh sure you will. When the pills and the practices all go to naught.
Along with everything you fought.
So sit back, lay down, take it easy, breathe out.
The television can bring all your information about.
Don't sweat, don't fret, there is always more.
Technology can bring everything to your door.
Can't score, don't worry there are others like you.
Sitting at home thinking about it too.
Do yourself a favor and log on the web,
get a new bed. You'll thank yourself in the end.
What do you think about that?
We have to build cars bigger to haul your ass around.
Fit more food per cent you pay.
Make food come to you, so you don't have to come to it.
You are fat, give it up.
No exercise will make you lean,
For you will abandon it in time you'll see.
Desperation will overcome your life, as that haunting 3rd ass check
will make it seem.
Those jeans you want to wear again, will never see the light of day
and lay folded, tucked away.
You'll adapt, oh sure you will. When the pills and the practices all go to naught.
Along with everything you fought.
So sit back, lay down, take it easy, breathe out.
The television can bring all your information about.
Don't sweat, don't fret, there is always more.
Technology can bring everything to your door.
Can't score, don't worry there are others like you.
Sitting at home thinking about it too.
Do yourself a favor and log on the web,
get a new bed. You'll thank yourself in the end.
 |
| Buy the UnbrelloStop now and save yourself from the impending rain of obesity. |
1.17.2011
My name is Brain.
For now, I'll leave you with one post while you eat a piece of white bread toast.
It's a task that only the strongest may endeavor.
FIRST
PUT TOAST IN MOUTH
SECOND
CHEW SLOWLY SO THE GRANULATED BITS OF BLACK CRUNCH LIKE DIRT
THIRD
SMILE AT THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU
FOURTH
EAT THEIR HAPPINESS WITH YOUR SUPER POROUS BREAD LEECHING ABILITY
like that? That's how intense breakfast should be. Guaranteed to wake up even the most lethargic of the Sleepies.
Sleepies are what control your sleep cycle. They are actually teeny tiny ants that read dragon tales and wear lipstick to battle the Wakies in your mind.
SIDE NOTE:
Wakies are the white fuzzies that fly off of dandelions. Just in brain form.
This battle turns over night and day respectively. Surrendering to one side leads to abnormal behavior. You need that natural balance of violence that lives deep down under one of those brain wrinkles.
Eventually they will adapt the use of neurons to create a cavalry but this just speeds up the process of your death.
Yes, this epic war will eventually lead to your death. When neither side is able to continue the expel a toxin that shuts off your parts of your brain until your body is an immobile hunk of meat.
Treat the Wakies and the Sleepies well and you will have the most important aspect of time under your control.
A good time.
It's a task that only the strongest may endeavor.
FIRST
PUT TOAST IN MOUTH
SECOND
CHEW SLOWLY SO THE GRANULATED BITS OF BLACK CRUNCH LIKE DIRT
THIRD
SMILE AT THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU
FOURTH
EAT THEIR HAPPINESS WITH YOUR SUPER POROUS BREAD LEECHING ABILITY
like that? That's how intense breakfast should be. Guaranteed to wake up even the most lethargic of the Sleepies.
Sleepies are what control your sleep cycle. They are actually teeny tiny ants that read dragon tales and wear lipstick to battle the Wakies in your mind.
SIDE NOTE:
Wakies are the white fuzzies that fly off of dandelions. Just in brain form.
This battle turns over night and day respectively. Surrendering to one side leads to abnormal behavior. You need that natural balance of violence that lives deep down under one of those brain wrinkles.
Eventually they will adapt the use of neurons to create a cavalry but this just speeds up the process of your death.
Yes, this epic war will eventually lead to your death. When neither side is able to continue the expel a toxin that shuts off your parts of your brain until your body is an immobile hunk of meat.
Treat the Wakies and the Sleepies well and you will have the most important aspect of time under your control.
A good time.
1.16.2011
Lazy day.
If it's possible, im taking a day off today from any exciting posts.
But! Tomorrow will bring a new sense of life into my soul.
And banish the strange melancholy that runs my brain at the moment.
i'll post...4 times!
Now everyone enjoy the fasting of the insane.
And be ready to feast tomorrow!
For we will be knighted sir, mrs, dr, WHATEVER title YOU want!
(FEEL FREE TO POST IN THE REQUEST SECTION)
:cough:
thank you. :)
oh! And also, the theme song for the site is actually taking a REALLY long time. It'll be worth it though. Sooooo worth it.
I feel like i should leave you something....
Here you go! ehehehe
But! Tomorrow will bring a new sense of life into my soul.
And banish the strange melancholy that runs my brain at the moment.
i'll post...4 times!
Now everyone enjoy the fasting of the insane.
And be ready to feast tomorrow!
For we will be knighted sir, mrs, dr, WHATEVER title YOU want!
(FEEL FREE TO POST IN THE REQUEST SECTION)
:cough:
thank you. :)
oh! And also, the theme song for the site is actually taking a REALLY long time. It'll be worth it though. Sooooo worth it.
I feel like i should leave you something....
Here you go! ehehehe
1.15.2011
songofnonsense
You wake up, and you see her.
laying there beneath him.
