I like to cough in your face and laugh at your behind.

i've been gone a long time
and some of you may think,
ooooh he's gunna have a super awesome post because he's been thinking about what to post 24/7 but
truth is... im a senior citizen that has problems walking to the computer because my two grandchildren are clung to my calves like cinderblocks.

but really, i just spilled moldy pomegranant juice on my keyboard (if you follow my twitter you'd know this http://twitter.com/#!/JoesShoeStore) because i was trying to show someone via webcam at how gross it was.  Then i used a old soaking wet dish sponge...then i sprayed it with windex because the dish sponge made it smell worse, and then i relized it was starting to fuck things up.

now now, it's alrite.  Im using another laptop, but christ the way these keys are spaced make everyother word i type take 2 hours.  Yes, i'm taking that long to write this piece of useless information about my life.  And yes, this is why i don't have a life.

I would also like to thank the Swedes for ranking the highest hits on my blog.  I had no idea you guys were into intergalactic shoes.  But most of you prolly find out, that indeed, i do not sell shoes.  And if i did, they would be made from my old shoes wrapped in glitter and sparkles with small Bic lighters attached to the sides to emulate rockets.

Oh, and one of my best friends is Swedish, i may visit him when he's up there.  I hope to find at least 1 actual fan there and be there friend, and brag about it to all my friends that i met a fan from Sweden because this blog is so god damn popular it is being read all over the world.
(again, mostly Sweden)

So of course imma try and start posting regularly, for all the raccoons that have rabies, and all the little children who dream of space shoes.
i'll keep you guys updated.  Even if you don't read a word i'm typing.

toodles~

Bonnaroo 2011

Now, only some of you may know what this thing is.
Oh the Bonnaroo, a strange creature of sorts that likes to engulf you
with loud thumping drums, and soothing vocals.
It tempts you with food that is so delicious, that before you know it
you just spent 15$ on a burrito because it had alligator in it.
And mind you the people there were all so nice.  No assholes allowed must have been a rule.

But when the sun turned off, and the night begain to thrive was my favorite.
colored top hats with gadgets and gears, streaks of flourescent beams littered throughout the crowd,
staves with animal creatures holding swords and other things
my my the image was so perfect, so brilliant, so exciting.
one did not need any drugs to attain the feeling everyone else was giving.

So my advice is, if you haven't been to a music festival before.
and dont mind the occasional porta-potty with poop smeared on the walls, and splatter marks from a used tampon ...or the lack of a normal shower, and giant ass spiders that seek refuge under your sleeping bag at night.

then please. I urge you to go to one.  It is surreal.  and worth it.

Peacemaker 3000 (everything sounds more futuristic with a couple of grand behind it)

So i was eating my steak sandwich and screaming at the fact they only gave me
one tiny cup of barbecue sauce for it.
i was sooo angry, that i ate my sandwich.
(which was pretty damn good)
and did this in Photoshop.

btw, that's a picture of ME! :D