You're the best! (helping you cope with your insecurities since '91)

oh what a terrible conundrum
my eyes are bloodshot and strained from staring at this computer screen
huddled around it like its my nightlight because im afraid of real people.
i'll sit and watch the stars go by on my screensaver
no need to date,
there are plenty of chat rooms available
maybe throw out an ad or two if your dominant hand gets tired.
the only thing i have yet to find, is a way to make food with a computer.  By far, a microwave/notebook computer would be the wave of the future.
long live the anti social obesity program for the future.
hail the tyranny of technology that turns your soul into yes or no questions placed in an algorithm
where carpal tunnel will rule alongside your bedsores that collect all the apathetic flesh as it drips off your bones
and when it's sunny out let the UV radiation make your skin boil and your eyes burn like you are staring into the epicenter of an atom bomb.

Oh you cold plastic square, you are the drive to my world. my one true friend. a fighter, a lover.
a slave to me as i am a slave to you.

so who wants to go streaking?
peace.

 i'll put something here.

-joe

My weekly newsletter

I've been taking naps like it is my job.

 Why is school so physically excreting when all i do is sit and doodle in my classes...?

--I dislike the vibes my math teacher is giving me, yet it is the first math class i've taken for years....so some bias is going to build up against venn diagrams and how this one rectangle is suppose to contain everything else in the universe.  While sitting through lecture i conjured up a pretty detailed version for my own life.

But it's cool, ill stick with it because im required to as a writing major.

I've also been attempting to record the same song over and over but cannot get the vocals to record the way i want them too.  I need a music tech because as some of you may know, my home studio is nothing but a laptop, microphone, and preamp with tangled wires all connecting them to their respective ports.  It is actually the only thing that is unpacked in my room, as i have yet to find a viable laundry situation my clothes are slowly consuming the back right corner of my room.

Nonetheless, I'm typing this as i wait for my horribly planned late afternoon class.  To little time to go home, and too much time to do anything i really want to do.

Oh, if you guys have been watching Breaking Bad, you all know what just happened.  Yes, a year long cliff hanger is just what i needed.  I watched it to relive stress, and now it gives me stress until summer of 2013?  C'mon television...c'mon.

Now that i'm back in Ithaca i'm greeted with friendly overcast all day and flashes and fluctuating temperatures between "time to put my long sleeve shirt back on --wait...i'm sweating, time to take it off.  Is that a rain drop i felt?"  Ahh this is the weather i am used to.

I can safely assume September will be a very interesting developmental point of my life.  I will have to conquer constant drowsiness with artificial happiness, such as caffeine and tobacco tubes.  In which i must note, costs money.

Speaking of money, i get many compliments on my credit card!  It looks like a tape cassette, and is a major conversation starter with cashiers of that era.

So there you have it,
a weakly report by yours truely
joe

Writers Apocolypse Day 3

Day 3

The secretary was back again today, Bossman put her into the frontlines as soon as she arrived in the building.  So I had nothing to do today, I just had to write something.  Something…I typed in the letter “A” on the screen.  I strained my eyes and tried to think of words to follow.  But the cursor just blinked beside the “A”, making it look like Al.  Awesome.  I ran my finger tips across the keyboard back and forth, creating the illusion that I was actually typing really fast.  I did this for a good minute, and got bored again.

Then I decided to drop in next door to see what Zareen was up to, since my eyes started to turn to saltines.

“What’s up Zareen!”

She was a little startled and typed in “opasdfjo[” onto her blank document.

“He-ey Spencer.”  She said.

“I see you have done quite a lot there.”  I cracked.

“I decided to trash my old story, it wasn’t too good.”

“I see…”

There was an awkward silence.  We just looked at each other, then our eyes danced around the room.  Fluorescent light, pen, stapler, perforated ceiling tiles, there is chopsticks holding together Zareens hair.  Ohh,  that’s cute.  Which gave me the sudden impulse to ask.

“Do you like Chinese food?”

“No, Im allergic…”

“Oh im so sorry.”  I felt bad, and tried to look empathetic.

“Just kidding” Zareen smiled.  “I love it”.

These people and their dry sarcasm… fools me every time.

“Oh that’s good.”

Stupidity ran across my face like a flashing SOS beacon.   I felt like a dumb brick, a really dumb brick that was dropped many times before it was put into a buildings foundation that recently tumbled because of a lack of structural integrity.

“I don’t mean to interrupt your trance, but do you want to go out for some later, possibly, maybe?”

“Yea, sure!  I mean, but we’re so busy.”  I said.

“She motioned her eyes towards her monitor and said, “I think we could manage.”

I gave her a nervous smile and a nod, and quickly returned to my fortress of solitude, which was only an inch thick barrier between us.  I felt funny, I think the coffee was especially atrocious today.  I will need to have a talk with Stacy.

Writer's Apocolypse Day 2

Day 2

The bossman issued me to make some copies today.  His personal secretary was out today and I could see why.  He abuses the hell out of that woman, I try to imagine her sitting down, but I couldn’t.  I don’t think any part of her perfectly round tookis has ever made contact with the soft black leather of her own chair.  Poor woman.  But I don’t get why I have to make copies instead of Stacy, who just makes that brown muck all day.

I arrived at the door of the copy room and spot a pair dangerously close.  As soon as they sensed my presence they quickly collapsed their hands by their thighs.  My mind didn’t wander as much when I saw the slick black hair of grease lighting.  It was just Jake, a guy who dresses “in style” or so he says.  With the lovely Stacy.  Who, might I mention again, brews poison.

 I spotted a tiny slip of paper peeking through the crevice made in between the man’s index and middle finger.

“What you two up to?” I asked.

“Oh, just chit chat” Jake responded.

“Ahh, hello Stacy.” I said as I turned my back to Jakes greasy stare.

“Hello, Spence”

“I’ll be out of your business in a minute, just making some copies.”