Yes it is your girlfriend with another guy.
Say stop.
how did this all happen,
you did everything right
and nothing wrong
You do some research.
say what.
that guy has a piercing.
oh my god it's on his dick
oh shit...
a Prince Charles on his dick
Do you think she gives it a little flick?
Prince Charles and his dance with Queen Lick.
You reminisced about the good old times
how you were the captain of crimes
and she was just an innocent shipwrecked girl
its not your fault you both love Depp
And because of how you slept
The morning sex wasn't so great.
Nor was the afternoon.
Or the evening.
But occasionally drunk sex was the bomb.
So why is she cheating on you?
You certainly have no clue.
Should you change something about your dick?
Maybe act more like a prick?
Learn a fancy trick?
Or lay there like a brick.
Pretend to be sick?
It's criminal, it's obscene.
Why is everyone so mean.
laying there beneath him.
Yes it is your girlfriend with another guy.
Say stop.
how did this all happen,
you did everything right
and nothing wrong
You do some research.
say what.
that guy has a piercing.
oh my god it's on his dick
oh shit...
a Prince Charles on his dick
Do you think she gives it a little flick?
Prince Charles and his dance with Queen Lick.
You reminisced about the good old times
how you were the captain of crimes
and she was just an innocent shipwrecked girl
its not your fault you both love Depp
And because of how you slept
The morning sex wasn't so great.
Nor was the afternoon.
Or the evening.
But occasionally drunk sex was the bomb.
So why is she cheating on you?
You certainly have no clue.
Should you change something about your dick?
Maybe act more like a prick?
Learn a fancy trick?
Or lay there like a brick.
Pretend to be sick?
It's criminal, it's obscene.
Why is everyone so mean.
1.14.2011
Diets.
THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH PICKLES IN YOUR DIET!
I don't care what anyone says. I'm stubborn.
Run around in circles double fisting a pair of pickles and you will see things in a new light.
This light will be pickle green. If you really enjoy this pickle green as much as i do then read further.
Pickles can be converted into energy efficient light bulbs, they radiate good vibes and sing you to sleep when unable to.
Pickle Green is the best color ever, other colors will be like...man i wish i was pickle green.
Pickles also double as a cleaning solvent when blended. It will take care of everything. From toughest of kitchen stains to the ugly birthmark on your forehead that kinddd of lookss liiiike... mutilated genitals.
Bored? put a pickle in one of your shoes and watch it grow into a clone of yourself!
(Disclaimer: they only have one leg though....)
IF you lick the pickles skin before eating it will change flavor. From sour pickle to loving pickle.
I'll make a dance
put you in a trance
make you drool
in your school
dream about
care about
only pickles
foreever! MUHAHAHA
best master plan ever, pickle invasion here we come!
I don't care what anyone says. I'm stubborn.
Run around in circles double fisting a pair of pickles and you will see things in a new light.
This light will be pickle green. If you really enjoy this pickle green as much as i do then read further.
Pickles can be converted into energy efficient light bulbs, they radiate good vibes and sing you to sleep when unable to.
Pickle Green is the best color ever, other colors will be like...man i wish i was pickle green.
Pickles also double as a cleaning solvent when blended. It will take care of everything. From toughest of kitchen stains to the ugly birthmark on your forehead that kinddd of lookss liiiike... mutilated genitals.
Bored? put a pickle in one of your shoes and watch it grow into a clone of yourself!
(Disclaimer: they only have one leg though....)
IF you lick the pickles skin before eating it will change flavor. From sour pickle to loving pickle.
I'll make a dance
put you in a trance
make you drool
in your school
dream about
care about
only pickles
foreever! MUHAHAHA
best master plan ever, pickle invasion here we come!
Comic of the day (NOW WITH COLOR!)
-
 |
| And i know, i know. I couldn't find orange so i settled on mango. |
1.12.2011
I'm one of the knights of the round table...so i'm legit.
There are Potato Monsters Having an Anti-Climatic War in my Soup.
WHOAAAAAA, THERE IT GOES THERE IT GOES DO YOU SEE IT?!
It’s cowboy juniper face!
Riding around all-over the place.
Soooo I’ve been spending the last few hours trying to break the code of this dishwasher.
My goal is to access the mother of all dishwashers.
…To find a dishwasher that cleans your dishes BEFORE they even get dirty.
So never fear!
I'll share this wealth!
So never fear!
I'll share this wealth!
And all your glasses will be crystal clear!
Blueberries are fun…if you know how to use them correctly. Secure the ripest most plump berries you can find, and attach them to your body in the following fashion.
1. Left nipple
2. Right nipple
3. Center of chin
4. Armpit left
5. Legpit right
6. Casually place some blueberriee puree in your belly button
(If you have an "outie" skip the last step to avoid terminal depression)
Now you have SUPER POWERS! ABLE TO FACE THE EXTREMIST OF TEMPERATURES OF THIS EARTH. (and be awesome at 4 square)
Now you have SUPER POWERS! ABLE TO FACE THE EXTREMIST OF TEMPERATURES OF THIS EARTH. (and be awesome at 4 square)
It is also a known fact that this arrangement of blueberries shifts your biological structure to make you attract even the most elusive people!
