Types:
Discovery Dookie
It's a new texture you have not felt before. The smell is nostalgic but vastly different from the mundane poop. You are surprised your body could make such a creation. Is it bad? You will have to wait until this rare occurrence happens again. But as it stands, you think it may be a sign your poop is evolving.
The Sci-Fi Crap
You are levitating and this faint wave compresses your poo energy into a volatile beam. Have you seen War of the Worlds with Tom Cruise? Or possibly the buster rifle from Gundam or Kamehameha from DBZ. Just think of high intensity lasers and imagine your toilet is the death star.
Analytical Shit
You feel the poo sludge through your intestines and you define this as phase 1: "the urge". You sit on the toilet and calculate the bowel-metric pressure. Will it explode or drip? You conclude an accurate prediction by timing how fast your shit moves through the tunnel.
Dennis Poo
The poo that clogs your friend's toilet for days and looks like a Mondo Burger with undigested lettuce skimming the surface. The culprit will typically ask for a stick or "something" in hopes of breaking it up and pushing it down. Thank you for giving this poo a name Dennis.
Games:
The TP Challenge
This occurs when you have an awkward amount of toilet paper left. You try your best to ration the remainder to get maximum effect. You also hope that your finger doesn't break through the fragile sheets and dips into the fudge. If the bum is clean and you have tissue to spare you will be the hope for our planets future.
Submarine
It is a game when you place a tiny object of someone else possession (the submarine) at the bottom of the bowl. You hover over the toilet attempting to drop depth charges. You typically win on your first try if you eat things such as burritos or bacon cheeseburgers. If you want more of a challenge –try standing.
Consti-miners
Imagine a team of miners trapped in your rectum behind a huge boulder. You cannot get them out so they call their miner friends to join in on the struggle to reach the surface. This mining union builds until everyone is freed and drowned a moment later in a whirlpool. I suggest watching Patema Inverted to help envision this scenario.
Creme de la brown
This is a lot of work. I suggest you plan ahead accordingly in order to produce perfect texture. Do your business in a blender. Whip it so it is light and airy. Then proceed to imitate your favorite things. I mean but really...poo is the original Play-Doh.