The two shifted a little farther thinking that was enough to be out of earshot.

They were indeed a sad pair.  The Copier warmed up and sounded like the roar of an aircraft turbine winding up.

 Jake never has ideas, ever.  He gets them from Stacy, and I think everyone knows that except our lovely boss.  Who cannot tell how flaming all his topics are.  “The life and troubles of an abandoned puppy” or “A teens guide to College” in the point of view of a drama queen girl may I add.  Then it again, maybe his horrendous tie-dye weave tie is the culprit.  I think that tie controls his brain, it would make sense.  I fed paper by paper in and yawned. 

writer's apoclypse Day 1

 Writer’s apocalypse

                                                                                                                        Joe Baker!

Day 1

I slammed my head leaving a defecating print on the stack of unwritten sheets.  Then I started to roll my face in a wax on wax off motion all over my desk. I groaned loudly.

A pair of eyes neatly framed by thin black glossy rims appeared from the horizon created by my office cubicles artificial hedge.

“What’s wrong Spencer?”

“Writer’s block Zareen”

“Shame, I’m already on my second page!”

“Really?”

She paused for a moment, and subtly sank down out of view.

While I continued in my agony, drawing nothing but blanks, suffering from the quotas deathly embrace.   Stacy breezed by and an intertwined mix of espresso and a trace of flower spice that tingles your nose made me lean back in my chair in relaxation.

Too bad I fell.

Stacy turned around and knelt over me holding the glass jar. 

“Are you ok?”

I didn’t respond right away, my eyes were wandering along her fantastically low cut shirt. 

“…Are you ok?” Stacy said with less concern in her voice and a crooked brow.

“Yea, I-I’m fine thanks.”

I tried hiding the shit eating grin in the back of my head until she walked back off to do her own business. 

“Sweet.”

I tilted my chin up and saw Zareen again, looking down at my pathetic self.

“On page 3 I’m guessin’?”

She quickly receded again and I continued grinning.

(this series will be continued!!! Keep checking for updates!!!)

Affection

The many sides of affection:

The kiss.

There is a kiss for everything.

the first kiss
a kiss from a family member
a kiss from a friend
a kiss on the lips
a kiss on the cheek
a reassuring kiss
a confident kiss
a nervous kiss
a drunk kiss
the best kiss
the goodbye kiss
the i love you kiss
and the i think i love you kiss
i'm lying to you kiss
the spicy kiss
the stinky kiss
and the piercing kiss
the kiss  of the inexperienced
the kiss of the horny
the kiss with too much tongue
the kiss with too much teeth
the everywhere but the lips kiss
the kiss to something inanimate
the kiss you receive by surprise
the kiss that says you look good today
the kiss that wants to hang around
the kiss that brings you closer
or makes you second guess the action
the kiss that travels from up to down
the kiss that says it all.

PAINT DANCE VIDEO

Hakone

The country side of Japan is disgustingly beautiful.
The air wasn't stuffy like it is here in tokyo during the summer.
It was crisp and fresh.  The temperature was all too perfect, and the mist hanging
around the tops of mountains painted in green produced one feeling.

calm.

I tried an onsen for the first time while i was here and loved it.  Laying my head back to see the heat becoming wicked off from the night time breeze, and the stars shining down setting up a pathway for my imagination to float off too.

Yukatas are a wonderful invention, it is a traditional Japanese garment that is similar to a kimono but used for summer.  Very easy to go to the bathroom in, and feels great on the body after the warmth of the outdoor bath shrouded by smooth rocks and so much green.

All i saw was green this weekend.  Green and happy high school girls that may have confessed their love to me a few times. I would hear "Joseph-kun" called from the other side of hallways.  I felt like a celebrity. But ego aside.  The atmosphere, the energy of working with the students, the baths, all came together to make me love japan so much more.

If i have anything to recommend, it is to go see what else Japan has to offer besides the highly marketed and overpriced lifestyle of Tokyo.

Sometimes you just need a break from stress, anxiety, and to slow things down and coast along the lakeside encased in natures wonders.

Sadly, my tour has ended with me coming back to a hot and stuffy tokyo, where i sweated more in the 10 min i was in the train station, than when i was hiking up the mountains with a bunch of energetic students.

But i'll come back to nature, the smell and the visual stimulus has captured the idea of comfort, and i will return to it in my dreams, and someday. in person.

Age

I met a writer the other day,  he's a novelist.  He is getting published.  We talked a lot, because....i think i'm a writer too?  Least that's what my college says.

I met another musician the other day.  He pushed me to get on the mic that night.  He was crazy, wasn't scared at all to stand infront of a crowd that gave him a few looks and he inspired me like every musician i meet.

you know what?

I've met a lot of older people in the past few weeks.

I question why it is seemingly impossible to find people my age unless they are from my school. 
But I don't mind.
Because one friend told me.  "I forget you are so young, when i hang out with you, i think we are the same age"
 

I respect that.  And even though i am way younger than all these people.  They treat me like an adult.  They respect me, and i feel accepted.  I can joke and talk about things as if the age was thrown out the window.  Knowledge is collective... so they do have more in certain areas.  But i've seen a lot.  Done a lot.  You just have to think that people can always relate to each other.  We are all human.  We are all living in the same time period.  We exprience the same things.

So when you meet someone, don't be afraid of how old they are.
And don't let them treat you like their child, unless you want another parent.
Meet people,  everyone has an interesting story.  Everyone has feelings that you can probably relate to.

 And because of all this.  I don't give a shit how old anyone is.  Because of the respect i was given.  I want to give everyone i meet the same respect.  Unless you find a way to make me take that back (which is quite hard) 

So whoever is reading this.  Whether you are a stalker, you landed here by mistake, or you are one of my good friends.

I respect you all.
peace and love.

it's a cat night.