You will have the women/men/animal/object of your dreams LICKING YOUR BLUEBERRIES FOR EXTRANEOUS AMOUNTS OF TIME.
Huffle puff the train is coming to town, and nothing is stopping it.
Hope it doesn't crash...Good day!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'll be working on a theme song for the next couple of days. Sit back and await the auditory stimulation that will make your kneecaps like jingle bells!
-Joe
1.11.2011
A little old dream from the dream bank.
So, I start in an aquarium, running around mad like a child in...well an aquarium. I'm with a few people and one of them starts to press his face up against the glass in awe. I tally-ho on over there and find myself entranced by these weird mechanical looking sea caterpillars. They were wearing suits of armor with a limey glow at the seams. They swam around with a glowing organic prop as well. I could see why my friend looked like such a space cadet.
Things shifted a bit and i now I was in this expansive lobby with John Lennon and some scientists. They were showing how to decontaminate ourselves with their fancy machinery. They turn to me and aim the machine at my direction. Apparently the decontamination takes off your clothes so i found myself a bit naked.
Over on the other side of the room the rest of the "Beatles" were laughing and exchanging phrases that always ended in a short "yeh" instead of a period. Drifting off there was a pretty woman walking around smoking a cigarette. Apparently she was with all of us.
So anyway i finally decide to put on some clothes. While buttoning up my shirt find these little bits of paper stuck all over my body like i just covered myself in honey and jumped in a recycling bin. Cept i wasn't sticky... I try to pull a few off and they multiply. I start to frantically run while attempting to remove them all before they consume me. John Lennon just laughs and tells me to get in the car and the papers dissolve.
In the car I lean over and ask the woman for a smoke. She pauses then agrees. I woke up right after.
Seemed like a normal dream to me.
-Cheers
Things shifted a bit and i now I was in this expansive lobby with John Lennon and some scientists. They were showing how to decontaminate ourselves with their fancy machinery. They turn to me and aim the machine at my direction. Apparently the decontamination takes off your clothes so i found myself a bit naked.
Over on the other side of the room the rest of the "Beatles" were laughing and exchanging phrases that always ended in a short "yeh" instead of a period. Drifting off there was a pretty woman walking around smoking a cigarette. Apparently she was with all of us.
So anyway i finally decide to put on some clothes. While buttoning up my shirt find these little bits of paper stuck all over my body like i just covered myself in honey and jumped in a recycling bin. Cept i wasn't sticky... I try to pull a few off and they multiply. I start to frantically run while attempting to remove them all before they consume me. John Lennon just laughs and tells me to get in the car and the papers dissolve.
In the car I lean over and ask the woman for a smoke. She pauses then agrees. I woke up right after.
Seemed like a normal dream to me.
-Cheers
Foreseeing the future?
 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| It's a possibility. Having Shape Shifting Hats and constant delirium will catch on. You'll seee. |
For all of you people who don't know! There is a request section where i can take requests for just about anything, click the link somewhere northeast from here and it will explain the rest!
-Joe
Mmm. tasty.
Can you imagine?
That the sky and the moon
The birds and the trees
The tree tops and the roots
And the little homes in the underbrush we flock to
All gone in a second?
A flash
A yellow haze
Everything is melting, everything is burning
Cell walls burst
Blood vessels corrode
The brain is fried
Then blackness consumes
The dark prevails
But is there still consciousness in the dark?
Are there… feelings, sounds, waves, anything about?
Or were they all obliterated too?
You can only imagine, right?
1.10.2011
Man oh man...When was this written? I have no clue! But here is a story for you!
Late night, damn night, every way of doing night.
“In an elegant way, you elegant dick.”
This conversational poem is ratherly thick. Why is it thick you ask, don’t tell me you don’t know.
It’s the chocolate pudding, under your breast.
It’s the fact you are so young and cool.
But I only use you for your pool.
Why be so cruel.
I have decided as plainly you can see, that might and magic be difficult for me. Try my hardest you know it’s my best. Having a sip of that last cigarette.
Cooling your throat with that thick thick wine.
It is weird and oddly cruel.
And, everyone plays me for a fool.
Shame on you!
Sit on my stool.
Now put on a hat and say you’re the fool.
For if you don’t I shall not shudder,
Give’th you ask and takith’ you want!
That I be the greatest you will ever taunt!
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,……………../////////////l.,l.,mmm,l,mmm,l,.lll.,;ll.,l,mm,l,m,.l,mmnbbvvcxzzasaxsdwdscxdfdsefdsdsdseeeddewedsrtrtrfedsdsewsdfghjjuuhjuyyuyuiooioiuyuyoujihyuiuy mm,n xc cxcvbv ,m,b,mmnbn nbjhjkiulkhjhjhhghmnjhm,jkjhbvcfdrtrefdfgdssssssssdfghhtghyuyuiooilukjmbbnhhjkkijjkilkooikjhgsdghjhythgdfdfdfcccvbnnhgffvv cvdfghgbbdvcxz bvffgkknv54 546 97 5435 765 gf mmm nmn,mnjhytrdsaxcvb
That was me making music with my keyboard. The person sitting next to me must think i really like my school work. Props Mavis Beacon, props.