When i sit outside my front door and smoke a cigarette to relieve the boredom that entangles my thoughts right down to the brain tissue.

I come across two stray cats that i've dubbed

Neko-san night, and Fat Neko-san.

Night likes to walk up to the same place everynight looking suspiciously around and then lies down, rolling back and forth multiple times pausing after each roll for a few seconds.  One night it caught me watching it's  nightly ritual and i could see the glow of its eyes from underneath the shadow of the neighbors van.  It prances off, almost embarressed,  is there some significance to that concrete spot to this cat?  Maybe they met a past lover and want to reminisce against the cold pavement of the times they spent huddled together there during the winter.

Fat Neko-san likes to wander in the middle of the street.  It uses the same route as if its a nightly commute.  This used to be my "porch cat"  that i'd feed when i was snacking on something while enjoying the night sky.  For a few nights it came back to the area and stared at me, and i was tempted to take it in but i don't know what Fat Neko-san does during the day while i'm away.

Nonetheless, one night it followed a man back to his house and crept through the bars of the gate,  going in and out following the same set path repeatedly, maybe stopping to stare at the surroundings.

It caught glances with me, and continued on its way.  I was betrayed by fat-cat.  It is a whore, who has played with my friendship and kindness to get a few pieces of bread that it didn't need cause its fat to begin with.  Why fat cat why,  i thought we were friends.

yea, i talk to stray cats when i'm at home at night. bahaha

The indefinite dryer cycle.

When I started writing this post, it was just about how lazy i was to do laundry.
I went into detail about separating colors and how waiting for the dryer to....dry... was the worst thing in the world.  Then i deleted that because i felt my brain cells crying.

So anyway,

I've had so much going on in my brain recently that my writing skill has dropped to...
well bellow average.  Being in Tokyo has made me forget how to spell English words.
My friend cracks a joke at me saying "aren't you a writing major?"
and i like to blame that i'm a few drinks in.
But to be honest, i cannot write for the life of me.
And yet i spend thousands of dollars over the past 3 years to pursue a writing major in college.
I know what grammar is...it is what you put on s'mores.

And spelling is just telling.
You are a little rat, a sneak, a snitch, and a smart ass if you correct my spelling.
That's write.

Just like the kids who thought they have gained a higher intellect or sense of enlightenment when they learned how to multiply numbers and count pass a 100.

People will think they are a freaking superhero because of anything.  Then they will rub it in your face because you cannot do the same.  Well excuse me douchebag, but i like to do things i want to do.  For example.

"Yea man, i can pick up this piece of steel with these numbers on it.  It's badass, im so much more badass than you, even my own ass says im more badass.  What can you do punkass?"

well....i can...smoke a cigarette faster than a T-rex because their hands cannot reach their mouths therefore they will be never be able to smoke a cigarette --Unless they  travel to the future where elongated cigarette holders ran rampant with the flappers and the french.

now in real time my answer would be more like.  yes, i cannot. because my arms would probably break off and i don't need this skill unless i'm fighting a dump truck.

Actually, i'm not smart enough to pull off something quick and witty.  So i write these phrases down on tiny strips of paper and catalog them by how aesthetically pleasing the paper is to my caveman brain after i rip it out of my notebook, which i should be using for notes, but instead i write depressing lyrics about dying and losing the ever bearing friendship with gravity so you just float into outer space and turn to a freeze pop.

Tonight feels late, although it is only 12:30 i think the sushi i had earlier today may be the cause.

hmmm.

ill think about it.
goodnight.

weekly update part, uh.... seven?

Weekly update:



Meh, i don't feel like doing one.

Inbetween times.

As i stare out the 5th floor window all i see is a bleak mist that hugs the buildings and structures of the cityscape before me.

It's kind of depressing while also peaceful in a way.  The light mist of rain is annoying and it bothers me that i have an umbrella because the weight/energy to usefulness ratio sucks.

My eyes are bloodshot and dry.  I've tried fixing my sleep but ended up starting my day at 1 am, then played a video game in which i have realized if i was ever nominated for president, my country would be overrun by tiny men with spears and trebuchets.  So i think I'll stick to music and whatever the hell it is i do.

In the meantime i've been planning and arranging a demo tape.  Hopefully i will get it done on time to play some shows while i breathe my last air in Tokyo for a while.  (sounds depressing ne?)

But i'll be back,
with more songs,
and more dances
and more facial hair.

Night time walks

As I walk through the city clothed with darkness
There is an emptiness, a stillness.
When the sounds of trains and motor vehicles are absent from the ear
The starless sky blankets overhead with a dim hues of violet oranges
The stores go to sleep, waiting to be awoken by their owners the next morning
Salary men are quick to light a cigarette the first chance they get
Wanderers like me, just walking.  No purpose, just to see where their feet will take them
The night fills my lungs  and joins my body
and then when i come home
my eyes become heavy as night slips into my bloodstream
and then I keep on wandering through my dreams

Novel teaser 2

“Alright children, listen up!  Today will be a very important day.  You will finally-”

“Be able to wield real weapons!??” A eager boy named Marcus spoke out while the other children cheered.

“Quiet down!” William began his lecture over again, “Today you will learn about the Lavender woods.  The most dangerous place in all of Averlast.”

“My mum puts lavender in dad’s shoes because it makes them smell better,” commented one of the girls. She was dressed in a similar brown to the tents and the roofs.  The children became rowdy again.  Marcus stood up and challenged his teacher.

“Why are we sitting on these old wooden stumps listening to an old man like you?  I bet I could cut down any monster in the land of Averlast.  My dad is super strong, he can lift a whole tree out of the ground with his bare hands! I’m not going to learn anything from a wooden sword and some old man who can barely walk!”

“Don’t be so foolish.”  The old man said, grimly looking at the Marcus.

Marcus was embroidered head to toe in his family emblem.  It was even burned into his wooden sword.  His dad was a wealthy merchant and his mother was the town healer.  This brewed the expectation that Marcus would become a great hero someday.  “I’d go in there and whack all those shadowy creatures in the head!  They don’t scare me.  And neither do you old man.”  The boy swung his sword towards his teacher.

And it took only a glare of the old man’s multicolored eyes and the sword went limp like rubber, and then Marcus turned to spaghetti-being, thrashing helplessly about.  The other kids threw his slippery noodle bits around laughing and cheering at the boy’s demise.

“Alrite alrite, put him back together,” the old man said, and with a flick of the few wisps of his hair, he turned the boy back , who was now quivering from head to toe.  “I’m going to tell my dad! He is going to be super upset with you!”

“If you cannot handle a simple spell, you cannot handle the woods, or the creatures that live in it.  Let this be a lesson to all you brave little younglings who choose to run into battle without being properly equipped.”

“You mean like real swords mister?”  A tiny girl all the way in the back squeaked.

“Well yes, but what I am trying to get at is that you need knowledge, wisdom, and experience.  Don’t leave your home without your head.”

Another boy raised his hand and asked, “How would we leave our heads in our house, isn’t it attached by the neck?”

The other children nodded in agreement, with the little girl checking to see if her head could detach.  The old man slapped his freckled forehead.  “Class dismissed!” he yelled out as his words lifted them up in the air and tossed them gently towards their homes.

enjoy!

An excerpt from my novel (in progress)

With a snap of his fingers the candle wicks sparkled and cracked.   The old man commanded the air to lift off his coat and place it folded neatly on a nearby table.  A reminiscent odor of last night’s of dinner tainted the air.  William was tired of beef and cabbage, or cabbage and beef every night.  Even the smell made him depressed.

“Hello, Kyle.”

“Who's Kyle? And who are you?.” William answered scanning the room for the voices origin.

“Oh man, I forgot it again. oh well!  I guess i better show myself.”

Suddenly, A cold gale filled with fragmented color swept the room revealing a moonlit creature before him. 

“What is your name?” it asked.

“...William-“

“Oh what a great name!” The mysterious creature’s wings fluttered with delight until one of them flickered out and turned dim.  She fell on her bum as a result.

“Sorry still gettin’ used to the new wings.  By the way, can I call you Will?”

“Why are you in my home.” he said sternly

“Oh shoot, I completely forgot to introduce myself. Name’s Adeline.  I am here to ask for your help.”

“Help with what?”

“Ohhhkay, let me show you.”

Adeline twirled her body in very exotic poses imitating the most ferocious beasts in Averlast.  She flashed her powder coated nails, and thrashed her purple-blue locks of hair back and forth leaving Will, very perplexed.

“Are you ok?”  Will asked, disrupting Adeline’s ritual.

“Y-yes, I’m trying to project this message on your wall here.  But it must be your wall, because the solar pixies are being very stubborn right now...  Oh well, I guess I’ll just tell you the boring way.  We need your help to save our home.  I’m a Hydragein, Hydran for short, from DelCannon city –the Florite section.  And we are all in a real smelly brickle.  The city has quarantined our section off to protect the rest of DelCannon from attack.”

“Attack?” Will’s interest level dropped as he pulled up a chair and yawned.

“Let me finish my story Will! C’mon! Anyway, We have been building new bathes to aid with the growing population of Hydrans in our area. But the shipments of our ethereal water can’t keep up, we had no other choice than to tap into Lavender Woods to increase supply.  We have been careful to not upset the woods.  But the woods are greedy, and have started a full attack on our city.”

“Please take a seat, you look restless.”  Adeline acknowledged and sat across the table from Will waiting in anticipation for his answer. “Now, Adeline, you mean to tell me that you got involved with the Lavender woods, just to get some fancy water?  What is wrong with the water from the streams that run by?  It is simply ludicrous that a Haadra-nay-den would risk death for a simple cup of water.”

Adeline stood up knocking her chair backwards and slamming her palms against the table. "HYDRANS".  Her wings fluttered with intensity shedding moon flecked dust and the smell of burnt ash.   

“WE NEED THIS WATER TO LIVE.  Without it our skin will dry out and we become so brittle that the heavy breathing of an Oxcart can blow us to bits.  We are Hydrans.  Our ancestors were part mermaids, and that’s why we need to be hydrated in a special bath once every 2 weeks.  Normal water won’t hold us out for more than 10 minutes.”

“I’ve never heard of a Hydran, I think you’re full of it little lady.”

“LITTLE? ‘Scuse me I’m tall for my people.  You should see my grandma, you’d break your old flimsy back trying to bend down and get a good look at her.”

Will grew weary of this who ordeal occurring before him.  He started to walk up the creaking stairs.  “I’m tired, go away.”

Adeline stood there for a moment watching her chance slowly disappear up the steps.  But she had a trick up her sleeve....

I have more but, this would be a teaser yea?  It's one of my character introductions.   who would of thought...me writing more than 10 pages for myself? ha ha ha.

Hope you enjoy!

The architect of my mind...has fallen asleep.

The artificial stamina I've bestowed inside of me by injecting coffee into my veins.
It is making my eyelids heavier and heavier each passing hour that it fails to fully
supplement my needs.

I need energy, i'm growing weak in both mind and spirit.
Where do i find it?
Who can help me locate the ever warming fire
deep in the cold lonely woods.

It's been too long since reality likes to smack me in the face.
And sometimes im so god damn stubborn.
I need to be beat,
cut up
thrown out
....abandoned
in order get back on track.

I'm not complaining, as i love mistakes for what they teach.
But fuck man,
shit's hard.

i'll get used to it someday.

Tho.

tequila dreams and frosted flakes

Yasumi (vacation) has been treating me with nothing but free time.
which is cool if you have money or a job.
i have neither.