So now I’ll try to rewrite things,
Let the new notes dance with the old and wise.
They all wrap together, the old and the young.
Give breed to a new life, all full of fun.
I'm done.
1.09.2011
oodles of DOODLES
-
 |
| Don't let the happy ones deceive you... |
 |
| We all scream for steroid flavored ice cream |
 |
| Inspired by a friend, you know who you are. |
 |
| This is what really goes on in the dark |
 |
| I hope this is what the futures brings |
8:53 am talks
Well well we meet again, though in a very different inclosure.
This blog thing is interesting, yes.
It gives me a few tingles in my undercarriage
and smells of sweet tangy orange.
BRACE YOURSELVES FOR POPUPS
if you are ill prepared for this fight you will be subdued by the army of singles that live in your area. Pick up the nearest can of shaving cream and squirt your eyes, once you are completely blinded, pop ups will be super ineffective and you will be prized with that long awaited dinosaur looking bed frame. Guaranteed to make sleeping like the "Land Before Time", and your nightmares as friendly as your old pet gerbil, Fuzzy. (R.I.P. my friend....)
Alas, i digress. There is no way a pop up block can do all of that. sigh. What has this world come to? Why haven't moving walkways strayed from airports? So, i ask you. Why do you like to hang upside down and hold your spoon in between your toes as you eat yogurt? Is it more efficient? Probably not. Most likely it was a habit that you built up from watching too much Jungle Book. But no ones complaining. Just realize how difficult shoes will be in your life.
Careful observation my dear Watson. What you observe as a youngster greatly impacts your future, no? If you woke up and saw a large freckled ass attached to your ceiling everyday-- I'm sure there would be a significant impact on how socially convene with other people.
Unlikely scenarios with a Dad:
Dad, there is a plastic butt infront of the computer monitor.
Dad...why are we going to the store now? Because Dad has very dry skin and needs lots of lotion.
Dad, someone dropped frosting on the floor again.
Dad, why do you take such long shits?
Anyway, that got old quick. Yawn. TOE TOUCH TOE TOUCH. i'll touch your toe if you touch mine!
RAWRAWR "DON'T TOUCH THE SACRED ELEPHANTS TOES"
:"Why nooootttt"
|"Because they are dirty and filled with OOGLY WORMS THAT EAT YOUR DEAD SKIN CELLS"
:"Isn't that good?"
|"Hmm, you're right."
:"TOE TOUCH TOE TOUCH WE ARE GETTING FACIALS WOOHOOO!"
This blog thing is interesting, yes.
It gives me a few tingles in my undercarriage
and smells of sweet tangy orange.
BRACE YOURSELVES FOR POPUPS
if you are ill prepared for this fight you will be subdued by the army of singles that live in your area. Pick up the nearest can of shaving cream and squirt your eyes, once you are completely blinded, pop ups will be super ineffective and you will be prized with that long awaited dinosaur looking bed frame. Guaranteed to make sleeping like the "Land Before Time", and your nightmares as friendly as your old pet gerbil, Fuzzy. (R.I.P. my friend....)
Alas, i digress. There is no way a pop up block can do all of that. sigh. What has this world come to? Why haven't moving walkways strayed from airports? So, i ask you. Why do you like to hang upside down and hold your spoon in between your toes as you eat yogurt? Is it more efficient? Probably not. Most likely it was a habit that you built up from watching too much Jungle Book. But no ones complaining. Just realize how difficult shoes will be in your life.
Careful observation my dear Watson. What you observe as a youngster greatly impacts your future, no? If you woke up and saw a large freckled ass attached to your ceiling everyday-- I'm sure there would be a significant impact on how socially convene with other people.
Unlikely scenarios with a Dad:
Dad, there is a plastic butt infront of the computer monitor.
Dad...why are we going to the store now? Because Dad has very dry skin and needs lots of lotion.
Dad, someone dropped frosting on the floor again.
Dad, why do you take such long shits?
Anyway, that got old quick. Yawn. TOE TOUCH TOE TOUCH. i'll touch your toe if you touch mine!
RAWRAWR "DON'T TOUCH THE SACRED ELEPHANTS TOES"
:"Why nooootttt"
|"Because they are dirty and filled with OOGLY WORMS THAT EAT YOUR DEAD SKIN CELLS"
:"Isn't that good?"
|"Hmm, you're right."
:"TOE TOUCH TOE TOUCH WE ARE GETTING FACIALS WOOHOOO!"
3:59 am talks
"DON'T TRY TO TAME THE WILD BADGER IN YOUR BACKYARD", scream the first lines of text. Bellow, in much a much more casual font, it reads, "And by the way don't eat the canned peaches in the fridge, you're extremely allergic to the syrup." --Damn. I knew i shouldn't have faxed myself such an important thing. While waiting ever so patiently by the fax machine i grew famished and ate the peaches in my fridge. Luckily for me, i planned ahead of time and faxed my prescription slip for my medication...It should come....Any second now. The machine blips and yells, "ERROR YOU ARE OUT OF PAPER, YOU ARE FOOL". I'm out of paper? What on earth? Must be...oh right. I faxed my autobiography to myself early today. And i didn't even get to the part where i lose my virginity. *sigh* It was kind of anti climactic anyhow. The only thing i felt was the shocking realization that my penis was in a vagina. She was also kind of old...meh, I should find some paper and fax 911, my fingers are starting to look like slices of peach...