Here is my weekly schedule so far:

Monday:
Wake up at 4pm
Eat some Gyudon (beef and rice)
take my vitamins...i just started again for fear of losing my hair due to my horrible diet. ha
smoke a cigarette.
watch very strange Japanese movies
smoke.

Tuesday:
Still watching more movies
go to sleep at 10 am.
wake up at 5pm.
go grocery shopping
eat frosted flakes
take my vitamins (there is like 6 i take...why?  BECAUSE THEY COME IN LITTLE PACKS)
smoke.
cook dinner --which was friggen awesome...should have taken a picture
smoke.
watch more movies.
look for a job.
smoke.
type this blog while eating more cereal.


My life currently is like a pothead without the weed.

But fantastically, last week was so much better.

i did all sorts of things,
like ingest many free tequila shots purchased by a good friend.
woo!
and then dance on stage (not that kind of stage)
while he was performing
his songs.

The night spawned a dancing circle in the audience
As we sent random Japanese people as tribute for our sacrificial ceremony and forced them to dance for everyone's entertainment.
some were shy, and danced like they lost movement in their elbows and knees.
yet others...others could actually dance.
One of them reminded me of an electric toothbrush.  for some odd reason.
I think i was drunk.

Afterwards i got on the wrong train to no man's land; wiping the window fog to see the beautifully displayed tunnels of unfamiliarity i was going through.  Luckily, it stopped
(after a mild panic revealing subtle sweat marks under my arms)
--one station past my own....but took about 30 min extra to get there...

I tried to sleep, but failed.  and this is why i have been waking up at about 4pm everyday afterward.
I've become a night owl, trying to preoccupy my curious mind with simple objects.
like my wall.
my bed.
and my frosted flakes.

If you want to talk to me in the real world.  Im generally always up so feel free to talk to me anytime!
unless you want to collect my eyelids or some weird shit like that.

-jaa ne

prostitutes and more prostitutes

ooooh fuck, ooooh fuck here it goes.

another weekly updatesglsajglsagjsgsa
that just gurgles down the drain in such a slow...painful manner.
like last nights vomit.
that was too  chunky because you decided to eat 3 big mac's before the mixing of
beer and spirits
 inducing a chemically goo.

Well anyway, here i am, about an hour where i used to live, in my new living enclosure.
sure, i'm poor as fuck.  And cabbage and eggs are what keep me going.

Their is an occasional spice of tobacco sprinkled over my "i can't do goddamn anything because i cannot afford the train fair."

None the less, here is what i have to tell you.

massgi, known as a "massage" in japanese.  Is not what you think.  Now if you read one of my previous blog posts you would know that this is indeed --The sales pitch of a prostitute....  I haven't personally run into any prostitutes...only my good friend has.  Yet, my laughter at his predicament fueled my karma-o-meter which means i was in for a treat...

Spinning backward a few days ago, it was a Wednesday and one of the last days i could hang out with all my friends before they went back to the states.  So it started off with

-hey, lets all go drink by the riverside.

then went to

-hey, let's go to karaoke with a bottle of whiskey

then off to...

-my friend can get us to this club for cheap, let's goo!


now me being drunk and missing my beloved friends, of course i wanted to fucking do all 3.
so i did all 3...and this is how it progressed from the latter:

Arrived at train station, was greeted with fried chicken and an eggroll. NICE!

rode the train halfway because they stopped running...had to walk the rest of the way..not so nice.
got a taxi cab ride the last 3 blocks....woo? (i didn't pay for that)

go in the club...found out my drink tickets were mostly just shot tickets after repeatedly trying to
get the same drink mixed using my shot ticket...

and to sum up all the action that goes on in this club.
drink...drink...drink...dance...dance...dance...dance

and pretty much danced my fucking toenails off.  Even when i was approached by people, conversation didn't happen.  And if it did.  It consisted of me asking for a light and another cigarette.

So partway through the night, half my friends got kicked out of  the club...do i know why?  nope.  because i was too busy bruising my body with eccentric dance maneuvers.

apparently girls were able to drink for free, so i asked one of my friends to get me a drink...it was immediatly snatched from my hands the second i tried to switch dance floors.  but i wasn't kicked out...must have seen me dancing. buhahwhawhawhawhawha. yea. no.

so after spending a few hours dancing and giving "pickup" advice the club closed.

but...wait...where are our fucking jackets?
Yes, they are in a locker somewhere.  But we have no idea which one or who has the key.

Then friendly bouncer guy decided to be all anal and kick us out with some kind english words.
"Get out. Leave. Now" -repeat, -repeat.

After being like uuuh, what the hell...i followed the group to our next destination.  However, we lost all the members of our group besides 1 other man.

Dazed and confused we walked  in one direction together until we were instantaneously grabbed by the wrists and dragged into an elevator.  We looked at each other like "what the hell is going on???"

These mysterious women kept saying "it's ok, it's ok."

but surely it wasn't as we were taken to a dimly lit room with two beds, divided by a blanket hanging in the middle.  They proceeded to take off our shirts in a lightning quick pace.  Holy shit. They just kept saying it was "ok" and mentioned a price inbetween their words of comfort.  At that moment the hysteria of the situation subsided and my movie reel imagination snapped back into the real world.

"let's get the fuck out of here", i yelled to my friend.

I apologized and gathered my clothes back on my body and made my way towards the exit with my buddy.  Both of us still in disbelief.

The morning continued with us going into yet another club..."no cover charge no cover charge" as they hustled us in.

i was tired as fuck. but who cares, i'll just dance.
what, this club wont give me water? i'll drink from the faucet.
What, some foreign girl approached me about a drink? fuck yes!
wait...she wanted me to buy her a drink?  hell...fucking...no...

so yes, i danced, and this one girl liked it so much...when i took a break from dancing (because it was god knows what time) she started hitting me insisting i dance.

i was scared and too tired to have a care in the world.  My two friends at this club wanted to leave, but i held back for a second...and then they were gone --leaving me with this girl who kind of intimidates me because her use of physical force to make a compliment.

so i leave trying to catch up with them...
but i lost them with the sunlight shining bright in my eyes and the alcohol saying "haha. you're going to be hung over like shit!"

So with my body beaten like a rag doll from dancing and that intimidating girl, i strolled along the urban sprawl to find my way back home.

BUT WAIT

i was grabbed by yet another prostitue and pulled towards the end of the street.
but thankfully my "nononoono train station, TRAIN STATION, i'm sorry" got through to her.
And she kindly gave me directions to the nearest train station.

Thank you prostitute, for giving me directions to go home and face a 2 day hangover, being the worst one i've had in my life.  You will not all just abduct me against me will.

(that fried chicken from earlier stayed at the club in my coat pocket for about 5 days by the way)

おやすみ
oyasumi

Dancing Compilation #1

Because I'm too lazy to write, here is my latest YouTube video!!!! ENJOYY!!!

=)

Japanese Shopping List

Observations of my life since i last made a post:

-Haha, yea, i saw Jack Sparrow riding a bicycle.
-Why do old men walking down the street think i'm their friend?
-There was a pervert on the loose and the police suspected my friend
-Ipod's are so useful until your headphones break, then its just...lame.
-I haven't cleaned my mucked up shoes from the crazy irish music festival
       -and spraying Febreeze on it did not make the black gunk go away.
 -School is losing it's appeal.  But i think you already knew that.
-Cheap wine makes my stomach bubble and my intestines kink
      -lesson learned, don't buy 395yen bottle of wine...the conversion rate to USD alone should make you sick

-My dorm manager has a portal inside his room in which he can retrieve any object he so desires.
-My legs are starting to settle into normality and my knees are no longer screaming in pain.
-I need new pants.
-I need more money to buy pants.
-I need a job for more money.
-I need a lot of things...

My airplane ticket is being very stubborn.  I say i want to stay longer.  It says it will be expensive.
....asshole...

-Numbers have no emotions.
there are too many in this world.

- I lived out of my guitar case for a good couple days.  It is quite roomy in there.
-shoulders hurt from carrying this second home

-massages are good, if you are asked for a massagi? or massgy....or however it translates...by a women off the street.  She is a prostitute.  And there are a lot of them.

-Cigarette filters here have activated carbon, sounds cool, makes me feel like i'm not killing myself as much.  (same type of thing they use in a Brita filter)

-I left my yogurt outside my fridge over night.  It was warm to the touch before i put it back in the morning after.  Waiting till i starve until i dare try one.

-Don't consume the left over benedryl that has been sitting on your desk for a month.  It will make you throw up.

-Till next time!

-Joe

A little flicker of home

I just woke up, and in my hometown, that would be normal.  Except it is the equivalent of 8:00 pm here.  This is because in honor of my 21st birthday celebration  a concert was the plan to perpetuate the drunken harmonics of sound.

Firstly, we saw a few bands from Okinawa.  My first impression was, holy shit they remind me so much of home.  The music scene ranged from similarities with So Cal' punk, to New Jersey Ska styled licks.  It was a pretty homely feeling, especially when seeing a bunch of people skanking in the middle of Shibuya Japan, it brings back memories of New Jersey.  The venue, branded "Milky Way"  was very laid back and people would jump all over the stage dancing (one song had a hilarious choreographed dance that the crowd all knew) and they even managed to crowd surf despite the size of the venue (which is small).  There were times where multiple people would sandwich each other and they'd be carried into the crowd like some mangled mutant being.  My friend was able to converse around but i just smoked cigarettes to pass my awkward language alienation.  Though, i thought it was funny when i tried to reach in between to guys to get to the ash tray and they other one jumped 30 feet away because it scared him.

Initially our plans to meet up with many people after this concert to go somewhere till the trains started back up again around 5 am.  Yet,  everyone backed out, or just didn't respond.  HELL WITH YOU GUYS, you are now the enemy.

we had great fucking night anyway, and decided to go off to another concert where our friends were playing at.  Yea, we concert hopped all the way to Shinkjuku to see our good ole' friends Hate no Hate and a little liquor.  One of the drummers bought us curry and the guitarist tried to give us a discount, ahh, they are so good to us!!  We love them!

 This being an all night concert it was very laxed, very chill with an awesome awesome range of music.  I was surprised how good all the bands were and the crowd was just as crazy as the last one.  The band that was playing when we walked in sang a lot of English lyrics, it was very nostalgic for me and they were a pretty fucking good band in my opinion too.

I was approached by a foreigner, he asked me in japanese, if i well...spoke japanese, and his accent was obviously not Japanese.  So i just responded in English and we chatted for a while. He was very drunk, and from Australia, takes pictures of one band that was playing tonight.  He tried to get with 2 Japanese girls, and for a while he had one under each arm and was dancing obstructively in front of us.   Then he ditched one of them and tried to make a move to the other but was flat out rejected many a time, ha ha.  The ditched girl was very lost and confused looking.  After rejection he passed out leaning on the wall.  His expression read like his brain stopped functioning and he had 1 little brain cell chugging along all the neuron tubes. Eventually that brain cell got tired and he fell to the ground, i was surprised he managed to stay standing for that long.  The other girl that he ditched came to his rescue with some tea, and he immediately passed out on her shoulder.  After regaining the ability to walk, he tried to take her outside.  He failed as you may have thought.

My one question is,  why was this one fellow in biker shorts  walking around hitting things with drum sticks all night?

Liver tastes like a meat flavored dish sponge

My memory has been reshapen over the last 5 days.  It has just been so busy!
Currently learning Japanese has continually promoted episodic depression swings
that like to make me feel as important one of those minty fresh urinal cakes.