Proudly sponsored by the kill your fax machine before it kills you foundation.
Proudly sponsored by the kill your fax machine before it kills you foundation.
I say a what what, to the rocks shaped like rocks, and to the air smelling like elephant cheese
Oh please oh please, totally request live radio station.
Air me Air me! Shoot me into the Air!
I wanna ride on those poorly drawn squiggles kids would call radio waves!
Seep into your into your transistor radio
Get pulled and pinched, thrown and battered
Then i'll drip through the speaker mesh and ooze into the room space
Knock your diaphragm up and squeeze your lungs all bare.
Because i can move you.
Air me Air me! Shoot me into the Air!
I wanna ride on those poorly drawn squiggles kids would call radio waves!
Seep into your into your transistor radio
Get pulled and pinched, thrown and battered
Then i'll drip through the speaker mesh and ooze into the room space
Knock your diaphragm up and squeeze your lungs all bare.
Because i can move you.
My WTF dream of the week.
So I had an incredible dream about something called "Rising Day" which was a bunch of children being abducted and then undergoing some strange process. After so they were placed in HUGE pool equally spaced apart on their backs with people monitoring them. The only way i knew it was a dream was because i slid on my belly like a penguin on the side of the pool for thousands of feet without stopping. This is where i got to see all the kids spanned across like crops being planted in a field. Anyway, on rising day they will all float up to the sky. It was created by some philosophical extremist. I wandered around the facility, then stumbled into the FBI (or whatever the military personal they were) infiltrating the premises. I described where some of the newly abducted children were being held because i heard their screams for help as i walked by earlier. I got in an elevator at one point and one kid wanted to get off at floor 9 which was actually one of the dorms at my college. He was a strange one. Anyway i road it down to level 3 and got to a liquid nitrogen room and escaped through a hatch a worker kindly let me through. A worker outside of the hatch somehow tripped inside and died from the exposure. I was also nearly killed from the exposure and i could feel my leg numbing at the last few moments. I felt like i was in some epic feature film, and didn't cost me 11 bucks!
Booya~
Booya~
6:49 am talks (is it just me or are these getting later and later?)
Well ima open my mind a bit...yea....like that....oh oh....more please....
there we go.
Listen to you favorite music as you dance along the measures in harmony with the notes.
what kind of movement represents a note?
Whatever feels right.
Oh ya, this feeling, this internal rhythm, what is it controlled by? Why is it there?
Why do some people lack and others propel in the expression of figurative body movements.
Is it just one big advertisement for ones self? parading all around for everyone to see?
You can feel it too, the air between your fingers as you move them around. Casting swirls of motions, flicking off little pressures of air. The presence that overwhelms you when the music turns on. What is that? What does that arrangement of vibrations do to your mind?
Does it massage it in a way to activate certain sensors, some of those small minute neurons, responsible for the chain reaction of movement?
zippp...ruffle ruffle...thud.... i think ill close my mind up for now.
too much thinking, too little sleep.
there we go.
Listen to you favorite music as you dance along the measures in harmony with the notes.
what kind of movement represents a note?
Whatever feels right.
Oh ya, this feeling, this internal rhythm, what is it controlled by? Why is it there?
Why do some people lack and others propel in the expression of figurative body movements.
Is it just one big advertisement for ones self? parading all around for everyone to see?
You can feel it too, the air between your fingers as you move them around. Casting swirls of motions, flicking off little pressures of air. The presence that overwhelms you when the music turns on. What is that? What does that arrangement of vibrations do to your mind?
Does it massage it in a way to activate certain sensors, some of those small minute neurons, responsible for the chain reaction of movement?
zippp...ruffle ruffle...thud.... i think ill close my mind up for now.
too much thinking, too little sleep.
3:51 am talks
Lack of sleep,
the perfect aid for imagination!
guess what i'm imagining now?
me sleeping.
well anyway, i'd like to ask.
how are you?
and don't speak too fast.
because, im tired, and words bounce off me like opposite glue.
and opposite glue, is simple indeed.
apply thoroughly to the head.
and now rub your face into others words
as they will bounce off indifferent directions
but no one's words will ever reach you
and now your friends are going in different directions (all away from you)
guess its back to the drawing board.
What to be for Halloween?
good question, here's a better one.
what NOT to be on Halloween?
-a pile of sticks
-a female dog
-a misspelled skunk
-a donkey
-a piece of shit
-a dildo
-a pair of misshapen tits
-athletes foot
-a bro (for the love of god please, if anyone thinks of that, your creativity points drop bellow the line that allows you to ride roller coasters)
-as you can see they are getting less and less clever and more direct. im lazy, and OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT?
oh. haha. it's my hand.
the perfect aid for imagination!
guess what i'm imagining now?
me sleeping.
well anyway, i'd like to ask.
how are you?
and don't speak too fast.
because, im tired, and words bounce off me like opposite glue.
and opposite glue, is simple indeed.
apply thoroughly to the head.
and now rub your face into others words
as they will bounce off indifferent directions
but no one's words will ever reach you
and now your friends are going in different directions (all away from you)
guess its back to the drawing board.
What to be for Halloween?
good question, here's a better one.
what NOT to be on Halloween?
-a pile of sticks
-a female dog
-a misspelled skunk
-a donkey
-a piece of shit
-a dildo
-a pair of misshapen tits
-athletes foot
-a bro (for the love of god please, if anyone thinks of that, your creativity points drop bellow the line that allows you to ride roller coasters)
-as you can see they are getting less and less clever and more direct. im lazy, and OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT?
oh. haha. it's my hand.
1:02 am talks
Now i knew what i want to say.
convulsing ideas.
apples falling from the sky.
you know. the norm.
i always say it happens. but WHY does it happen exactly?
is it fate. is it luck. is it something completely and utterly ramdon?
im tired.
fuck technologies that make you lazier
and praise the items that make you more creative and thoughtful.
creativity is made for people who cannot be as creative.
One person's responsibility is to fufill the creativity void of others.
When someone can fufill many of those voids, they become recognized.
Famous even, for the talent and accomplishments they've done.
I wanna fill that void.
i wanna be that guy who gives things to people who cannot create such a thing on their own.
i'll go crazy then find a way to control that crazy.
controlled craziness is the best.
it gives you the energy and thought process of something supernatural,
and funnels it into something constructive. something useful.
anyone can have talents. but is it so self satisfying to keep buried within themselves?
chances are, their are other people that do not have your talents.
so. what i'm saying. go out, and advertise your talent. GO. now, or maybe prepare for a bit and come out with a bang.
because somewhere out there someone without that talent will appreciate it, or someone with a talent like yours will be inspired to come out.
so get out.
and have a blast.
the apple on my desk is bruised and ugly, but ill still eat it.
live.
(the apple metaphor has no deeper meaning, there is literally an apple on my desk that ive been staring at for quite sometime.)
enjoy yourself. please :)
convulsing ideas.
apples falling from the sky.
you know. the norm.
i always say it happens. but WHY does it happen exactly?
is it fate. is it luck. is it something completely and utterly ramdon?
im tired.
fuck technologies that make you lazier
and praise the items that make you more creative and thoughtful.
creativity is made for people who cannot be as creative.
One person's responsibility is to fufill the creativity void of others.
When someone can fufill many of those voids, they become recognized.
Famous even, for the talent and accomplishments they've done.
I wanna fill that void.
i wanna be that guy who gives things to people who cannot create such a thing on their own.
i'll go crazy then find a way to control that crazy.
controlled craziness is the best.
it gives you the energy and thought process of something supernatural,
and funnels it into something constructive. something useful.
anyone can have talents. but is it so self satisfying to keep buried within themselves?
chances are, their are other people that do not have your talents.
so. what i'm saying. go out, and advertise your talent. GO. now, or maybe prepare for a bit and come out with a bang.
because somewhere out there someone without that talent will appreciate it, or someone with a talent like yours will be inspired to come out.
so get out.
and have a blast.
the apple on my desk is bruised and ugly, but ill still eat it.
live.
(the apple metaphor has no deeper meaning, there is literally an apple on my desk that ive been staring at for quite sometime.)
enjoy yourself. please :)
601 am talks
It's 6 in the morning
everything is heavy.
ooooh sooo heavy.
i imagine myself diving into a pillow.
Not just in, but REALLY into a pillow.
Getting pulled between the microfiber gaps.
A vast network of threads, it almost appears to be a forest.
Yet...its very comforting.
very warm.
There are these little creatures called "cuddles"
that run up to you and massage you smooth
You feel so welcomed, so at home with these so cuddles.
But you tell them you have to go.
Cause oxygen is running low.
and you need to escape.
They tell you no no no no stay. staay.
You start to throw off the cuddles in hesistation.
They freak you out,
yet they are so warm and cozy.
Your brain is mashed between sides.
Then you grow tired, restless and weary.
Your Lungs become laxed, and no longer hesitate.
You say "what the hell" And become engulfed with richness, even more powerful than before.
You get lost in a good feeling, it sings you to sleep with its melody.
:yawn: and that's what i think about pillows.
ommnammmammsleepysleepymmm.
everything is heavy.
ooooh sooo heavy.
i imagine myself diving into a pillow.
Not just in, but REALLY into a pillow.
Getting pulled between the microfiber gaps.
A vast network of threads, it almost appears to be a forest.
Yet...its very comforting.
very warm.
There are these little creatures called "cuddles"
that run up to you and massage you smooth
You feel so welcomed, so at home with these so cuddles.
But you tell them you have to go.
Cause oxygen is running low.
and you need to escape.
They tell you no no no no stay. staay.
You start to throw off the cuddles in hesistation.
They freak you out,
yet they are so warm and cozy.
Your brain is mashed between sides.
Then you grow tired, restless and weary.
Your Lungs become laxed, and no longer hesitate.
You say "what the hell" And become engulfed with richness, even more powerful than before.
You get lost in a good feeling, it sings you to sleep with its melody.