Last week started with, a concert.  A great concert if i may add.  Whiskey was the brand of choice, but it turned into rum and then shooters filled with tequila and ginger ale.  What was strange about this concert is that it had only one vocalist.  And that tends to be normal except for the fact that this vocalist was the same one for about 6 bands.  What the hell?  how did she practice with all of them...and we agreed she was only needed for the last band in which she performed the best.  Instrumental bands are fine no?

So to perpetuate the story, i was again mistaken for a teenage boy -i shouldn't have shaved.  But we will see who is laughing in 20 years.  when i can pass off for being at least 21 (let's hope)

Day 2:

another concert. friend got wasted.  She tried to kiss a Japanese man. was rejected.  Didn't even know if he was a band member.  One band had really good instrumentals, but the vocalist sung like a creepy orphan girl and i grew uncomfortable, so i went up stairs to have a smoke.  But the music followed me on a big projector screen.  I was terrified.  Friend apparently blacked out when she got home and blamed it on me.  I blame it on Japanese men telling her to drink and downing huge amounts of straight whiskey in response.

Day 3:

Park, booze, cigarettes, friends (optional) = cheap night out!

Day 4:  Local bar.  Friend got yelled at for bringing a coke from outside and not ordering anything, had to stand outside and finish it.  Tried to ask for playing cards but stumbled his words and just ended up saying ありがとう (thank you) and other random gestures  "...el cardo, trumpo" sounded like spanglish with a dash of japanese ontop. Afterward he got yelled at again for throwing darts too hard.  the ultimate 外人 (foreigner)

Day 5:

What the fuck i had a long week, i want to take a break.  Another free concert tonight in Shibuya.  A band called Flip.  Was invited to go out afterward by these older Japanese guys that were die hard fans.  Ordered a water because i did not want to drink 5 nights in a row.  They ended up ordering wine and pouring a glass for me, then another...and another...then i ate a piece of liver which made a part of me die inside.  They kept running out of each wine we were getting so went from red, to white, to a pitcher... Found out across our room was the band that just preformed, drinking and celebrating with friends.  We said hello, and the two guys with us were passed cloud 9.  "Banzai!" they screamed with their arms thrown up in the air.  They kindly paid for the 181,000 yen bill....

Today:

I want to murder everything.

Friday Afterstory

Problematically calculating every tweezed  neuron from your brain.

whoa, that's what hang overs feel like.  you have no motivation, it isn't a real day.  If you get anything accomplished you aren't too excited about it.  That's what Monday, and Tuesday have felt like.  Though i haven't been consuming anything but chicken rice, and friendly exhaust fumes from the buzzing taxis of Tokyo.

So as a continuation from Friday night, there was a lot of money just flying out of my wallet like pigeons.  Really ugly 2-D depression inducing pigeons.  Clubs are expensive, or at least this one was.  The person leading us around had no care in the world where his money was going.  Ok sir, with a real job and a salary that is 110% higher than mine because mine is currently negative...so very low, and negative.

2 free drinks at the door not bad,
3000 yen at the door what the fuck.

and this was an all nighter right?  how come i couldn't sit on the stupid black square no one was on?
because i wasn't a girl. boohooo.

Aside from that, we met an array of people, stuck up, nice, happy, quiet, fun blah blah blah

did i forget to mention we lost one of our friends in the group?

yes, this person was like a small child.  If you turned away, he'd be gone.  After losing him and finding him once.  We lost him after the next song and just gave up looking for him. We assumed he'd be ok.

And okay super large but super nice secretary guard.  I know that you're trying to keep me from ashing on the floor.  But you don't have to say すみません (excuse me) and kindly push me with your giant meat hands in the direction of the ash tray.

Although, it was kind of...well nice.  His huge hands were still threatening though.

Because, I'm more used to the security guards in America, who will kick you out of the club if your under aged and have a beer, you snatch your cigarette from your hands cause you cant smoke.  And no matter how much you beg or cry, they will be an asshole to you.  Because that's their job...to be a big asshole that can move things. yea. that's life i guess. 

I doozed in and out of sleep on the train ride back home round 5:30 am.  Watching everyother person sitting on the train nod their head up and down with the force of exhaustion.

I stopped by a 7/11 on the way towards home and picked up very early breakfast.  then laughed when i saw someone i knew come back around the same time.  I was too sleepy to change or shower.  i inhaled my food and passed out elegantly as i woke up later with a fantastic drool puddle by my cheek.

today is Wednesday, today is another concert.  woohoo! i can't wait to get out of school....i'm dreading it right now.

the booze dance

Saturday was a zombie day.
and for two very good reasons.

free and alcohol.

It was snowing in Shibuya the other night.  I immediately regretted my decision of not bringing an umbrella after one was handed to me before i left and i was like "PFFFF i'll be fine" .

fuck my hands were cold, particularly because my blood decides to ignore my extremities until they turn purple and dead.  Thanks blood, you asshole.

I was suppose to meet the drummer i hung out with last weekend in Shibuya round 10 and figure out what to do.  I coaxed someone else to come along so i wouldn't have to stand and wait around in the middle of shibuya while my phone kept yelling you're out of minutes and need a new card.

Eventually we all met in an Irish pub and im introduced to all the drummer's friends.

then the booze dance started.

pints pints pints, appetizers and pints, appetizers and pints.
(repeat)

and guess what?  i was being treated these things.  Nice beer?  free nice beer?
or freeb for short.

2 girls were there, they decided the snow was so beautiful that they wanted to stand out on the balcony so they can get covered in freezing wet snow.   After they came back they were shivering and told us they weren't drunk, they were just so entranced by the heavy flakes of snow.  (it really hasn't snowed much in tokyo this year.)

It was also one of their birthdays, so we sung happy birthday in spanish (yes spanish...) while the pints of beer started to fuel my intoxication.