:yawn: and that's what i think about pillows.
ommnammmammsleepysleepymmm.
12:45 am talks.
Just imagine if you were soooo tiny
ever so tiny.
That you fit inside a skittles bag.
And play with all the giant space shaped
giants.
THEN A GIANT HAND (THE HAND OF A DIVINE BEING)
will reach in and supernova one of those bitches.
:hopefully you are not on one of those "bitches":
otherwise it's osmosis jones all over again.
Doe a raeehaahh(how do you spell that. it makes no sense.) a female deer
You know snapple.
you know...
how it...feels...
Lets go tightropewalking tooogether
because it feels....nice....
You...knowww....how peeeople.
talk....slow?
wellfuckthatshit!!!
now, if you look on your left you will see a camel riding ANOTHER CAMEL. It's marvelous sight to see here in upsidedown land.
Which as you can see, feels quite...upside down! WAIT. LOOK AT YOUR SHOES PEOPLE THEY ARE ON YOUR HEAD.
AND NOW...and now. *ahem* (regain compusure) if you look on your right. IT'S A CARIBOUUUUU. HELLY YES.
~ Yours Truley,
Crazy tour guide Joe
ever so tiny.
That you fit inside a skittles bag.
And play with all the giant space shaped
giants.
THEN A GIANT HAND (THE HAND OF A DIVINE BEING)
will reach in and supernova one of those bitches.
:hopefully you are not on one of those "bitches":
otherwise it's osmosis jones all over again.
Doe a raeehaahh(how do you spell that. it makes no sense.) a female deer
You know snapple.
you know...
how it...feels...
Lets go tightropewalking tooogether
because it feels....nice....
You...knowww....how peeeople.
talk....slow?
wellfuckthatshit!!!
now, if you look on your left you will see a camel riding ANOTHER CAMEL. It's marvelous sight to see here in upsidedown land.
Which as you can see, feels quite...upside down! WAIT. LOOK AT YOUR SHOES PEOPLE THEY ARE ON YOUR HEAD.
AND NOW...and now. *ahem* (regain compusure) if you look on your right. IT'S A CARIBOUUUUU. HELLY YES.
~ Yours Truley,
Crazy tour guide Joe
2:22 am talks
RING A DING A LING A DING
its the special 2:22 am talk!
that's right all, step right on up to claim your prize!
except the prize is located on the other side of this large crevice about the size of...
WELLL... extremely large
what if there was a slot machine that always let you won?
except it shot out slices of ham at extreme speeds toward your face whenever you pulled the lever.
Now, you're thinking "man this "guy" is throwing a lotta "what ifs" is he some kinda "philosopher?"
and the answer is!
yes, i am. I currently charge 20$ for each philosophize.
appointments are currently being taken. Please bring speedos and 2 pounds of lube for each session.
that'll be all.
Lilly lingo likes to lick the leprosy off my back.
and by leprosy i mean the tiny endangered micro leopard colony that is living on my back, about a quarter of an inch south by south west of a very pronounced cyst that needs to be eradicated.
cyst popping sessions will also cost 20$.
please bring the appropiate tools.
(it would also help if you knew what you were doing).
today is a new day.
tomorrow is a new day.
well fuck. THEY ARE ALL NEW DAYS.
got me...
ok ok.
i gotta magic trick.
lift up your hand. and stare at the back of it.
now flip it and stare at the front of it.
NOW.
look at the back of your other hand. notice the thumb is on the SAME side.
cool huh?
~cheers
its the special 2:22 am talk!
that's right all, step right on up to claim your prize!
except the prize is located on the other side of this large crevice about the size of...
WELLL... extremely large
what if there was a slot machine that always let you won?
except it shot out slices of ham at extreme speeds toward your face whenever you pulled the lever.
Now, you're thinking "man this "guy" is throwing a lotta "what ifs" is he some kinda "philosopher?"
and the answer is!
yes, i am. I currently charge 20$ for each philosophize.
appointments are currently being taken. Please bring speedos and 2 pounds of lube for each session.
that'll be all.
Lilly lingo likes to lick the leprosy off my back.
and by leprosy i mean the tiny endangered micro leopard colony that is living on my back, about a quarter of an inch south by south west of a very pronounced cyst that needs to be eradicated.
cyst popping sessions will also cost 20$.
please bring the appropiate tools.
(it would also help if you knew what you were doing).
today is a new day.
tomorrow is a new day.
well fuck. THEY ARE ALL NEW DAYS.
got me...
ok ok.
i gotta magic trick.
lift up your hand. and stare at the back of it.
now flip it and stare at the front of it.
NOW.
look at the back of your other hand. notice the thumb is on the SAME side.
cool huh?
~cheers
1:05 am talks
lets talk about
f r e s h!
all the hotties and all uglies
he he he!
So one day, i was walking in the zoo. and by golly gee i find a zebrahee.
I pat its head and turn it about. No it did not know what i was talking about.
(i was actually asking for some tea)
however it did not produce such a tea. I cannot describe my extreme disappointment for the zebrahee's.
They also need a new color palette. let's say, green and blue?
or purple and sky!
is sky a color?
frick frack plip plop shitter shatter glee glum gooo
is what my poo sounds like throughout the toliet experience.
speaking of colors again, if men were to be a color what would they be?
and same goes for women?
and no, you cannot use the bathrooms/your baby clothes to determine this so!
so what would it be?
AND WHAT IF YOU WERE COMPLETELY COLORBLIND.
would that factor a difference?
sparkles rainbows glittery doo, ingest all this and you may just go a little...mad.
and as long as you're not sad, and just mad.
then you can move over just a tad.
and let the loser kid scoot on next to you.
for even if he smells like poo.
you look at him and ask "are you also mad!"
and with a sneer and a grin "just a tad"
with that all said. i bid thee farewell
for this is not a story i should tell.
f r e s h!
all the hotties and all uglies
he he he!
So one day, i was walking in the zoo. and by golly gee i find a zebrahee.
I pat its head and turn it about. No it did not know what i was talking about.
(i was actually asking for some tea)
however it did not produce such a tea. I cannot describe my extreme disappointment for the zebrahee's.
They also need a new color palette. let's say, green and blue?
or purple and sky!
is sky a color?
frick frack plip plop shitter shatter glee glum gooo
is what my poo sounds like throughout the toliet experience.
speaking of colors again, if men were to be a color what would they be?
and same goes for women?
and no, you cannot use the bathrooms/your baby clothes to determine this so!
so what would it be?
AND WHAT IF YOU WERE COMPLETELY COLORBLIND.
would that factor a difference?
sparkles rainbows glittery doo, ingest all this and you may just go a little...mad.
and as long as you're not sad, and just mad.
then you can move over just a tad.
and let the loser kid scoot on next to you.
for even if he smells like poo.
you look at him and ask "are you also mad!"
and with a sneer and a grin "just a tad"
with that all said. i bid thee farewell
for this is not a story i should tell.
2:23 am talks
aOnce again, i have met the same fate as before.
This time however, i have really lost all my marbles. So i set out to look for them.
-the purple one was under a rug
-the green one was in a cave to the west
-silver one was stuck on the moon in possession of some naked man doing his habitual dance
-red one was in my hand the whole time
-blue one was in the ear of an elephant
-yellow one tried to kill me, so i ignored it...
-orange one sent me postcards from San Francisco. I let it have 2 extra days before retrieval. He's not getting paid anytime soon.
Oh, and the yellow and blue one used to date.
Green was is coincidently their long lost son.
Chances ill have dreams of marbles tonight?
Highly likely.
This time however, i have really lost all my marbles. So i set out to look for them.
-the purple one was under a rug
-the green one was in a cave to the west
-silver one was stuck on the moon in possession of some naked man doing his habitual dance
-red one was in my hand the whole time
-blue one was in the ear of an elephant
-yellow one tried to kill me, so i ignored it...
-orange one sent me postcards from San Francisco. I let it have 2 extra days before retrieval. He's not getting paid anytime soon.
Oh, and the yellow and blue one used to date.
Green was is coincidently their long lost son.
Chances ill have dreams of marbles tonight?
Highly likely.
1:44 am talks
Heyy all
Joe Baker here broadcasting from his very own bed!
the past few nights i have not been able to sleep. (if anyone even cares)
So on to tonights adventure shall we?
First we will begin on a desert island, surrounded by raging seas. You've been stuck there for lets say, 5 years in some slumber. No human life has been able to find you, but your body stays nutrified.
Nutrified? Yes NUTRIEFIED. A term the monkees inhabiting the island like to call an iv drip fashioned from various tree fruit.
Well, now you awake, and you lurch forward making your stiff body breathe new life. There are monkee docotors surrounding you. They all "ooo" and "ahhh" respectively at the marvel that has occurred right before their eyes.
You attempt to speak, but the one wearing a surgeon's mask crams a banana in your mouth, and the group picks you up THEN flees you through a complicated network of leaves, branches, and the occasional poo!
But don't worry. they don't seem to have a killer intent. Do they?
Damn you're probably wondering what plan could they be cooking up in their heads, right?
Well me too.
haha.
Pointless but straight to the point.
Figure out the rest in your imagination.
-Joe Baker
Joe Baker here broadcasting from his very own bed!
the past few nights i have not been able to sleep. (if anyone even cares)
So on to tonights adventure shall we?
First we will begin on a desert island, surrounded by raging seas. You've been stuck there for lets say, 5 years in some slumber. No human life has been able to find you, but your body stays nutrified.
Nutrified? Yes NUTRIEFIED. A term the monkees inhabiting the island like to call an iv drip fashioned from various tree fruit.
Well, now you awake, and you lurch forward making your stiff body breathe new life. There are monkee docotors surrounding you. They all "ooo" and "ahhh" respectively at the marvel that has occurred right before their eyes.
You attempt to speak, but the one wearing a surgeon's mask crams a banana in your mouth, and the group picks you up THEN flees you through a complicated network of leaves, branches, and the occasional poo!
But don't worry. they don't seem to have a killer intent. Do they?
Damn you're probably wondering what plan could they be cooking up in their heads, right?
Well me too.
haha.
Pointless but straight to the point.
Figure out the rest in your imagination.
-Joe Baker
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)