...and after a while the two girls started conversing with some ibm salary men.
only thing i could contribute was my ibm computer from the early 90's that could play frogger and pacman....and pretty much just that.


 Now i'll go into detail about the rest of my night some other day because today, i am once again a zombie. surprise!!!

Because i went to karoke, and it was all you can drink for an hour -an alcoholic's buffet table...and the person ordering our drinks either didn't know how to count...or really really wanted to get his money's worth...and well...

if that helps explain things a little better...

so i will now resume hibernation.
-Till next time.

what i emailed my professor today

Professor,

My good friend was very upset about his girlfriend yesterday.  I decided to do what good friends do and become his drinking buddy.  I only intended to get one drink (i had a pretty long day as well) but the gravity of the situation had called for more.  Much of the night entailed of depressed dribble drabble relationship talk.  I gave him advice that i could never follow on my own.  I also shared my personal experience of punching concrete because of a girl.  But then it gave him the idea to start swinging his fists around...I assured him it will just make his hand ache in the morning, if the hangover wasn't strong enough.  I told him to punch me in the arm to let out any aggression instead.
 
 
To avoid becoming as significant as a sack of potatoes, i changed the subject.  "ha, just find another girl"  i blurted.  So he started confessing himself to contacts on his phone.  Not my intention at all.  As the alcohol started to consume us our talks went rampid and he started singing karoke.  I think he passed out midsong, dropping his glass of water on the floor.  We carried him off to bed and i spent the night unable to sleep with something i like to call alcohol induced insomnia.  So i drew, a lot.  Alcohol loosens the muscles in the hand and brain so everything that is produced flows, glides, and dithers between transitions of insanity while cigarettes became my new drinking buddy.   I don't think there are much benefits to smoking aside from the small hope of attaining a rock star voice.  Unless, i enjoyed walking from Tamachi station from school and it was the most epic journey i imagined: myself passing out by the entrance and all these salary men stepping on my wheezing corpse. 

Needless to say, here i am strung out from exhaustion, typing this story as a sad excuse for missing class today.
See you on Tuesday..
 
Joe

Dancing by the Shinkansen

Yes, i love to dance.

i don't know why i was holding my ear at the end but ill just say it was part of the dance.

enjoy!

Stars replaced with lights and signs

ooooh my god my stomach has a giant expanding riceball filled with curry and chips
why have i eaten this much'

so last night was quite the experience, my friend tequila and i went to another concert.
Tequila became the life of the party as it starting whoring itself around the room.  It also decided it would be funny if it randomly dropped on my foot as soon as i bought it.  I was in pain, but it didn't break!!! wooo~

 The concert had all you can eat candy.  Someone kept giving me the really odd flavors thinking it would be funny.  I don't think regurgitated wasabi flavored taffy is funny.  especially if its on your shoes, no?

Anyway,  we came to see one band, and they were really friendly.  They also really liked tequila so i shared it and watched the reactions of half their faces go like "ITS STRONG" -Except the drummer, who claims that him being puerto rican allows him to drink straight tequila like it was water.  We went out drinking with them at this restaurant afterward and decided to wander around Shibuya all night until the trains start back up again at 5 am.  We met many friends, especially infront of convenience stores until we were shoo'd out by the manager.  I tried to skateboard and failed miserably because it was on a hill.  I think i have weak knees.

im slowly getting better at japanese,
but it is very.
very.
slow.

i have to buy more cigarettes, curse all.

-joe

midnight drunk train

ohohoho,

i've been neglecting my fans.

fans: inanimate objects with faces drawn on them

basically im trying to say i'm having a damn good time in Tokyo Japan.

My feet hurt all the time.  So i've gone to great lengths to try and hoard the foot massager where i live.
It is still difficult to communicate with people, but hey.  A couple drinks and you start speaking japanglish and you can usually meet the other person halfway.  I have a constant dumbfounded look on my face when they ask me questions that relay about 1000 words per min, and my japanese brain translator goes at about 2.

The concerts have been like my third lung.  As my other two are tarnished with the taste of tobacco.  I've been living off the good vibes from the bands that perform.  I enjoy the smaller venue atmosphere as you can become friends with people of your genre.

While concerts are fun, they dissolve your money like drain-o and well to be honest i enjoy eating and the thought of new shoes which are starting to tear and show its lovely sock organs.  But foods expensive here.

One weeknight i decided to take a trip to Shibuya with a few friends, "oh drinks are cheap" blah blah blah.  Being convinced of the sound of a drink that cost less than an equivalent of 7 usd dollars makes you feel like you have much more money than you actually do.  Then you find yourself dancing next a crowd of french people and hugging the speaking like it is you soul-mate.  Aside from trying to talk and walk down the stairs and completely failing at it.  I enjoyed weaving between the busy crossings and train station lines while dancing to my ipod.  At that point there was just so many people there they kind of lost an identity.  And being buzzed with sounds bites being pile drived into my ear drums helps, enhance that so to say?

you know people have certain modes they fall onto when they drink:

-happy drunk
-so happy they cry drunk 
-actually crying drunk because they are sad
-quiet drunk who tries to hide that it infact is really hard to keep whatever they ingested from creating a foul arrangement of voment on the floor and or walls
-angry drunks whose testosterone levels have all accumulated in the head (causing maybe a vein or two to pop out and a nice cherry complextion to fill in their face)

-sloppy drunks whose hands have turned to wet noodles and their joints have been rearranged to the wrong ares of the body
-horny drunks (self explanatory)
-and this list can go on and on, but really.

I'm a dancing drunk.

till next time~

omni night

It has been so long,
Im in freaking japan.
Tokyo
people so many people
spinning lights
the trains and squishing my brains
id imagine itd hurt if you had a train push you on a swing.
that or you would fly away
and hit your face, smack into the moon
only to peel off like a pancake
and float down back to earth.

toodles~